Hollywood Died
by kissMe imDying
Summary: He didn't know what he was in for that day. The day those boys transferred in from the school that mysteriously burned down. Envy's life of ruling the high-school with a twisted grasp would change with the addition of those two boys...AU, possib. EdEn
1. Hollywood Died

Author's Pre-notes-ness:

Hiya! Welcome to my first published FMA Fic! Here is some information! This fic is AU, Highschool, Envy-centric, Elric and Wrath-centric too, and somewhat dark at least at first. This is the first fic I have written that I think is good enough to be here. Generally inspired by the slew of other AU HS fics out there and my take on just who the characters would be in a school situation. The school, FYI, is fictional. No such school exists, though I wouldn't put it past the government.

Disclaimers, Warnings ect. are located at the bottom of this chapter. Thanks!

PS: The long, Italics areas are Envy's inner monologue as he studies the world around him.

**Chapter 1 - Hollywood Died**

_"There it is again...that sensation. That sensation of being stared at, like a well-dressed monkey on parade. God, or Goddess, or whatever, what gave them the right to stare like that. Sure, I look like a girl, but it isn't my fault. I'm just...drawn to it. I can't seem to help myself. I'm miserable any other way. More miserable than when they stare at me, which is saying a lot._

_Look, there's Rockbell. She was my friend in middle school. When I didn't fit in with her smart friends though...we grew apart. Now she's poisoned against me too. I catch myself in a mirrored window. I stand tall, skinny. You can see my stomach in this shirt. You can see my legs in this skirt. You can see I'm a boy, I have to breasts. You can see I'm a freak, because my clothes are all black. You can see I'm a rebel, because I have a tattoo on my hip. You can tell I'm a goth, because my skin is a white as an albino and I wear dark jewelry to contrast it. I love it and hate it at the same time. It's the same way with attention, with my life. _

_The scene before me is a bleak one. I lean against the window and watch everyone. It's a huge school, too many students for teachers to give a damn. Too much money for parents to give a damn either. There are teens everywhere, dying. Suicide is on most of their minds, homicide on the rest. Kids here will grow up to be what? Just like the rest of dysfunctional fucking America. I glare from beneath purple eyes and the crowd shies away from me and my window. I can't say I blame them. I left the last kid who got near me without my permission in stitches. I shoved him across a broken concrete wall and he got all cut up. It's the only defense I have, a good offense. If they all think I'm crazy, they can't get close to me. I can't hurt them on the inside if I hurt them on the outside from the start..."_

The teen ended his inner monologue with a sigh. It was as he had described though, something like a movie. The mass of students moving through the halls of the school seemed to curve further and further away from him, giving him a good seven feet of space on all sides. Their whispers about him always flew around him. It wasn't one of those schools where they eventually got tired of talking about one student. This school was too big for that, too many students. With sixty plus per class and a several thousand student body this California school was huge by any standards.

"It's a government experiment to see just how many little robots one giant campus can produce." Was what the teen often said of his "school"

It was a revolutionary school. It even had dormitories for students who wanted or needed to be on campus full-time. It was like a miniature wanna-be college. It was like a tiny city. It was like hell for most that went there, though. Like anything government run, the school was held together by shoestrings and paper clips. So many incidents slipped through the cracks.

The gothic student got to his feet as the crowds in the hall thinned out with the ending school bell. Still, he was left with seven feet of personal space by everyone around, even as he walked people struggled to get out of his way. He stood about five feet and five inches at his full height, not counting the hair that stuck up due to the headband that pulled it high onto his head. It gave him another couple inches height in appearance. He used a huge amount of hairspray and quite a lot of gel to get it to stick up and then fall down at the sides and in his face. It was his natural hair, contrary to the popular belief that no-one could go a whole school year without at least one bad hair day and thus he must be wearing a wig. The tips of it brushed him at the mid-back. It was obviously a natural black color with a green dye over it, giving it an unnatural glassy sheen and accentuating the teen's bright violet eyes. His clothes drew a lot of attention, too. As he had noted to himself, his shirt was far too small. It was black with a punk hello-kitty on the front and was obviously cut for a girl. He wore a black skirt too of a pleather material. Underneath, though, he wore a very short pair of bike shorts. those were in case he had to fight, which wouldn't be a surprise. He wore a pair of eighties-style leg-warmers that reached his knee and didn't cover his toes a la' Flash dance. His hands bore fingerless gloves with metal studs on the knuckles. They were the kind that could be used, that was another one of his little 'advantages" in fights.

He stomped down the front steps chilly concrete, ignoring autumn's biting weather against his exposed pale skin. He made his way down the unkempt sidewalk, ignoring the people that scrambled out of his way. He stared at the ground the whole way until his attention was broken by a kid who brushed his arm. He snapped up.

"What the hell! You stupid freshman, don't turn you back on me you bitch!" He didn't care if the freshman was a boy or a girl, he used the term "bitch" for anyone. He spun around on the victim, who turned out to be a meek, brown-haired girl. She had glasses and an armful of books.

"I'm terribly sorry upper-classman, I just don't know where my feet take me sometimes!" She said politely, even offering the older boy a smile. He looked at her for a moment. 'Nerd.' his cynical mind pegged her. 'Dammit' he swore in his mind. Nerds were a sacred caste to him, he couldn't harm them too much, and this girl was a freshman. Unless she picked a fight, he had no right to beat her up. He kept his hands off the younger classes unless they bucked up, off the nerds, goths, art freaks, scene kids and gays unless they fucked with him on purpose. Still, the glare he was giving her was unintentionally scalding. In any case though, she gave him a friendly smile. 'maybe she's blind under those huge effing glasses.' he thought to himself as he stood trying to stare her down. He was about to open his mouth to say something intimidating before pretending to "control" his rage and storm off when his attention was broken by another student busting his personal space bubble. It was a blond, he recognize immediately.

"Sheska! Oh my god, are you okay? Come on, come with me. Envy how could you? She's just a freshman..."

"A friend of your's, _Rockbell_?" He spat her name out like something foul. How he despised the perky mechanic. They were once such great friends, neither one judged the other. They were once both slightly weird, had no common interests but they got along so well. That was back when he was just a little girly and _she_ still thought that was okay.

"Yes, in fact. You need to lay off, your nothing but a fucking bully! Quit trying to be so god-damned hardcore for five minutes and she might have been your friend too." The girl spat right back before grabbing Sheska's arm and pulling her away. The freshman was oblivious to what just happened. Envy wasn't. He regained his composure in time to realize that half the schoolyard was watching him. He recovered, putting on the act once more.

"That bitch is gonna pay for that in blood." He threatened, making it just audible enough to give the illusion that he didn't intend to be heard but allowing everyone watching to hear it. With that he kept moving.

--

"HEY! BRAT! I'm home!" Envy's bag flew onto the couch. Something on the nearby bed rustled beneath the covers with a groan. The dorm was small, no bigger than a two-car garage. It had a mini-kitchen, a queen-bed that had seen better days, a couch that was even worse off and a small TV with a hole in the side. There were also toys and clothes scattered all over the floor. The heap in the bed let out another small moan. Envy strode over and sat down, peeling the bedspread back. Underneath a mess of raven black hair could be seen. Large eyes squinted open against the light as they looked up at Envy's smiling face.

"mph...morning..." The boy yawned. He couldn't have been seven or eight. His eyes were the same color as Envy's amethyst ones, and his hair was the same too, if Envy's wasn't dyed. It feel in a mess about the boy's face and back.

"Little guy, have you been sleeping all day?" Envy muttered, running his thin fingers through the boy's hair.

"Yeah...It was kind of cold so I just stayed curled up..." He replied. He turned so Envy could finish finger-combing his long black locks.

"I'm sorry, I should have left the heater on..." the older boy said softly. His voice was completely different than the one he used at school. It was soft, and could almost sound kind if you didn't know the other side to the boy. 'I'm a terrible big brother aren't i...I'm not such a great person sometimes..." He trailed off. He didn't think the younger boy heard the comment.

"Your a good big brother...I miss Mom sometimes, but that doesn't mean your not good enough..."

"I know Wrath..." He began braiding his younger brother's hair. He knew it reminded the little imp of their mother when he did. Sometimes he thought he had a harder time thinking of her and remembering her than his younger brother did.

_She was killed two years ago by a serial killer who claimed to be "striking down the sinners" if I recall right. I remember gathering my little brother up in my arms before running as fast as my skinny ass legs could carry me. I remember wanting to go back, but even then I knew. I knew she was completely dead, and Wrath was all that mattered. He wasn't called Wrath back then though...I wasn't called Envy, either. I was N.V. Nathan Victor. I seem to remember Wrath was called something like Bradley II. Mother never liked that name. Our mother's name was Juliette. She was a beautiful woman married to a horrible man with one eye. He insisted on naming Wrath after himself since I was born and named by Mother from her previous relationship with another man I never knew. He insisted a lot of things mother wasn't happy with. _

_I guess that's when I started calling my little brother Wrath. There was an incident...Bradly the 1rst, His father, was angry with our Mother about something she did raising "his" only son, some leniency she had given to Wrath on punishment. He got so angry he insisted on punishing my four-year old brother himself with a walking cane he always had, a metal one, and Mother told him she wouldn't allow it. My little brother saw him strike her and went mad. He lashed out at that bastard with everything he had in his tiny body. Nails, Teeth, feet kicking, arms flailing, he even bashed his little head into his father's own forehead. After than Wrath would lash out ever time Bradly got near. He would attack, and eventually get beaten into submission, but he never stopped lashing out. I was the one who took care of him back then, after the fights Mother couldn't. I started calling him my "wrathful little imp" and finally just Wrath. It sounds like a name now, to me at least. I forget it's a word describing an emotion. It's just his name._

"You still don't mind me calling you Wrath do you?" Envy asked quietly. His little brother had almost fallen asleep at the feeling of having his hair gently played in.

"Huh? No, dummy. I don't want to be named after that asshole that Mom was married to." He said. Envy smacked him lightly on the side of the head.

"Don't fucking swear." He said with a laugh.

"You swear!" Wrath defended

"I'm older."

"Humph, whatever." Wrath pouted, but could barely hide a snicker under the pout. Grinning at the opportunity, Envy reached over and poked his brother in the side. The younger male leapt to the side, collapsing into giggles.

"Tickle! tickly Tickly!" Envy cried out, holding his hands in the air an wiggling his fingers. He tickled as Wrath tried to escape his grasp, laughing madly. Envy stopped and caught the little boy just as he fell off the side of the bed. He drew his brother safely back onto his lap as the laughs receded. Now out from under the blankets, it was obvious Wrath was dressed in some of Envy's old clothes. A slightly worn black tank hung from the child's thin body, his legs bore a pair of shorts that must have been outgrown by Envy long ago.

"Come on, Clean up a little so we can watch a movie..." Envy said finally, setting Wrath on the floor and moving towards the kitchen.

"They came by again today. I think they are trying to trick me into telling them I'm here..." Wrath said as he began to pick up the messy apartment.

"Who, the campus people? Damn...I was hoping they would give up by now. You weren't scared were you?" Envy asked from inside the fridge. "Leftover potatoes and some frozen chicken-nuggets sound okay?" He added.

"NO! I'm not scared of anyone! People are scared of me, not the other way around!" Wrath denied loudly.

"That's my boy." Envy muttered with a chuckle.

"Chicken and taters sounds good. Anyway, They were pounding on the door in the middle of class-time yelling if anyone was in here to open up. Then they were all like "you know we aren't going to hurt you. We can take you somewhere good. with parents for you." And I just went back to sleep." Wrath said. His brother sighed.

"You...you know...If you ever want to go with them and go into a foster home where you might have a mom and dad again you can. I'll be okay, and I would even try and find yo-"

"NO! STOP IT! I DON'T WANT ANYONE BUT YOU! NO ONE ELSE IS GOOD ENOUGH!" Wrath screamed, suddenly sounding hurt, angry and scared. Envy silently thanked whatever god or goddess ran this universe for soundproof apartments. He moved away from the pre-heating oven and knelt to put his arms around his panicking and now crying brother. He sat there for some time while Wrath calmed down and wondered to himself if this was really the life he wanted to bring the little boy into. Not that he had a choice, but it worried him, mostly...that Wrath could turn out just like him. Alone but for the last scrap of family he had left, and self-exiled over undiagnosed dysfuntionalities and a desire to break society down and stamp out standards. He sighed against the warm little body pressed against his and a tear fell down his pale cheek. 'I don't know how much longer I can go it alone...God, Goddess or whatever you are...please...send me some help...' He wished (refusing to "pray" ) 'I have no faith and no reason for all that i have done to deserve a reward, but for Wrath's sake, please send some help. Please...'

'Please...'

-----

"Did you hear? Envy threatened that poor new girl, Shessa was it?"

"Sheska. She's one of the transfers from the school in the next town. The one that had that fire. There were like, thirty students from that school that moved here. Poor girl doesn't know the pecking order huh?"

"I heard he threw her down after she got within a foot of him..."

"I hear that he's a manic-depressive and he's keeping a little kid hostage in his dorm."

"Scary...I sure wouldn't want to make enemies with that freak..." All the girls at the table nodded in agreement. The school didn't have a queen bee, but it did have it's own table of preps at lunch. They liked to sit around and talk about the worst the school had to offer.

"I agree. He's such a creep, and a fag, too. Don't you all agree..." A sinister voice crept up behind one of the girls, causing her to pale. Another choked on her lunch while yet another pointed and stammered.

"Che...Chelsie...It's..."

"Envy." Envy finished, reaching an arm around "chelsie"s shoulder. "And I would hate for something to happen to my lovely fanclub so you might want to hold your wandering tongue. You shouldn't speak of things about which you have no knowledge." His voice held a particularly poison edge, probably from the comments about holding a child hostage. He needed to take care of that gossip problem right away. He had no problem with them talking about him, but Wrath wasn't even old enough to be involved and he was already getting dragged into this world. "Watch yourselves ladies." He threatened, taking the girl's plastic knife as she began to hyperventilate under his tight grasp. He turned the knife over and stabbed it violently into the chicken patty on her plate before stalking away.

The room silenced three tables away from wherever he was, and several kids moved out of line when he walked up to the lunch servers.

"Morning, Mr. Curtis..." Envy said with a false brightness.

"N.V. Back of the line."

"But sir, they moved out of the way just for me...it was their choice!" Envy argued, trying to seem innocent. Mr. Curtis was tough, but Envy wasn't about to back down. That was, until one of the only people who ever scared him made her presence known.

"Envy!" Mrs. Izumi's voice barked, causing the teen to jump, though not terribly visibly. "Are you really going to eat anything anyway?"

"No ma'am." Envy replied, so quiet only she could hear him.

"Get out of my line." She hissed, almost as quiet. Unlike many of the other teachers, who either feared Envy or specifically tried to trip him up, Izumi actually respected him in a strange way, treating him like he had reasons for the way he was. She tried, many times, to help him. She also did nothing to damage his reputation, though she would only go so far to protect it if it came to something very serious. Incidentally, she was the only one who knew about Wrath. For some strange reason, she had a soft spot for the two of them. However, appearances must be kept up. Envy wandered away, preferring to skip the meal and eat after classes. He knew it was probably Anorexia or something, which was undoubtedly what kept him so skinny. He ate, but he ate very little and only things that he absolutely loved. Most days he would have one meal, if anything, and that was only because he knew Wrath deserved to have some sort of cooked meal at least once a day.

As usual, he passed through the center of the cafeteria. Rumor-mills temporarily stopped turning as he passed. He moved to his usual table. Alone, by choice though, unlike the outcasts who sat alone because they had to. He noted a large group of students who didn't stop talking when he came near. 'They must be the transfers. looks like no higher-class jocks or preps were forced here from the burnt-down school. Figures, they would put them in a school that had a half-descent budget. The whole lot of them were two and three tables away from Envy's usual spot and he watched them with mild interest. They all looked a little brainy in one way or another. There wasn't a goth among them, but several looked like drama freaks, history or science geeks. He couldn't tell if any of them were gay. He sighed and smoothed his camouflage shorts. they matched well with his olive-drab spaghetti-strap top, which was cropped to show his stomach. He was wearing as much of this type of clothing as he could before the last bit of warmth dissipated from the autumn air. A voice filtered into his consciousness, someone was near _his _table. He glared around.

"Winrey said she would hang out...I think she and Sheska ditched us to sit outside. Winrey is such a spaz. She claims some psycho she used to know is going to try and kill Sheska."

"That's ridiculous. Well, I suppose it's more believable then Sheska's claim that that janitor...Kibly or kimbly or something...was the one who started the fire at the old school." The other laughed. "Hey brother...where are we going to sit?"

"Um...gosh, all the tables where kids from the old school are sitting are full Al...I guess we are on our own." He replied. Envy studied the pair. They certainly did look like brothers. One was a touch taller. They both were blond...One (the taller) with dirty blond hair cut short but windswept and the other with bright straw-colored hair. As he turned, Envy could see his hair was braided in the back in a loose braid. He was suddenly and painfully reminded of his mother. He shook his head and continued to watch them. They looked like history geeks, probably into old science and astronomy. They would most likely join the history or book club...'God I'm good at this.' Envy congratulated himself on his ability to read people.

"Hey look, It's Roy...Hey Roy, over here!" The darker-blond...Al Envy remembered...called another kid over. This one had a wicked smirk and black hair that was short and messy. He had slanted eyes, Envy guessed asian of some sort.

"Aw damn Al, why did you have to call him over, now he thinks he can sit with us!"

"But...he's our friend." Al replied.

"Correction, he's your friend. I hate him." The other brother groaned when 'Roy' and another kid - a girl, she looked stern - sat with them.

"Hey boys! What's up? Ed, Al! You remember Riza?" Roy addressed them. Envy guessed 'ed' was the one with the braid. They began to chat about the transfer to a new school. Envy lost interest for a while, glaring around the room instead. He sighed. He couldn't figure out why, but that Ed kid pissed him off. He began to analyze it like he did everything when he was bored.

_Why don't I like him? Well, obviously, I don't like anybody...but he just put me in a terrible mood...why? Al seems nice...Roy seems like an idiot. Riza's obviously quiet. Those ones are usually dangerous...she reminds me of Izumi Curtis a little. Okay...so Ed sat down, chatting with who I'm guessing was his brother...They know rockbell, maybe that's it? no...because they think that shes a conspiracy spaz. That wouldn't piss me off. Okay...Al called Roy over...Ed didn't want Roy there, even though he knows him...That's it...What a little bastard. Who has friends that they don't like even though those friends like them! It's not fair...I want a friend who likes me...I can't even have that much! and he just turns it down. Damn, that really makes me mad. He should appreciate what he has...What I don't. Fuck...I'm so pissed off right now._

Before he knew it, Envy was getting to his feet, his brown flip-flops clacked against the tile as he stalked over to their table. He looked at Ed, meeting the boy's golden gaze.

"I _hate_ you." He said simply, before walking away. Several natives to the school gasped audibly. Ed just stared at the stranger as he walked away.

"What...was that all about..." Ed said softly.

--

"OOOOH NO! Envy has it out for you now too!" Winrey Rockbell shouted in the middle of the hall. She was walking with Ed to their next class.

"What? Who the hell is Envy?!" Ed asked as if not quite trusting her statement at all.

"Envy! The freak with the long black hair and pale skin! He...He's the kid everyone's afraid of...he seriously hurts people. Anyone who gets in his way! He tore this one kid to shreds once and there's all sorts of nasty rumors going around...I used to know him really good...he's not mentally stable Ed..." Winrey warned.

"Winrey, what the hell? You never listen to rumors! What has this school done to you, this isn't the Winrey I know. Not saying I defend this guy, but damn..."

"I'm not prejudice Ed! I'm real!"

"Yeah, whatever...This is my class...See ya!" Ed walked away from her with a wave. She stood slack-jawed. For some reason, Ed's words just stung. Really badly.

"Just wait! He will make your life a living hell!" She called after him.

--

_And I would, too. The next couple weeks, I spent alot of energy getting 'ed' into embarrassing situations. I couldn't beat him up simply for having friends, as Wrath so kindly pointed out. But I could make sure that circumstance made him want the friends he had. Of course, he doesn't know it's coming from me, but it's still making me feel better. Everything else is shitty too. The teachers suck...and I can't seem to find a quiet moment on campus anywhere, everywhere I go people are there...there's way to damn many students here, and as a resident with no legal guardian I have to take a teacher or councilor with me when I leave. It's usually Izumi, but Even then she doesn't like to let me out of her sight for long. I think she's scared I'm going to do something stupid. Feh. like I would leave Wrath here all alone. I feel like crying, I feel like dying...why is everything suddenly starting to feel way to god damned heavy...I don't like it...If I cant handle this, I can't handle being there for Wrath...I have to be strong._

--

Alphonse Elric wandered by himself. Ed had a special extra-credit class to make up for something or another he was failing at their old school, so he had to go it alone. He had chosen to spend the free period exploring the school campus. It was quite big, Al hardly believed that a school like this existed. It was a revolutionary program, running a school this big. It was an attempt to find a way to help with the lack of education on a large scale. Al didn't like it though. It was hard to get close to anyone and the clique order was way to strong here. The students from the old school had formed their own 'Clique' banding together against the popular or powerful kids. They were popular in their own way, but they were also considered weird, and he and Ed hadn't made a single friend and it seemed Winrey wasn't pleased with their "status" in the school as it was. He sighed as he walked, running his fingers over the wall next to him as he walked beneath the apartment like buildings that made up the dorms.

"Maybe brother would enjoy living in the dorms instead of at home...He hates that it reminds him of Dad..." Al muttered to himself. Something caught his eye and he looked up. Above him a tiny form was hauling a bag of trash over the ledge.

"Hey there! How are you?" Al called out. The little boy paled and ran inside. "Weird...I think I'll check it out, it's not like anyone is around." And with a small laugh, Al quickly scaled the stairs tot he second story and counted the doors to where he had seen the boy run inside. He moved up and knocked gently on the door.

No answer.

"Hey...Kiddo, I'm not gonna hurt ya...I saw you out there. You don't have to worry...I won't tell anyone your here."

Still no answer. Al was determined though. He had a feeling, and those were almost always right. He slid down the wall and sat against the door frame.

"I'm still here...My name's Al, Alphonse Elric...Who are you?" When he got no reply he simply continued talking. "are you someone's little brother? You looked familiar. I'm someone's little brother too. Even though I'm taller than my big brother. I'm walking around out here to clear my head. See, I'm worried about my big brother. He doesn't make any friends, he hates the friends we do have...He hasn't liked anyone but me since Mom died. I think it's taking it's toll. He's getting tired, you know...what I mean?" Al paused when he heard someone rustling around inside. There was a click, and the door opened a tiny crack.

"My brother is like that. Did your mom really die..." A voice asked from beyond the door. A large purple eye was pressed so close to the crack in the door Al could see it clearly.

"Yea, she did. It was some disease...I don't think they ever diagnosed it." Al replied, not making a move so as not to startle the child.

"My mom was murdered...Envy says it was Dad's fault..." the voice said quietly.

'envy...' Al thought. 'that was the boy...who said he hated ed...' "My brother blames our dad too."

"My Dad isn't Envy's dad. He hated Envy, and when I fought back for Mommy he hated me too. I'm Wrath. Brother says I can't open the door in case the child protective people come, but i had to take the trash out, so don't tell anyone kay?" Al decided that this kid was either really stir-crazy or he had no attention span.

"I wont tell anyone. You are staying of your own free will, right?" Al inquired, just to be sure.

"Yeah, I don't want to be separated from my brother..." Wrath replied, opening the door a little further when he sat down on the other side of it.

"I thought so. Do you get to leave ever?" Wrath shook his head. "How about this...I'll talk to some people when I get to know them a little better...maybe sometime this year after I have gotten to know your brother a little me and Edward can take you out to play sometime? I know it's probably hard for your brother to leave since he's a resident..." Wrath nodded. "I have to go now...my brother will be getting out of class. I'll catch you later and don't worry...I wouldn't do anything on purpose to separate you and your brother. I swear on my mother's soul." And with that he stood and walked away, back towards the school.

--

Author's post-notes:

Thank you for reading! bow I am having so much fun writing this one. I am hoping to upload regularly so please check back...

If you have the time review. I will respond to any awsome reviews (like, awsome if they have critiques or even suggestions! I promise to give you a reply if you write something more than just "I like it! Write more!") And I would love ideas about the story (even if I don't incorporate it, I will ALWAYS listen to opinions.) However, please don't be too harsh on my grammer, writing is difficult for me since I'm dyslexic. I am also already aware that I may have alot of inconsistancies with how a real school runs. I was homeschooled. I have never been in a highschool in my life. Bear with me and unless it is painfully obvious, just use the excuse that the school is a strange new kind of state-government schooling program! hehe

Pairings: You will have to wait and see ;P May or may not contain Yaoi and or possibly sugested Yuri (Yes, I have no gender-bias in my pairings) It's mostly a story of self-discovery, not romance, though loving is part of self discovery.

Warnings: Angst, Bitchy!Envy, very AU, slight OOC (simply because the character's backgrounds aren't what they are in the series, therefore they are at root the same people but with some differing learned traits) Some grammer problems XD I'm fixing them though.

Characters: Envy, Wrath, Ed, Al, Winrey, Sheska, Izumi, Roy, Riza - Mentioned: Sloth, Clara, Pride, Dante, Greed (possible character later) More to come tee hee!

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. I own several FMA mangas, a movie with Aaron Dismuke's Siggy on it, Several Vic autographs and his CD, Al stuff (too much XD) My imagination, several t-shirts and much more, but not FMA. I also don't own the Yellowcard Song the Title is named for. It inspired the story that started out a simple drabble (aka, the first bit in itallics was all this story was going to be). So there.

--

Next Chapter! "Nothing I won't Give"

Envy's a working girl! Rather...guy. His part-time job pact with Izumi, Wrath's sick, Envy has a very _very_ bad day. It's not going to be pretty.

heart


	2. Nothing I won't give

Pre-notes

Hello there! Welcome to chapter two my loves!

I'm not too terribly happy about this chapter, but I simply cant place what's wrong with it. I wasn't in the right mode when I wrote it, so blah. I have edited it so many times and I still feel slightly blah about it, but what's done is done. Please don't let it get in the way of continueing to read the story. I like to think later chapters make up for a few bad days. More notes at the end.

Warnings: Violence

**Nothing I won't give – Chapter 2**

"Hey Kiddo...I'm home..." Envy said after he shut the door to his dormitory apartment. Wrath, who had been curled on the couch watching television, leapt up and ran over to his older brother. He wrapped his small arms around Envy's waist.

"Hi Envy. I missed you!" He said through the material of Envy's denim skort.

"Missed you too, squirt. Anything interesting on TV?" He asked when Wrath finally let go of his legs.

"No nothing. Boring old re-runs of the same shows all day. Bravo has a new project runway at seven, want me to record it?" Wrath said, climbing back onto the couch and his pile of pillows he had assembled.

"Please do, I don't know when I'll be able to watch it, but you know I'm addicted to that show..." Envy laughed as he began to undress from his school fashion. He pulled on a pair of very short cut-off sweatpants and a gray wife beater that fit his body like a second skin. Even in grunge-clothes, Envy felt the need to try and look cute. When dressed, he moved to the kitchen, absently preparing a meal from what little they had this close to the end of the payday.

"Hey...bro-bro..." Wrath said, a little more quietly than he had previously been speaking. Envy sighed. Wrath using 'bro-bro' meant one of two things usually. He had gotten into trouble or he wanted something special.

"Yeah?" Envy replied slowly.

"Promise you won't freak out, kay? I kind of had a visitor today..."

"Wh...what?! Who??" Envy gasped.

"He was a student! A boy named Alphonse. He has a big brother too, one named Ed. He saw me outside because he was walking around during school hours...I was just taking the trash out, I promise...He said he wouldn't do anything that would make us get separated though...Brother are you mad? I really believe he meant it..."

"Probably did. Al's not a bad kid, just be careful that he doesn't get seen too. Did you let him in the house?"

"No, you said I couldn't...?" Wrath ended it like a question as he turned to watch his brother instead of the television set.

"Okay. You can let him in if he ever comes back. I don't want him sitting outside the door talking to you, it looks weird. I don't mind you having a friend, Wrath. Okay?" Envy said. 'who am I trying to convince? Wrath or me?' he thought to himself. He finished preparing food and gave Wrath a full plate, moving into the bathroom himself and eating nothing. In the bathroom he took his headband off, splashed water on his face and pulled his hair up into a hair band directly on the top of his head. No-one knew this was the actual secret to keeping his hair the way he did, every night he would tie it up in a ponytail in the center of the top of his head. He laughed at himself. He was cute, even though he looked kind of like a girl going somewhere to exercise. He stepped back out, cleared Wrath's already finished plate and set it next to the pot in case the child wanted more to eat.

"You gonna be okay here alone?" Envy asked, squatting in front of his little brother to ruffle the boy's hair.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Can I watch your RENT dvd?" Wrath asked, adding a small pout to insure he got his way.

"Of course...Be back at eleven okay?" Envy said, giving his brother a quick hug before standing and slipping barefooted into a pair of white sneakers.

"Okay. I'll be asleep."

"Goodnight sweetie." Envy said, and with that shut and locked the front door.

--

The light from the back-door of the cafeteria cast an eerie glow around Izumi Curtis at night as she stood waiting in the doorway. She was a well-built woman, standing to intimidate with her arms crossed across her chest. She had long hair dreadlocked and pulled into a ponytail and wore a simple button-up shirt and black pants.

"Your late, Envy..." She said. Envy swore. He thought he was way out of view when she had spotted him. It was just no use trying to ninja around Izumi.

"Sorry...class ran long and then I had to try and find something edible left over to fix for Wrath." Envy muttered, his excuse petering out under Izumi's glare. The woman softened though, and turned to walk into the building. That was Envy's signal to follow.

"How's the little imp? She inquired, turning on lights as they walked in the back-ways of the kitchen area.

"He's doing okay I guess...He made friends with some kid that was walking around the grounds today. One of the transfers from the school that burned down, Al's his name I think." Envy opened a supply closet and grabbed a mop bucket, hauling it over to a sink to fill it with hot water and dish soap.

"Al Elric?" Izumi asked as she returned to her normal duty of dishes.

"Yeah, I think that's it." Envy replied. He finished filling the mop-bucket and set to work on the counters first with the soap-water and a rag.

"You can trust him with Wrath...Al wouldn't do anything to harm someone who is also a 'little brother'." She informed him. "I used to be good friends with those boys' families." She said as she watched the black-haired teen scrub vigorously. No-one could ever say he wasn't a hard worker.

She had hired Envy part-time herself to help with the after-school cleaning. It was some trick getting him hired with no interview so the school board didn't know he was working there, but she knew he needed the money. Much as the school provided a home, shelter and education for the resident kids, they still had to eat. In addition, Envy had to pay for Wrath's online classes so he could continue to get an education without being discovered by CPS. There was no other way for her to help him other than get him to work for the school without the school knowing. Plus, she believed, it did him good to be humble around someone...to trust someone. She studied him when she was sure he wasn't looking. It seemed like Envy would probably never show this side of himself to anyone at school, sweating and scrubbing and getting his nails dirty and his clothes stained. He concentrated hard when he worked, night after night. It was probably the only structure the boy had, and he clung to it. Izumi wanted badly to help him, but she also knew that only time would give her an opportunity to do something good for the two of them. 'I'll know when the time is right...until then I just have to stick close and keep an eye on them.' She thought to herself.

--

"Goodnight! thanks for your help, remember, payday is in two days so I'll take you off campus for the usual shopping, okay?" Izumi whispered, giving Envy a quick hug before waving goodbye and driving off towards her house off the campus.

"Goodnight, Izumi...thanks." Envy said, equally quiet. He trudged home, dreading the mountain of homework he would have to work on when he got back. He began to work over the studies in his head. By the time he got to the dorms he had a pretty good idea of what to complete and what could go left undone. At least he had given up on math. One failing grade wouldn't kill him if he made up for it in other classes, so he didn't have that stress...He sighed and opened the door. Three hours worth of homework done he finally retired, pulling his shirt off and climbing into the bed where Wrath already had himself wrapped tightly in the covers. Envy curled himself against the warmer body (which caused wrath to try and squirm away in his sleep. Apparently Envy was colder than he thought he was. When they had both settled into comfortable positions, Envy noted that his little brother's breathing was a little strange, but he let it go, falling into a slightly troubled sleep.

The sleep didn't last though. A strangled sound woke Envy a short three and a half hours. He sat up, trying to figure out what had made that strange noise...it sounded like...He looked around wildly for his little brother...Wrath was no-where to be found. Envy stood and ran into the bathroom, and sure enough, there was his younger brother bent double over the toilet. He was dry-heaving by now. Wrath whimpered a little as his stomach convulsed and he coughed again, nothing coming from his mouth.

"Wrath! Are you okay?" Envy said, dropping to the floor and gathering his pale younger brother into his arms. The boy was shaking from the vomiting. Envy tried not to get sick too as he attempted to calm Wrath's dry heaves. After several minutes of cooing and trying to relax the youngster he grabbed a rag and wet it, cleaning Wrath's face and flushing the toilet. He laid his brother down on the couch and brought him a glass of water. Wrath, on the other hand, just laid there slightly dazed.

"Sip, okay? Don't gulp...Just try and drink a tiny bit..." He said softly, stroking the boy's black hair and sweeping a few strands from sticking to Wrath's sweaty face. Wrath nodded and sat up.

-

"What do you mean I can't call in sick? I just threw up my breakfast! Damn your stupid. No I mean it, your really stupid. You have got to be fucking kidding me! I can't be expelled for calling in sick to school! I want to speak to the-Hello? Hello! BITCH! don't fucking hang up on me!!" Envy slammed the receiver down. He had to be at his first class in thirty minutes and Wrath was still puking every half hour since six that morning.

"You can't stay can you?" Wrath rasped from the couch-bed Envy had made comfortable for him.

"No...they won't let me. Do you want me to call Izumi? I still have her cell number...she might come over and-"

"No, I'll be okay. someone might wonder why she's here and come after me. I'll be okay until you get off. I will just watch TV or something..." Wrath said, trying to smile.

--

The slamming of the locker was a warning to everyone, stay the hell away from Envy today. If Envy ever had a bad day, it was today. Wrath was sick, somehow or another he had gotten food poisoning. Envy had to go to class or risk getting expelled. Apparently one sick day was all he needed to get kicked, which would leave him and Wrath on the streets. The administration had screwed him, and Wrath was at home trying to take care of himself while Envy sat through class after class. This day couldn't end well.

Today he wore a white tank, cropped but very loose. It hung off one shoulder. The white material was spattered with red, made to look like blood (or perhaps it was? Several rumors had already started about that shirt of his). A pair of stretchy black shorts reached his knees, a denim wrap torn to shreds was pulled over it and several chains jingled around his neck. His combat boots clunked down the hallway.

Students ran to get out of his way as he stalked down the hallway, trying to get to his class, which was ironically on the other side of the campus. He didn't want to run, but being late would be a pain. He was halfway across the schoolyard when the bell rang. He uttered several swearwords and with a look that could kill began to run across the field. He reached the other side, running up yet another set of useless halls. He shoved a freshman down on his way, hissing more swearwords in the poor boy's direction. Voices sounded behind him, words like "freak" "spaz" "psycho" dotted around back there, but he didn't have time to deal with them. He hauled the door open, bending a hinge. He stood panting as the teacher stared at him.

"Mr Na-

"Call me N.V. god Dammit. I don't go by my slave name."

"Mr. N.V. Care to explain the tardy?" The teacher's smug tone seemed to scream 'See, you are a useless piece of shit, just like I always tell everyone.' the statement was written across the superior's face.

"Your classroom is across the fucking world from my god damn locker." Envy spat, stalking into the classroom and taking a seat.

"You are not allowed to use offensive language in my classroom, do I make myself clear?" The teacher growled.

"Crystal..." Envy snarled back. That teacher needed to be taught a lesson. At this point, anyone who got between him and his brother was just a target though. Class was difficult, Envy had no concept of math and it quite simply pissed him off. He would fail, definitely. He never expected to succeed. Finally, after an eternity the bell rang. He was up and towards the door in an instant, but a firm hand gripped his wrist tightly. Envy hissed and turned to meet the teacher's gaze.

"You are going to stay here until you get this concept, I will _not_ have a failure in my class. Do you understand?" Something about the man's tone made it sound like a statement instead of a question. His breath wreaked of tobacco...he was beginning to leave bruises on envy's pale skin...Spots were swimming before Envy's eyes...it had been a while since he lost it. He dropped his gaze to the floor.

"I want an answer, boy...or should I say bitch? Faggot boys like you will never amount to anything." The man lifted Envy's limp wrist above the boy's head. Minutes passed. "I SAID ANSWER ME." The man barked. Envy's head snapped up. His expression had changed though. Instead of the hateful scowl he held, his eyes were calm, his thin lips smiling. His amethyst orbs burned with a passionate hatred that boiled away under the icy surface of expression.

"You...are _truly_ retarded." Envy said, grinning wider. He twisted his wrist in the man's tightening grip. It made a sickening crunch beneath the beefy fingers, causing the superior to drop hold of the teen as if he had suddenly caught on fire. Envy let his arm fall and then brought his wrist back up. It was twisted at such an odd angle the teacher's stomach gave a lurch just to look at it.

"My god, I think you broke my wrist. I tried to tell you you were hurting me...I tried but you wouldn't let go. I cried out, telling you to let me go, that I wasn't comfortable with this physicality but you wouldn't give in. Then, you slapped me and I flew into a desk..." The teacher's eyes widened. He reached out to stop Envy but it was too late, the boy had already let himself fall dead-weight into a desk, putting a huge, bloody bruise on his pale cheek. He stood again and smiled. The teacher backed up, starting to shiver at the way the freakish child forted the pain away with a grin. 'this kid is...crazy...' he thought to himself, stumbling as he tried to back away.

"You! You broke your own wrist..."

"That's not the way it will be remembered now is it. I could make it worse you know..." Envy grasped his swelling wrist with his other hand and twisted further, laughing as he did so.

"STOP!! WHAT DO YOU WANT??"

"Your suffering. Never get in my way again..." Envy kicked a plastic chair with all his anger, putting a hole right through the seat and bloodying his leg when he withdrew it. And with that he limped away from the classroom towards the medical ward (the school, he noted, had a fully operational mini-hospital). It would only take an hour or so to patch him up, and they would send him back to his dorm so he could take care of Wrath. It beat being at school for another five hours.

--

"Did you hear about Envy's rampage?" Winrey whispered to Sheska. She had stopped the girl in the hall in between classes and pulled her into the girl's restroom. It was hard to be friends with someone in a different grade, but she always managed to find Sheska

"No...what happened..." The brunette bookworm said, glancing around nervously.

"I'm not too sure, some say he beat himself up and laughed about it, blaming it on the teacher...some people are saying it was some weird S&M stuff he was doing with the math teacher for our grade...all we knew is his wrist is badly broken, his face hit a desk and a chair has a hole all the way through the seat...Their saying that he's going to stab anyone who asks him what happened." She said excitedly.

"Winrey...I know that that job for the school paper requires you to dish the dirt but why are you on Envy's case all the time? He...didn't even hurt me or say anything that horribly mean the day I ran into him..." Sheska said softly, feeling a little badly for the subject of all this talk. She didn't like gossip much.

"Are you kidding? He was about to smash your face in!" Winrey said, waving her arms around as if Sheska was mad for even suggesting Envy was going to let her off the hook They stepped out of the bathroom and into the crowded hallway. Sheska watched Winrey run off to her next class. On the other hand, Sheska had a free period to visit the library. She turned and began to make her way to the third floor. Sheska was simple to look at. A long brown skirt brushed the ground and maroon boots covered her feet. A maroon blouse with long sleeves and a beaded pattern around the neck adorned her top half. Her hair wasn't fixed in any way, just combed and her amber eyes shone from under square lenses. She walked along, not shying from anyone, or drawing near to anyone. Truly, she seemed a very neutral girl.

--

_That Sheska girl walks into the library. She doesn't know I'm here...then, no-one really does. It's easy to hide on the second-story that surrounds the main floor, no-one comes up here. All the books up here are educational ones that have nothing to do with anything they test on here so they are completely useless to anyone going to school here. It's a perfect place to watch people and sit alone for a while. So there she is...she walks so shy, but not from anyone in particular. She looks like she hasn't got any friends she wants to be with right now. I think I know why everyone is talking about me 'almost' going off on her. It's Rockbell, that demon-woman. She makes me so sick. Her blond hair and blue eyes...her gorgeous figure, her girlishness. We started hanging out in middle school. She was the coolest person I had ever met. Confident, girly but tough, pretty and best of all nice. Mother even liked her. She thought we were great friends together. Winrey had dolls, I loved to play with them. Winrey had pink things, I loved them. She had lace in her room and made cookies at home...Everything was so perfect...until high-school. _

_We started out in a different school, but she found out that there were people she shared interests with. Some other people who liked mechanics and things like that. There was a fight. Winrey knew I had a temper, she had seen me break things and hurt myself when I was upset about my brother's father and my mother. I guess her friends said things about me...about my temper when they would catch glimpses of it. Winrey had come to accept it as a fact about me. The others saw it as something new...and scary. That was the start of the deterioration...then there was the femininity concept. Somehow it became un-okay for me to like girls things. She didn't want to be seen with me when I wore a skirt, or a cropped shirt. She didn't want to let me borrow her makeup to experiment. She no longer wanted to talk about boys, or clothes. Finally she asked me if I wanted to learn how to fix a car. I joked with her, saying something like 'Oh, no, that stuff is far to masculine for a chick like me.' she laughed it off, but she stopped talking to me after that. _

_We transferred at the same time for different reasons. With a new school I thought maybe we could reconnect together...wrong-o. It created a further rift, and even worse when my Mother died. I began to get more stressed. I had more fits...there was more hurting, yelling...I began scaring kids in the school. At the end of freshman year, she joined the school paper, and for lack of a more ready target she began writing about me, the 'dangerous' psycho at our school who beat people up and had major hormonal mood swings. _

_Now she's trying to poison some bookworm freshman against me. I don't know what I did, but whatever it was it lost me my only friend. It makes my heart feel like it's slowly burning away. I sigh and dangle my feet on the balcony. I'm skipping math. The teacher can't say anything anymore._

Envy glanced at his bound wrist. It hurt. It didn't hurt when it happened, Envy was too far gone at that point to feel. He did now though. Ever time he wanted to move a finger or turn his arm...it was amazing him what all connected to the wrist. He stood and walked down the stairs, headed for the door. He heard his name called and looked around wildly, bringing his good hand up in a fist to threaten anyone who dare approach him.

"Envy..." The voice said again. It belonged to Sheska, he realized with surprise. He didn't respond except to glare at the girl who sat at a table reading. She looked up at him and spoke. "Don't...let Winrey get you down. She's a little crazy right now...I hope she gets out of this phase soon. You two used to be friends right? don't...let her way of being...taint the way you think of all friends." She said before turning back to her book.

'Does she honestly think she can just address me? I'll beat her bloody!' Envy thought automatically trying to get himself upset about it in order to keep it from happening again. He couldn't, however, harm someone who hadn't caused him an animosity. What would his brother think? Deeper in his mind though, he was wondering how come _she_ wasn't afraid of him.

--

"Hey brother?"

"Yeah Al?" Ed replied. He was lying on his back on a couch, reading a book in his hand. He was obviously relaxed at home, wearing only his boxers and a wifebeater. At school he never so proudly displayed his right arm and left leg. They were always covered. He didn't want that kind of attention. His prosthetics were top of the line, the kind that you could cause movements in by moving certain muscles in your remaining tissue. That didn't change the fact that they were strange metal and plastic-made limbs that weren't' the same color as his skin and made him look like a cripple. His brother, the only person he was comfortable seeing his prosthetics.

"What do you know...about the kid they call Envy?" Al inquired. He was laying on the floor, flipping through an oriental trading company catalog.

"I know only rumors Al. Okay...that's a lie. I know he likes to wear very little clothes, skirts mostly. I know he hates me. I know that the other kids all think he's bad news. I know he's probably anorexic...I know winrey has a pretty harsh grudge against him...and I know that the first two weeks of school he was playing mostly harmless pranks on me for some weird reason." ed summed up, setting his book on the back of the sofa face-down to hold the page. "Why? You hear something?" Ed asked.

"No...Just wondering. Everybody at that school talks about everybody's business...It's kind of unnerving."

"Why do you think I don't tell anyone there about this." He motioned to his non-flesh arm and leg. "We go to school to learn, not to socialize. People like Envy and Winrey are just the same, so caught up in the drama of social life they forget that their going to school."

"What do you suppose drives someone like that?"

"Like who, Winrey or Envy?"

"... Envy I guess..."

"I don't know...I know if I didn't control myself as much as I do, I would probably end up doing what most of the rumors say he does. The memory of Mom is hard to keep." Ed said softly, staring at the ceiling now.

Al nodded, but he didn't stop thinking about it. Maybe he could do something to help out...all he could do was try. He knew it was trouble to get involved in the affairs of others...but Wrath...that kid needed help, and he guessed that Envy probably did too. He wanted to help wake winrey up, too. He just wanted to effect some change...He knew it might be his undoing, but it was in his blood. 'Mom...you were the same way, huh?' Alphonse thought to himself.

--

Post notes!

Well, There you have it Please join me for Chapter two oh and here, disclaimers!

I DONT OWN! Nor do I pwn, pawn, ownx0r or haz FMA. I simply play with the characters. I also don't own the song the title is named after, by Vic Mignongna (Who is the MOST AWSOME! I adore him. Aaron Dismuke is my fav, but Vic is the shiznit. Anyway, please note each chapter has a song title for the chapter name! And every song is very carefully selected to pertain to the chapter! And they are all from my playlist! I plan to continue this trend.

Please review, I give love to those who do (I'm very diligent to talk to my reviewers. I love you guys so much! If you have anything critical to say, please say it! I love to improve!

Next chapter: Chapter 3 – The Kids are all Fed up

Life looks hopeless. Envy is not himself when he's this way. Terrible things begin, can Envy cope? Will he even remember who he is when he thinks fighting for his life? A broken cafeteria table, a horde of cheering students and a frightened teen, The kids are all fed up.


	3. pt 1 The kids are all Fed up

Pre notes!

Thank you all for all the reviews! I'm so grateful!

Warnings: Violence, drug reference, swearing, Fights and Envy tripping out and CLIFFY! Don't hate meh.

**The kids are all f- - -ed up - Chapter 3**

CRACK

The lightning crashed above them as they stared each other down. The rain beat down, drenching both fighters and all the surrounding students. Envy's hair stuck to his face and back, dripping from his open leather vest and running down his shirtless form underneath. On the other end of the muddy school grounds stood Ed. His hair was down and he was equally soaked to the bone. His red button-up shirt lay discarded and he stood before the crowd in a black long-sleeved shirt and black leather gloves as well as black jeans. They sized each other up, both already had several bruises from their fast-paced fighting. Envy was the first to strike in the standstill He dashed forward, acting as if he were going to leap upward. He switched at the last moment and aimed a kick at Ed's legs. He collided and knocked Ed onto his back, but not for long. The wirey blond somersaulted backwards and then sprang forward, catching Envy in the ribs with his prosthetic shoulder which had a hard metal socket. The taller boy lost the wind from his lungs, landing with a squelch in the mud. Ed straddled the older boy and held Envy's wrists with either hand. He pinned the other boy with what little weight he had in his small body and leaned close enough to be heard over the chanting crowd.

"Tell me why the hell you hate me so much...Tell me. Why do you pick on me? Why the pranks, the little reminders that your watching...why pick fights with me...What did I do to offend you..." He hissed, inches away from Envy's face.

"You...you just don't get it. I hate you because you are you. Because you can be yourself...because people accept you for yourself and you push them away like their nothing, that's why." He growled, so quiet that only Ed could hear him. Lightning flashed, illuminating their features to one another. Ed was scowling. He lifted his weight off of Envy, standing and turning.

"Your talking about Roy and Riza now...I have my reason. Stay out of shit you don't know anything about..." Ed said, grabbing his shirt from a puddle and walking away through the crowd. Envy stared after him. No-one walked away from Envy. Almost no-one could walk after a fight with Envy, much less walk away from him entirely.

It had been two months since the incident with the math teacher. Classes were getting more stressful and it was getting harder to keep up with all the expenses of a home and a child. This was the third fight he had picked with Edward this month, but it was the first that ended like this. Previously they had just grazed each other a few times before a teacher broke them apart. This time though...Envy guessed he had said too much. Well, Ed did ask...He was only being honest. It seemed to hit home in a way though...something that bothered Envy a lot for some reason. It continued to bug him as the crowd disappeared, as the rain pooled around his head, his hair floating around him in the giant mud-puddle the lower schoolyards became in this weather. It vaguely occurred to him that no-one asked him if he was okay, laying there. No-one offered him a hand, in fact, when the action was over they left him for dead. It had been that way for too long for it to bother him now.

He was halfway submerged and freezing before he moved. His mind was still buzzing when he wandered home...the same questions rolling around in it.

_Why does it bother me that I irritated Ed. Why did Ed act that way? We seemed to have a mutual rivalry...no wait, that was the one I made up because I was bored and he was a good target. I can feel that hot feeling in my gut again...it's like anger, but not the kind of anger that rules my life. It's like a nervous, frustrated anger. I don't like it. It's weird. I hate him for being perfect and not seeing it. Seeing he's perfect...I hate him for it. I can't be accepted by anyone but Wrath. No-one can know me for long...no-one can stand my mood swings, or the way I dress or the way I act for very long. It's funny. I have the whole school wrapped around my finger. They talk when I want them to talk...they shut up when I want them to, they are all in my 'circle' they are all in my control...but not one of those people who pay me so much attention has even the slightest care for me. They wouldn't mind...if I died. They would probably feel better if I-...No, Envy...that's the kind of talk that leads to dangerous things. I have to live for Wrath, if no-one else. Wrath._

--

"I'll pick you back up in three hours okay?" Izumi asked as Envy got out of her beater of a car in the shopping lot.

"Yeah, that's cool...I just need to get groceries and some clothes for Wrath...He's out-growing some of the clothes I can still wear!" Envy laughed a little. He laughed with Izumi sometimes, it was amazing. If she wasn't an adult, they might have been friends. Still, there was a level of respect for Mrs Izumi that kept Envy from considering himself anywhere near her equal.

"Don't tell anyone I left you..." She said flatly.

"I don't know why you trust me, I could run you know."

"You wouldn't leave Wrath, in that I have faith. And he wouldn't outgrow your hand-me downs so quick if you didn't wear clothes three sizes too small for you!" She scolded. Envy closed the car door, signaling the end of their conversation. He waved as she drove away and turned his attention to the grocery store. He sighed, still not quite forgiving himself for cooking out-dated food and making Wrath get sick. He promised himself he would never again allow it to get to that point, he would make sure to keep enough food for Wrath on hand at all times. A cart full of groceries and 100$ later, he made his way to Goodwill across the street with shopping cart still in tow. He picked out several simple outfits for Wrath. plain shirts and jean or black shorts that should fit him without being skintight like Envy's current clothes, or baggy like he used to wear them. These may be hand-me-downs too, but at least Wrath would be able to call them his own. That trip cost him another 50$, even though he got a lot of clothes and a few other things they needed (along with a $0.75 pair of purple velvet gloves, Envy's only present to himself.) The rest of this paycheck needed to go to make the next payment on Wrath's online schooling.

Lost in thought and calculation, he didn't even notice when he bumped into someone he knew. Alphonse Elric stared after the black-haired teen who had just clocked him in the shoulder.

"Ed, Envy!" he tried to warn, his teenage voice cracking, but it was too late. The two collided, knocking Envy onto his back and making him lose his wind. Ed was still standing, one of the few advantages of having a low center of gravity.

"Sorry." Ed scoffed, turning to walk around the gothic teen sprawled on the floor. Envy wrapped a hand around Ed's leg and pulled him down so that he smacked his face flat on the tile.

"NO FIGHTING IN THE STORE! ENVY LEAVE BEFORE I HAVE TO REPORT TO YOUR SCHOOL! You two blonds, get the hell out too." The cashier yelled. Ed and Envy, both completely pissed, scrambled to their feet and ran out the front door and into the street. Envy passed up Ed and stopped in front of him, aiming a punch for the blond's face. Alphonse ran out, apologizing to the clerk and grabbing their own and Envy's discarded shopping.

"Stop this brother! Let's just go!"

Ed dodged the punch by rolling sideways. "Al! He started it! I didn't do anything!" He reasoned, dodging a kick and grabbing a handful of Envy's long hair. Envy's hand swung around to catch Edward in the shoulder but there was a sickening crack they were all sure was Envy re-injuring the the wrist he had broken before. Ed glared at him, not flinching.

"What the fuck!" Envy yelped, drawing his hand back. He was obviously surprised to have connected with something other than flesh and bone in Edward's shoulder. Ed kicked him in he back, winding him again. He let go of the long black hair and allowed Envy to fall to the ground. Not to be defeated, Envy scrambled to his feet and launched himself dead-weight against the Elric boy, throwing them both into the pavement.

"Stop this Envy! We don't understand why we are your enemy!" Al cried out, stepping forward to try and separate the fury of tangled kicks and punches that was once two civilized older brothers.

"Stay out of...ngh...this Alphonse. Your a good friend for Wrath, I don't want to have to hurt him by hurting you. This is between me and the little piss ant." Envy growled. He slapped Al's hand away and was flung from Ed's small body for letting his guard down.

"Fuck...you..." Ed panted, trying to sit up on the pavement.

"What?!" Envy spat, dragging himself to his feet and ignoring the cool blood that trickled from sidewalk burns.

"I'm not your punching bag for ever time you have a bad day! You don't have a fucking clue. You think your the only one with problems! Fuck you...I don't need your jealousy. Your such an idiot. Your think you have the right to be called "Envy" because you think everyone wants to be you so God Damned bad. Well, Your wrong...they call you Envy because you want to be just like them. Your a jealous monster and I wouldn't want to be you...I wouldn't want to have to face myself...no, I wouldn't want to have to face my little brother...after acting like you do." Edward tore into him. He limped over to Al, taking Envy's purchases from him. He tossed the bag to Envy and walked away.

"Fuck you Elric! Fuck. YOU!" Envy screamed, almost hysterical. He realized a moment later that Edward could tell the school about him being out by himself...He wondered silently if the boy would. Probably. Most people had no problem invading Envy's every mode of normal life.

--

Izumi found herself picking up a very battered, very solemn boy. She sighed quietly, but didn't ask what happened. She couldn't coddle him if he was to become strong enough to stand on his own and wise enough to know his limits. She could only do so much and still keep from impeding his growth. That was a frustrating thought.

--

The next few days passed like normal. No-one did or said anything out of the ordinary. Unlike most kids, who were questioned about injuries, no teachers asked Envy why his wrist was again bandaged, why his face was scratched up. No one really cared why, they knew it was probably him who started whatever fight he had been in. A few times he was asked something similar to "Hey envy...nice bandages, the other guy still alive?" Thursday evening brought a telephone call Envy didn't want to receive though.

_Ring..._

_"Hello?" Wrath looks curiously at me as i pick up the phone. No-one ever calls us...maybe it's Izumi?_

_"Hello, N.V. please?"_

_"This is Envy, What's up 'zumi?"_

_"Envy, I...I have something important to tell you. The school, they...they cut my funding for janitorial services..." That didn't make sense, why is she telling me she had to fire her jani-oh. my. god. no._

_"No...please...Izumi there must be something...something we can do..."_

_"I'm sorry Envy...I have tried everything. They just don't see it's necessary to keep a night-janitor when I can do the clean up by myself...I've tried everything...I'm still trying to find you a job..."_

_"I...what will I do? what will Wrath and I do..."_

_"I'm sorry, Envy...I'm so sorry..."_

_"I...i understand. There was nothing more you could have done...I just don't know what I'm going to do. Bye, 'Zumi" I hang up the phone. No-one but Wrath has ever seen me cry, and he has only seen me cry when he cries, so it must shocking to him as he watches me fall to my knees, laughing as tears run down my cheeks. He runs over to me and I push him away, running to the bathroom and shutting myself it. He pounds on the door and calls after me. I ignore him, then I tell him over and over to go to bed, that I will be fine. Finally he does and I sit here, on the toilette. I'm completely alone. My mother is dead. My mother is fucking dead. My father is missing, and a prick for giving up on his son, but he was young...I understand why raising a child scared him so. It's a hard thing to do properly. Wrath's father is an evil bastard who would sooner murder a kitten then look at his child and faggot stepson. I feel my nails digging into my palms as i cry, stifling the sobs so Wrath can sleep. I have no-one. I have driven everyone to hate me so much. They fear me and revel in the thought of me bleeding until I die. No-one. I'm a freak...their all safer without me as a friend...but I'm not safe alone._

_I take the key from under the loose floorboard._

_I unlock the medicine cabinet._

_I pull out an old black film canister._

_In it are pills._

_They weren't prescribed to me._

_They are many colors. Powerful anti-depressants and pain relievers._

_I don't know what they all do. I don't know why I kept them._

_They were being kept safe for an emergency for my mother's best friend Trishia who suffered a lot of sicknesses._

_Trishia and Mom knew what pills were what._

_I don't._

_I play with the thought of them for hours. I wonder if any of them could kill me._

_I dream that I take several of them. Seven o-clock, my alarm clock goes off and I get up, forgetting to shower or change and running out the door for school. Wrath is sleeping on the couch, but I don't notice him. Something feels really surreal about the world around me today._

--

The sound of racing footsteps could be heard throughout the halls near to the library, which mostly belonged to the sophomore year. The incredible din interrupted Edward and Alphonse Elric as they sit in the library on their study-hall period. _'Funny...it's right in the middle of freshman lunch...why would people be leaving classes here?_' Alphonse mused through his readings.

"What the hell?" Ed asked as he closed his book, _Old-world Chemical Sciences_, with a snap. Alphonse looked up from his own book, _The Peaceful Warrior_.

"I don't know, it sounds like half the grade is running through the halls..." He said, standing up from his chair and walking quickly to the door with his elder brother following close behind. Sure enough, they opened the door onto several students running down the hall. Teacher's voices yelled out from the classrooms as entire classes began to empty.

"I can't make out anything that's going on!" Ed yelled over the growing noise of the pooled-up students who couldn't all make it down the stairs at the same time. A hand snapped out and quickly pulled Edward back by the shirt collar as a huge group of high schoolers almost trampled him. "Thanks Al..." He muttered to his brother's quick rescue as they pressed themselves against the wall.

"AL! ED!" A familiarly high voice called out their names. Winrey Rockbell pushed her way by force, knocking down several other students on her way over to them. In her wake ran Sheska, the freshman, who was barely keeping her glasses on her face from all the pushing and shoving.

"Winrey, what the hell?" Ed asked, as if the uproar was somehow the obnoxious blond reporter's fault.

"Sheska just told me and I had to get the rest of the Sophomores! There's something going on in the cafeteria!" She almost screamed, panting, but not as bad as Sheska who Edward guessed Winrey must have been toting around all over sophomore halls.

"Why the fuck does some freshman food-fight concern all of sophomore year?! You disrupted all the classes!" Ed yelled at her. He had kept silent for a long time about Winrey's constant meddling and was completely fed up.

"It's not a food fight you dumbfuck! It's a sophomore! Envy! He's down in the cafeteria freaking out! Everyone thinks hes on crack or something...he's trying to kill himself!" She screamed.

"It's true...he's acting really, really sporadic and yelling, crying and foaming at the mouth practically. He keeps yelling at people...Teachers cant get to the middle of the students he's surrounded by to get to him!" Sheska confirmed, shuddering silently. The look on her young face spelled out regret for having informed Winrey of this mayhem.

"Winrey you stupid...you've compounded the situation by bringing more students. One of these days you will learn that fucking gossip isn't everything. You are so ignorant!" Ed snapped, his tone cold and cutting. Winrey stared at him in silence as the crowd overtook and separated them. Edward turned to his brother and at once they both began pushing their way backwards through the masses.

"Al...you know what to do right?" The Elder brother called out as he ducked under a particularly hulking student. His tone was a little darker than usual Al noted as he nodded grimly. He knew Edward had the tougher job in this circumstance. More often then not the siblings found themselves in this situation. At some point or another something would happen and the Elric boys would have to do the tough thing in order to recover what little order their environment had. Through a rough young life, both brothers fell into their parts perfectly in the time of panic, today was no exception. With one last nod they broke away, finding the path of least resistance through the swarming students. Once into open hallway again, they both broke out into a run, Ed headed for the nearest staircase that wasn't crammed full of nosy teens and Al straight in the direction of the parking garage which opened up out onto the housing blocks.

"Be safe brother..." Al muttered under his breath as he ran full-tilt.

--

The cafeteria had become a jungle. Students filled the whole room like swarming insects, their incredible noise almost unbearable. Overturned tables were shoved unceremoniously out of the way as the riot seemed to encircle a single table in the center of the room. A table that was broken in half, surrounded four feet away at all sides by students who taunted, prodded and threw things as someone in the center of the mass. A boy with long, stringy black and green hair and pale skin. Blood contrasted stark against his white arms, pouring from wounds caused by his own bloody fingernails which he had raked across his very skin. He crouched low, glaring out of the corners over his eyes and snarling like a trapped animal.

"I fucking hate you all...scum of the earth! Putrescence festers in this hell-hole and leaves orphans to suffer the cruelties of reality. This place is HELL! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" The boy's voice cracked and strained and saliva rolled down his chin as he slurred the words. He reeled on a student who was prodding him from behind with a lunch tray. He knocked the lunch tray across the room and lashed out at the boy with a bloody fist, only to be pushed back down by a dozen others.

"Bastard is getting what he deserves!"

"Monster feeling a little caged in?" a fork bounced off Envy's head, drawing another growled curse. He spun though, dizzy from everything. He lashed out at the empty air. The words continued to chatter around him, though he only heard broken bits of their berating speech.

"Freak"

"Monster"

"Stupid"

"Heartless"

"Deserves to die..."

Envy dove at an invisible shadow as the world spun. He raked his nails threw his hair, curling into the fetal position and rocking. "Shut up, shut up...shut up...SHUT THE HELL UP! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU MOM FOR LEAVING ME ALONE!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!" He screamed, pulling at his hair desperately.

Ed saw only the crowd as he ran into the cafeteria. He could only venture that Envy was at the center of it and prayed silently that he wasn't too late. Without a second thought he began pushing his way through the students, ducking low and going under people's legs. It took several minutes before he found himself getting jostled by the thickest part of the crowd. He knew he was approaching the center as he could see the students here were getting violent and he could hear tortured screams from just ahead. He saw an open clearing and heard Envy swearing on the other side of a wall of students. Thinking quickly before he was swept away again, Edward used his prosthetic ball-joint to dead leg a teen in front of him and raced into the opening. He was met with a flying fist that caught him square in his jaw and sent him into the wall of teens. His schoolmates shoved him roughly back towards Envy, laughing the whole time. Ed finally got a clear look at the goth and gasped.

Envy was wearing the same clothes as yesterday and they were scattered and torn. He had cuts on his arms and legs, some deep and razor-sharp and some looked like they might have been from his own fingernails. His hair was straggled, falling all over with pieces missing and some sticking up everywhere. His pale skin looked even more like death now then ever, but the thing that startled Ed was Envy's eyes. They were black, his pupils were so dilated that almost no trace of the startling violet eyes that trademarked Ed's enemy were visible.

"Finally gonna face-me you little bastard!?" Envy growled. His voice was not his own.

---

Dum dum dum. This chap was simply too long as one, but I was too lazy to change ALL my titles for the next six chapter documents so I just halfed it! I got to pick a second song for the second half, too. I only proof-read twice, but I'm actually trying to catch up to within a chapter of my writing so I'm uploading pretty frequently. Yes, I am still writing regularly on this one! I have ideas to last at least six or seven chapters beyond chapter eight (which I'm drafting now) PLUS a follow-up sequal with many chapters and ANOTHER sequal after that OO you must understand, I have NEVER written this much in my life. Thanks to anyone who is getting enjoyment out of this, you make me happys.

DISCLAIMERS!: 1 D0 n07 0wNx0r Eff Emm Aeh. I simply adore it. I also don't own Cobra Starship, who wrote the song the title is named after. Please look up the lyrics of the song titles sometime! they go well with the chapter. The feel of the song always does too. My MP3player is my friend when I'm writing. I will update soon since this one's a little bit short and a little cliffy. LOVE YALL!

Reviews will be replied to! The longer the review, the more reply love you get!


	4. pt 2 Radiant Eclipse

Authors Notes!

_A VERY special note to my dear readers (Especially Yami Echo and Faerie of Darkness): Your intelligent input makes me feel like a million dollars!!! I look forward every day to hearing from you if I have updated. The real-world tedium of working in minimum-wage hell is completely tolerable when I know I can come to my escape where the world I create really matters to someone other than me and the worlds of others are all around to go away to. Sweet escapism is better shared with friends. So finally, Thank you all. If there is something I can do for you please let me know _

More notes:

Be forewarned people, I know little to nothing about the legal system or how all this would play out in it, but I really don't care. Take the story for what it is please and don't be too critical of what would really happen here.

Warnings: Violence, Prescription drug abuse (began last chapter) Swearing (if you haven't heard my characters swearing before now, though, you haven't been reading the same fic as everyone else.)

UPDATE: CHAPTER EDITED AS OF 12/21/07 - I decided after much deliberation that I would re-work chapter three part 2 since the pacing went so quickly. The former second half of this chapter will be chapter 3 pt 3 ; If this is not as good as it was before, please let me know so I can convert it back. Still, I added more detail, more explanation and made it a little more pacing and reader friendly. I appreciate your honesty in letting me know that i needed to re-think this chapter. I hope it is better this time around. I will be posting the third part along with the next chapter (so I'm not cheating you guys out of your update) within the next two days. Until then, here is the extended cut of Radiant Eclipse!

**Chapter 3 Part 2 – Radiant Eclipse**

"Envy, listen to me...your-" Ed's sentence was cut off as Envy lunged at him. He dodged and the other teen landed with a sloppy flop onto the tile. '_what the hell? Envy is...a much better fighter than this...he must be messed up really bad, and this isn't just alcohol or something simple like that...'_ Edward thought. Delayed, Envy reeled on him. The kick was badly aimed and Ed avoided it easily. Using Envy's existing momentum he grabbed the other's arm and spun him around so his back was against the upturned table. He caught Envy's other pale wrist in his firm grasp and pinned him there..

"Envy calm down, listen to me...you need to get a hold of yourself..." He said desperately. Around him a chant broke out, catching like a disease until nearly the entire student body was rhythmically repeating

"Kill him, kill him..."

'_their...their talking to me_?' Edward thought. He couldn't believe the outpouring of hatred. He turned his attention from Envy, his face distorted in disgust and anger.

"SHUT UP! FUCK YOU GUYS, SHUT THE HELL UP!" he screamed at them. He felt motion beneath him, causing him to look down. In his hands Envy was trying to writhe away, muttering and swearing to himself as tears streamed down his pain-distorted face. Edward remembered the boys broken wrist and let go quickly. Envy slid down the table into a heap. He was still shaking slightly but seemed momentarily subdued.

"SOMEBODY GO GET A FUCKING TEAC-" He was cut off again by a sudden weight throwing itself against him. Teeth gnashed near his face...Envy was clawing and _biting_ him...He instinctively brought up his right arm, allowing the other boy to sink his teeth into the hard plastic of prosthetic. Envy did just that, his eyes widened when he came in contact with surface instead of skin, but he bit down harder none the less. Ed felt his prosthetic crack but held fast, pushing his weight against Envy until he had the boy pinned against the up-turned table once more. Envy released his arm to punch at Edward's face. The blond kept him held fast by the chest this time. It wasn't hard, Envy didn't seem to have much strength like this. After a few moments the drugged teen settled for flailing and ranting.

"DAMN YOU YOU DAMN LITTLE ROACH LET ME GO!" He screamed as he struggled against the smaller boy's strong grasp. "ILL DIE BEFORE I GET TAKEN IN! I'LL DIE BEFORE I LET YOU BEAT ME!!!" A strange look came over his face and he closed his mouth. There was a sickening squelch and Ed's eyes widened as he realized Envy was trying to bite his own tongue off, a desperate form of suicide.

"oh shit..." Ed mumbled. He jerked the black-haired teen forward and slapped him hard enough to shock him a moment. "Don't Try"

SLAP

"To Fucking"

SLAP

"Kill yourself."

Envy stared at him slack-jawed, shocked at the ringing in his cheeks. Ed didn't hit him hard enough to injure, but Envy seemed to have forgotten about the ill-planned suicide attempt.

"Ed!" Someone called out. It was Al's voice. The younger of the two brothers broke through the crowd much in the same way Ed had. He stood up, something with long black hair was curled against his chest and Al himself was breathing as if he had run a mile. Both Ed and Envy looked up. They were covered in blood, their own and that of the other and the plastic of Ed's arm poked through his shirt where it had splintered. Immediately Envy turned and prepared to launch himself at Al, presuming the boy to be a new assailant, but a familiar voice caught him in his tracks

"Brother! Bro-bro stop!!" It cried through a face full of tears. Wrath wrung himself free of Al's arms to race to his elder brother. He embraced Envy fearlessly. "Please stop now...please...Envy I need you..." Envy stood for several moments before collapsing to his knees as Wrath wrapped around him. He began gasping for breath as tears rolled down his androgynous face.

"W...wrath...what have I done...what...the fuck have I done..." He choked. Al stepped forward as a hush grew over the cafeteria. All the anger had gone from Envy, he sat crumpled as Wrath cried into his chest. He looked blankly at the two brothers and mumbled an inaudible 'why?'

Al reached forward and collected Wrath and Ed crouched next to Envy.

"Envy, listen to me...I'm going to pick you up...I don't know where you are injured, so we just need to be careful 'till we get you to the school hospital...okay?" He said softly. Envy simply stared at him with complete incomprehension, but the golden haired teen took this as an affirmative response and hooked his flesh arm under the other boy's legs. He lifted Envy's arm over his shoulder and picked him up as he stood. He and Al turned towards the crowd and stepped forward, expecting them to part.

"You don't think we're just gonna let this opportunity pass us up do you?" One student asked, crossing his arms and standing defiantly in front of Edward.

"What are you doing?! We need to get him to the hospital...he's lost a lot of blood!" Edward yelled, utterly confused by the group of teens who purposely blocked their exit. He was a brutish looking kid, probably a wanna-be hardcore with rich parents and no life.

"Please understand...That creature in your arms has tormented all the students here for so long...everyone is so afraid to make a move without finding out if it's okay with Envy. If we beat him down now he'll never hurt us-" The second was a girl, she looked plain, like the girl-next door.

"Are you fucking retarded!?" Edward snapped at the girl who seemed almost pleading to attack the defenseless Envy. "He's injured and tripped out! He's done some messed up shit but you could kill him if you attacked him right now."

"That's the point.." Was his reply from yet another student. "With the riot like this, teachers can't get in...it would be easy and quick and all our troubles will be over...you wouldn't get in any trouble.."

"We wont hurt either of you brave boys if you give us Envy now..." It was like some sick nightmare. With every word the average-turned-violent students got closer and closer to Ed, and the barely conscious Envy in his arms. They started to reach out and try and snatch the unusual teen from him. Alphonse was getting a similar attack from the other side, as if harming Wrath would help get rid of Envy. The brothers found themselves balancing on the overturned table-half and standing back to back.

"Shit, Al...How do we always manage to end up in situations like this?" Ed asked, a weak smile playing at his lips. Al laughed nervously.

"Elric..." Envy's weak voice spoke into Ed's ear. "I know I shouldn't ask _you_ any favors, and I probably deserve what they want to give me...but please don't let them take me...they _will_ kill me..." He rasped. Ed felt the boy go completely limp. Apparently coming down off of whatever Envy was on caused him to pass out. Ed felt a hand grab his pant leg and tear a piece away from the material. He kicked out and felt the heel of his shoe catch the assailant in the forehead. A thrown lunch tray caught Al in the leg from behind and sent him tumbling into the crowd. He curled automatically around Wrath. Students swarmed around him, their attitude had gone beyond just trying to get Envy away from them. There was a bloodlust in the air that could quickly turn this group of once-civil students into an all-out violent Mob. They punched and kicked at Al, trying to get to Wrath and not really caring who got hurt in the proscess.

"Stoppit! Leave Al alone!" Ed screamed, desperately trying to kick them off of his little brother with his feet while keeping his balance on the table. Someone's hand wrapped around his ankle and he slid, sitting on the side of the table as they tried to pull him down further. He felt fists and nails beat his flesh leg. 'I'm losing...Their going to take all three of us...' he thought. Everything was surreal for a moment as Ed felt himself failing.

"**ENOUGH**!" A voice like a whip silenced the room over the loud speaker. All students stopped moving (Except Alphonse who quickly took advantage of the shocked room to re-gain his footing and his defense of Wrath). Slowly the crowd parted from one edge inward. Students were thrown unceremoniously but without injury out of the way of one Izumi Curtis. Finally she made her way to the center. In one hand was a small portable transmitter that belonged to the office. It made her voice echo throughout the room as she had it turned to top volume. "MOVE AWAY AND I WONT HAVE TO PUNISH YOU ALL! GIVE THEM ROOM TO WALK THROUGH!" She yelled. When all she received was stunned silence she barked "**NOW!" **over the speaker once more.

Teenagers scrambled to get out of the way. Izumi peeled Wrath off of Alphonse and held the little boy close to her. She turned and beckoned the boys to follow. When they were finally clear of the cafeteria she looked back at Envy who was still hanging lifeless in Ed's arms.

"He alive?" She asked darkly. Ed looked down at the unconscious boy, fully aware of the blood that soaked them both. He nodded at Izumi.

"I don't know how bad off he is." He said. Al stared at them both silently.

"We need to get him to the school infirmary. Alphonse, Wrath, are you injured?" She demanded. Wrath shook his head, burying it into Izumi's chest.

"I'm okay...a little bruised but nothing major." Al responded, venturing a small smile to let them know he was fine. Ed shot him a concerned look, but it was dismissed with a wave of his hand. Izumi stopped and turned to Ed once more.

"Can you carry him far?" She asked, her tone stating that she wanted and honest answer and not a 'tough guy' response. "He's bigger than you..."

"He's taller but a lot thinner, I have him Mrs. Curtis." He said.

"Good. I have to take Al and Wrath with me...we need to take care of some legal matters BEFORE this reaches too far up, so I need you to take him to the hospital wing alone. Tell nurse Clara that Izumi sent you. Give her this, she will know what it means..." She reached into her pocket with her Wrath-free hand and pulled out a small note card with the image of a snake wrapped around a cross drawn on it. She stuck it in Ed's pocket so he wouldn't have to try and carry it in his hand. "I also need you to state in writing that neither of you press charges against one another about the fight, understand?" Ed nodded grimly. "I will be there to collect you both in exactly three hours. Get ready to be at your wit's best. This is going to court." She nodded towards Wrath in her arms. A court case, and they were all witnesses. With everything said, the blond teen and the dreadlocked woman parted silently, Ed breaking out into the best run he could manage with the awkwardness of carrying Envy around.

"You better not die after all this trouble you bastard." He muttered.

--

Nurse Clara was a beautiful woman. Busty and blond, most of the male student-body had a huge crush on her. The few times Ed had been in to the hospital he _had_ noticed one unusual thing about her. She didn't seem like she was really supposed to be a nurse. Granted, the woman was a doctor, not a nurse. She only kept the title "nurse" Clara because she liked the sound of it. Still, she seemed more like someone who was doing a very good job of playing the part.

"I need to see Nurse Clara." Edward demanded of the front desk assistant. She stared at him a moment, shocked at his sudden bursting through the doors.. She looked him up and down at an irritatingly slow pace. It seemed to dawn on her that the boy in his arms was injured and bleeding.

"Nurse Clara is busy with paperwork at the moment...Dr Marco could-" She began.

"It has to be Clara. Direct demands from Izumi Curtis!" Ed interrupted her at a shout. She looked at him a little taken aback and was about to deny him again when she was cut off by the office door opening behind her. A beautiful female doctor stepped into the room. Her hair was shoulder-length and blond, and she had a smile that was too well-rehearsed to be real. Nurse Clara placed a graceful hand on the assistant's shoulder and gave the woman a sugary smile.

"If they are Izumi's then I need to take them directly. Please don't turn away any patients asking for me anymore. You know I would much rather do the field work than the paper work." She asked politely.

"Please nurse Clara...He's um..." Ed wasn't sure what he should and shouldn't say in front of others. Getting the hint, Clara opened a door for him and beckoned him to follow. They walked at a quick pace, far into a back most emergency room. As soon as they were inside Edward raced forward to place Envy on the bed while Clara closed the door with a snap. Before she could speak Ed pulled the card out of his pocket and shoved it into her hands.

"Izumi said to give that to you, she said you would know what it means." He said hastily. Clara studied the card for a moment.

"I suppose she was right." Clara said. The enigmatic, care-free smile she always wore was gone. Sugary-sweet nurse Clara was nowhere to be found in the womans face. "So it's that important to Izumi huh? She couldn't have given me more direct instructions? She was always like that...so vague. She thinks I'm psychic." She spoke to herself. In a moment she was next to Envy, gently removing Edward from his tight grasp on the other boy's hand.

"What's your name..." She asked Ed seriously. Her manor was different.

"Edward Elric." He replied slowly.

"Edward, please remove your shirt and pants, check your injuries and tell me what you find. I can tell nothing on _you_ is broken so I'm going to attend to mister..."

"Envy." Ed finished for her, unbuttoning his blood-soaked shirt.

"Envy first. But if Izumi is this desperate then there is a time limit involved so I need you to sort of treat yourself." She said.

"Three hours Izumi said and no problem. Gauze and bandages in this drawer?"

"The bottom one." She spoke to him, all the while removing Envy's tattered clothing and inspecting him quickly but thoroughly. There wasn't time to start an IV or anything...field-medics would have to serve. She pulled Envy's eyelids up and shined a light in them. She sighed, apparently worried at what she found "Do you know what kind of drugs he took?"

"No clue, he was like that when I got to him." Ed said, removng his shirt and pants as instructed. Normally, Ed would have fought his damnedest not to have to show his prosthetics, but at this point there were way more important things than vanity. He started to tend to the few scrapes he had gotten from the mad students in th cafeteria.

"Pain...killers...anxiety stuff...something for can...ca..ner..patients... I don't know...what else..." Envy rasped finally. His eyes flitted open and shut and his breathing was heavy. "I...is Wrath okay? Ed?" He asked after a moment of struggling to stay conscious. He would have jumped up to find out if it didn't feel like every muscle in his body was rebelling against his brain. The world was slowly spinning and everything felt about three feet too deep.

"You probably can't move. Were you trying to kill yourself?" Clara asked honestly, filling a syringe and testing it before plunging it into Envy's arm. He fought again for the strength to speak.

"No...I was...stressed. I was...trying to escape it all. Thought that maybe I would just fall into some dream...I don't think I was even awake when I took them...God my head hurts like a mother fucker..." He said, wincing as feeling began to return to his muscles. Clara was busy at putting his broken wrist into yet another new splint. He glanced over at Ed, and a confused look flitted over his features before he closed his eyes again. Nothing that happened made much sense to him right now.

"I remember you coming in months ago about this wrist...You saw Marco though." She told him. Ed guessed she was trying to keep him conscious as she kept up a leisurely conversation.

"Yeah...Marco...My wrist." He confirmed. He could hear himself sounding strange, but could do nothing to stop it.

"You doing okay back there Edward?" Clara asked calmly, standing to walk by Ed and grab some gauze and bandages from the cabinet, as well as a brown bottle and come cotton. She sat Envy up.

"I'm fine..." Ed said finally. "I'll leave you to it..." He cast Envy one last glance before returning to the lobby.

"W..was he okay...I didn't hurt anyone did I?" Envy said slowly. When he was able to move his muscles again, he put is head in his hands. Clara pulled one of his battered arms away from his face, holding it out and dousing it in peroxide.

"Just yourself..." She sighed. Envy looked at her, his eyes full of sympathy.

"I'm pretty fucked up sometimes..." He said, looking back at his lap.

"I was there once too, kid. Right where you are...I know how rough it can get. Whatever you feel, your worth more than...than this." She motioned to his arm, which was mostly covered in white gauze now. Envy couldn't bring himself to respond.

--

It had been two hours, and Envy was fully treated as he could get without days of recovery. Izumi had shown up and called Clara away. The door opened again, catching Envy's attention as he sat on the side of the bed. He half expected Izumi's return, or maybe even Wrath, but it was Edward. He was so sure that the boy had left once he didn't have to be there. Slowly the blond crossed the room, catching Envy's eyes as he went. He smiled a little to see that they had returned to their all-too familiar violet and were no longer dilated beyond recognition. He pulled a paper out of his pocket and handed it to Envy. The bottom was already signed "E.Elric" A glance over the wording proved it was a document stating that neither party pressed assault charges about the morning's fight. Envy signed it and handed it back without a word. Equally silent, Ed replaced it on Clara's desk with the rest of her report and walked back over. Envy jumped when the bed next to him sank. Edward was sitting next to him now. He glanced up to find the other studying his face. Worry etched Envy's features, taking away some of the mysterious grace that surrounded the teen and making him look much more human. Edward suddenly remembered something Clara had said a few moments ago.

'getting food or liquid in your system will make the drugs fade faster.' She had said when she was stepping out the door to talk to Izumi. Ed stood. The scrubs he borrowed from the doctor closet were long-sleeved and only his hand and foot could be seen of his prosthetics. He dug around in his backpack which he had chucked onto floor after bringing Envy in. He pulled something out and sat back down, all the while Envy stared at the tile, trying to collect his scattered thoughts. The pale-skinned boy was interrupted by a prosthetic hand shoving a nutrition bar in front of his nose. He followed the arm up to gaze at Ed.

"huh?" He asked dumbly.

"Eat it. You need to eat so you can be at your best for court. They are going to make us fight to keep your brother." Ed muttered through his own nutrition bar.

"I...but I can't...it...you..." Envy sputtered. No-one had really offered him anything without expecting something in return in a long time.

"It's not poison. God Envy...Did I ever say that _I _hated _you_?" Ed said, glaring at him through golden eyes. Slowly and carefully Envy took the food. He opened it and began eating, suddenly far more hungry than he thought. It didn't taste good, but somehow his boy knew he needed it badly.

"Why did you help me?" Envy asked when he had finished. The question had been itching on his mind since he had woken. His answer was interrupted by the door being thrown open once more and Izumi stepping in. She stopped in front of the two boys an intimidating sight dressed to the nines in all out formals. She had a black pencil skirt that stopped at her knees, dark maroon pantyhose and heeled shoes that clicked against the tile. She wore a perfectly fitted black and maroon blazer and a deep maroon tie over a black shirt. Behind her Clara was dressed in a similarly formal white suit. Alphonse and Wrath filed in behind them, both wearing button-ups and ties. Edward recognized Al's as the one they had worn to their mother's yearly memorial service last year.

"Listen very carefully." Izumi's voice was demanding, but it held an air of sympathy that caused them all to feel momentarily guilty. "They wanted to take this to state court, where CPS would take Wrath and you, Envy, would never have any contact with him again. He would be considered an abuse and neglect case and left to float in the foster-care system or a boarding school, wherever they could shuffle him off to. I don't plan on letting this happen, though." She said."You should all know right now that I am on your side. You can and must all trust me, and Clara, and no-one else. For the next several hours they are going to test you at ever possible corner. Fortunately for you, we are only facing the school court. Most students don't know or don't care that this school has it's own judicial court fully capable of handing out anything a state court can. The people on the court are lazy and hand school cases to the state whenever possible, but at the risk of my own job I secured us a case here. They are much more likely to be lenient here at the school than the state, but that doesn't mean we are guaranteed a win. We need to get on the same page. First and most important..." She looked at the group before her. Edward and Alphonse, Envy and Wrath (who now sat on his brother's lap) and Clara, who gave her a knowing look.

She took a deep breath. "Any of you who don't want to be involved, walk out that door right now and pretend that you never _ever_ saw anything." She nodded to the door. When no-one moved she smiled. "That settled, you should know why you can trust us." She said this pointedly to Edward and Envy, who she knew had a lot of difficulty trusting adults with anything.

"Izumi and I...we used to be part of the same gang. We were both involved way over our heads in our own deal of trouble." Clara began, crossing her arms in front of her stomach.

"Clara did mostly medical treatment, misusing her incomplete nursing degree to treat gunshot wounds and other gang-related injuries." Izumi explained.

"And Izumi was a fighter. She was the best, everyone was afraid of her." Clara said as a smile played at her lips.

"And as I remember, you were also a petty thief." Izumi pointed out. Clara sobered.

"The point is...we aren't just adults...we know a lot about being in your situation. Living without parents, growing up before your even grown. We don't want you to get hurt as badly...as we did." She said, sighing as Izumi nodded.

"So let's get the story ready for the judges." Izumi barked.

"Yes Ma'am." Envy replied automatically, snapping out of his trance.

"What is it you want? What are you looking to get out of this." She asked.

"I um...I want to be able to raise Wrath and let him out in the sun without CPS breathing down my neck. I want..to be normal..."

"Well, I think the first is possible, but the second one...Envy you couldn't be normal if you wanted to." She said. Wrath uttered a small 'ouch', drawing a chuckle out of Al. "The best of us aren't normal though. Now, to lead a normal life is a more honorable goal. Let's aim for that. Edward!"

"Yes!" Ed shot up this time as if he had just been called by a drill sergeant.

"You in for this? You need to let go of any grudges you hold against Envy if you want to see a brotherhood saved like you claim."

"I don't hold any grudges." Ed said plainly. Envy looked at him with surprise in his eyes. He wondered silently how Ed could let go of the things he had done so easily.

"Good. You and Al will have to testify for Envy's character...I need you to tell the courts that he is a depressive. We are going to get off on a plea of insanity..."

"What?" Envy gasped. He knew for sure that insanity would mean he defiantly wouldn't get Wrath.

"Do you trust me?" Izumi glared at him. Slowly Envy nodded. He wasn't sure if he really trusted _anyone_ but the odds were good so far...none of these people had done him wrong. Even if it was just for the time being, they might not hurt him right now. However, he reminded himself, as soon as this was all over they would probably want nothing to do with him.

They discussed the details of the courtroom behavior for several more minutes. Envy was given a green button-up shirt of a shiny satin material and black tie as well as black slacks to wear. Knowing he would be resistant to wearing a suit Izumi had opted for putting this little look for him. After several moments in a mirror Envy had admitted to the look being "Effing hot." Meanwhile, his wild hair had been rinsed of all product and pulled into a low ponytail on the back of his neck. He looked respectable, which was saying a lot. Ed too, was put into a formal outfit.

"One last thing. I'm sorry Envy...but I have to let them refer to you both by your real names in session." Izumi said. Envy sighed...this was going to be a long night.

--

Author's Post-notes:

Love you guys! The courtroom part will be posted as Chapter 3 pt 3 along with Chapter 4 when it is ready. Thanks for the feedback and for being so patient with me.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. I don't own California, the legal system, Avenged sevenfold or the song they sang. If I did though...I would mix them all together to make one awesome anime california legal alchemy rock happy fun concert!


	5. pt 3 Honestly Okay

Author's Notes!

PLEASE READ: If you haven't yet, go back and re-read the chapter before this one. It is the second part of chapter three (this is the third part ;P ). It has been extended and edited! This is the remaining portion that wasn't included in pt 2. My reasoning? You guys were absolutely right. The chapter needed a little more meat and not to be so fast paced. I hope it's better this time!

As per this chapter, yes, it's incredibly short, but when dropped onto the end of the previous chapter it made it far too long and confusing.

Warnings: Actually, there isn't much to warn about. This chapter doesn't contain much swearing, violence, angst or suggestive anything! Maybe it's boring now XD It's courtroom drama maybe? Lol! Oh, I don't know much about the legal system. I blame the lazy judge, who is noticeably lazy now!

**Chapter 3 pt 3 - Honestly Okay (Safe in my own skin?)**

The courtroom seemed like a circus, everyone was putting on an act. First there was Izumi, acting as defendant lawyer and playing the part of the ruthless but sympathetic (to her client) legal shark. There was Nurse Clara, presenting her perfectly falsified testimony and documents and flawlessly performing her role. There was Envy, presentable for once, acting as the young and downtrodden depressive without guidance or control over his actions. There was the Elric brothers, endlessly unified, showing the front of concerned acquaintances. The other students didn't even know they fell into their respective places as the selected witnesses described Envy's strange behavior. Envy watched from his seat as the battle waged. Someone objected to something he didn't quite catch. It was hard to keep his mind on subject right now. He guessed it was the chemicals remaining in his system, and the ones he had been given to take care of those ones. And the ones he had for the pain. He blinked hard to rid the sleepiness from his eyes and tried to look alert.

"Overruled!" The judge said loudly. It made Envy jump, and in the witness stand next to him Alphonse gave him a concerned look.

"Thank you sir." Izumi said curtly. She continued. "I would like to bring to the courts attention Exhibit B, a medical record of a one Nathan Victor Douglass. In that record it states his prescription to a powerful anti-depressant to treat clinical Manic-depression and Bi-polar disorder as well as some milder Schizophrenia." She stated. They turned the page on the record. "The next article is the medical notes from today by one Doctor Clara's diagnoses. There was a total absence of any sort of anti-depressants or medications pertaining to his illnesses." She said, not once did her expression betray that that was a total lie. Envy watched her stand stock still before the judge, who was a stern but lazy looking man. He leaned back a little, studying her. It was obvious that Izumi held a certain power of presence, not only over students, but everyone she came into contact with. Clara was called to step fourth and swear the validity of the documents.

"He was off his prescribed medication when said destruction of school property and endangerment of peers occurred." She stated. The judges nodded at each other. Fortunately for Envy's case, the court didn't see fit to question the doctor's work for bias. Clara showed absolutely no signs of knowing Izumi or any of the boys when she explained her half of the story. She was a perfect actress. Next it was time for student testimonies. There had been a great many volunteers. They went through several witnesses who explained over and over Envy's erratic behavior and frantic appearance. Luckily the way they spoke all the signs pointed towards Envy being off medication he was supposed to have, instead of being on meds he wasn't supposed to be on. Several students claimed to have been attacked by Envy on his breakdown. Envy himself was called up to testify.

"Mr. Douglass, In your own words, describe what you remember of the incident in the lunch room." The judge said. He sounded very bored and quite simply ready to go home. Envy took a deep breath, letting it seep into his tired muscles and sore skin. 'Just tell it like Izumi said...' he reminded himself.

"I..." He paused on purpose, steadying himself as if he were very insecure about the circumstance. "I don't really...remember being in control of myself. I woke up feeling like everything was...surreal. And I felt as if everything around me had little or no value what so ever, including myself. I came to school in a daze. When I got there, several of my peers called out to me. I don't really remember what they said, but whatever it was it brought about a bought of depression. I hid in one of the bathrooms and sat for a long time without moving a lot. I injured myself, trying to bring myself out of it, but I didn't accomplish it. I wandered into the cafeteria. I didn't really know what time it was, I thought it was sophomore lunch."He explained. When he received no questions, he continued. "When I got there, someone noticed I was bleeding, pointed it out. Someone asked me what I was doing there, and I couldn't answer. I tried to get in line for food, but some of the freshmen students became aggressive. One shoved me into a table, he said something about a rumor that I was harassing a freshman girl, and then climbed up after me. He was going to punch me I think, but the table broke. Students surrounded me, and I panicked. I had an anxiety attack, I couldn't think, or breath. I don't remember much after that, except for being panicked, being hit by a lunch tray and being shoved around a lot, and then Mrs. Curtis breaking up the fight." He said. The judge seemed to perk up a little at the ending of the speech. Envy wondered if he had been sleeping with his eyes open.

"And did you not get into a fistfight with one Edward Elric?" The judge asked after looking over a written document, probably containing the outline of the case.

"Yes your honor." Envy said. He waited as Edward was called up to sit across from him.

"Mr. Elric, how did you come upon Mr. Douglass?" He asked. Edward fidgeted with his prosthetic hand under it's glove, obviously nervous around so many adults.

"I came down to the cafeteria with most of the other sophomores when the disturbance made them all leave their classes. I was in study hall period at the time, reading in the library. I got downstairs and heard the rumor that Env- I mean, Nathan was having an all out breakdown. I fought my way through the crowd to come to his..em...aide." He said, coughing a little. He hoped his slip-up didn't cause the case any damage. Thankfully the judge didn't seem to notice.

"Did Mr. Douglass attack you at that point?"

"Nathan was...still in a panicked state. I don't think he was in his mind, he was not acting like I had seen him before. He didn't seem to understand what was going on in his environment and he was not self-aware." Edward replied. That part wasn't a lie at all. It was quite the truth. "I believe you will find in the document package I gave you, Nathan and I mutually agreed not to press charges on any injuries gained during the fight between us."

Alphonse was next to testify, as more of a character reference than anything. He was forced to speak about Envy's brother. He explained what he had learned about their family. Envy and Wrath both confirmed his stories, adding in a small sob story about the traumatic experience of losing their mother and the fact that through their grief they did not want to be separated. The act was made better by Wrath beginning to cry in the middle of the session, forcing them into a short recess while he was calmed down.

There were more testimonies, mostly addressing Wrath's life and Envy's mental state. After three more hours and another short recess, everyone filed back into their spots for the ruling. The judge sat down, sighing slowly.

"We have reached a ruling" He drawled. "Nathan Victor Douglass will not be charged for destruction of school property or intentional harm of any of his peers due to lack of proper medication for his disorder and provocation by said peers. Nathan will be required to undergo monitoring to assure he is picking up his prescriptions and refills on time. In the case of the younger brother, we cannot legally grant requested custody to a minor no matter what circumstances are presented. Bradly II will be assigned a foster family. Nathan will not get visitation rights unless the foster family grants them to him with a full knowledge of his medical history. Court adjour-"

"Objection! Your honor, I move to grant adoption to a specific foster family party." It was Nurse Clara who had stood up and interrupted the sentencing. Everyone stared at her. Tears were beginning to well up in Envy's eyes and Wrath was already crying. Envy shook his head. What did that crazy bitch think she could do? She hadn't objected to the sentence even...all she wanted to do was tell them where to shove Wrath...He was about to open his mouth to yell at her when he felt the firm grip of a plastic hand on his shoulder. Edward shook his head and whispered

"Trust them, remember?"

"Your honor, I would like to appoint a one Mr and Mrs Curtis, who are fully certified foster care parents without children in their home as of three weeks ago when their last foster child was able to move out on her own. They have a clean record and a good environment."

"Doctor Clara, this is hardly the place and you are hardly in a position to suggest such things." The judge said gruffly.

"This is simply a plea as an acquaintance of most of the staff here that suggests that my co-worker Izumi might do well raising this particular child who I have had the pleasure of meeting and personally evaluating in my own way." She pleaded, acting the part so well Edward actually began to assume that she really could be the incredibly sympathetic and kind nurse that she played and not the cold, sly woman he had met in the infirmary when he brought Envy in this morning. There was another five minute recess, the judges deliberated while Ed stepped out for a moment. When he returned, he slipped another nutrition bar into Envy's pocket as he walked by. Shocked by the sudden sensation of something falling into his pocket, Envy almost yelped, spinning around on a snickering Edward. Gratefully, the boy who named himself after a sin ate the gift before court came back into session.

"Custody of Bradly II is granted to Izumi Curtis and her husband as part of the foster-care network. Visitation rights are to be decided between her and Nathan himself, who will continue to live on the campus and retain the right to leave the school grounds freely _provided_ he is from this point forward kept on his medication. He will be subject to regular inspection of his prescription refills and will be required to visit the school counselor periodically to avoid future outbursts. Court adjourned." The gavel fell on the table and the judge seemed all too happy to let the case go under those lines. He had found out that it meant a lot less paperwork for him if he took care of the foster-care situation now instead of waiting for the state to work it out. Everyone moved at once, leaving through different doors in the room. Several people cheered, many student witnesses shouted boo's and cat-calls from the stands. They were threatened with charges of unruly behavior and were promptly escorted out of the courtroom. Several minutes afterward, Envy let go of his sobbing younger brother. He wasn't sure exactly what would happen now, but he knew he could trust Izumi, even if it came down to allowing her to take over caring for Wrath. He rose slowly and let the dark haired woman lead Wrath away by the hand. She gave him a curt nod.

"Meet me outside the school in twenty minutes, I will explain how this is going to work, alright? Please trust me. And...thank Edward. He stuck his neck out there you know. You know all too well how vicious the other students will be with him now, but if it weren't for his and Alphonse's testimony yo-" She began.

"I know." Envy said, a half-smile on his face. He stood and stretched, his whole body sore from the entire ordeal. Pieces of gauze stuck to his silky shirt as he stepped out into the hall. Several people still mulled around, discussing ethics and the case's conclusion. Several actually were laughing about how their position on the court had been somewhat of a joke before today. Still, none of them mattered. Envy was stalking a particular prey. He spotted his quarry, standing alone drinking a paper cup of water.

"Thank you..." He muttered before wrapping his arms around Edward's previously oblivious form. "You didn't have to save us..."

"Yeah I did. If that were me and Al I would want someone to do the same thing for me." Ed said, patting Envy gently on the back with his flesh hand.

--

_I still can't believe everything that happened today...it seems like a weeks worth of events just happened in one day. Izumi has custody of Wrath and I'm legal to be here now...she's going to let me continue to care for Wrath and I don't have to work anymore because social security is going to pay for her to care for Wrath and she's going to give the money to me. It's even more money than my paychecks were so I can get Wrath some descent things. I stare at my now bare feet. I'm still wearing the slacks from court but I long since lost the tie and unbuttoned the shirt. I pull the band out of my hair and laugh to myself. It's funny...I'm sitting in front of the campus chapel. I went into this weird-ass building they call a church to light a candle to thank whatever God or Goddess sent those Elric brats to save my ass today. I've never been here before. But I asked once for some help...and for all I know thats what I just got...we are in such a better place now. _

_I stare at the sky as the sun sets and clouds gather. It's going to rain on me but I don't mind. It reminds me I'm alive. I'm not really going on meds. Izumi knows what they do to me. She did make me promise something though. She told me she would take Wrath away if I didn't start taking care of myself. She thinks that a lot of my manic-depression and bipolar nature is irritated when I don't sleep and don't eat. Guess that kills my crash diet. She told me that I had to promise to eat two if not three full meals every day. I swear I'm going to get fat eating that much, but I guess I don't have any choice. She told me she would come over every day and ask Wrath if I had been eating. She can also monitor my eating the lunchroom. I guess it's for the better. The rain begins to fall down, and I'm glad it's a warm rain. It only sprinkles but it feels good. This morning I couldn't control myself and it frightened me more than anything. In a state like that...I could have hurt anyone...Wrath too._

_One thing still makes me wonder...Why did the Elric boys help me? It couldn't have been straight up sympathy, I have given them every reason to hate me. More reasons than I gave most people...still, he fought through all those people who wanted to kill me just to try and get me to stop hurting myself...I really just don't get it. I sigh as I get to my feet. I glance back at the church, my candle is still burning back there, a little thank-you. I don't know who it's to, because I don't know if I believe in God. Still, it seemed like the right thing to do. I walk home in the rain, admiring the look of the sky like this for the first time in a long, long time._

_--_

POST NOTES! 

Well? Was it better as two parts with extended descriptions and explanations? I uploaded the next chapter too, so I'm not cheating you guys out of an update. Please review if you aren't doing so already and I will reply If I didn't reply to you this last time guys it's because I was trying really hard to incorporate your ideas and suggestions into the story instead (and prep an update lol. I'm working two jobs right now, and I haven't had a day off in two weeks but I'm doing my best)

I knew if I didn't edit this part now I would never get around to it.

Disclaimer:Don't. Own. You are dense or you just don't read properly if you don't know that by now. I own nothing, no FMA, no song by DIDO for the title, nothing. I'm so lame XD

Next Chapter: **Chapter 4 (I ain't no) New sensation (But I'm better than I've ever been)**

Sympathy, forgiveness, familiarity...words with no meaning, foreign concepts from long ago. After a tough recovery process, can Envy bear returning to school? Can he handle the new attitude he receives from the Elric boys and their not-quite-friends?

"_Um..." Envy interrupted._

"_Yeah?" Ed replied, fixing him with a golden stare._

"_Why are you sitting here?"_


	6. New Sensation

Author's Notes!

Here we are, Chapter four. Don't have much to say, taking the drama down for a couple chapters.

Warnings: Not much to warn about, this chapter is somewhat mild.

PS: the next chapter will be up tomarow. I need to re-edit it.

**Chapter 4 – (I ain't no) New Sensation (But I'm better than I've ever been)**

The weekend passed by fairly peacefully. Envy spent the proceeding weeks recovering, resting and keeping calm to heal deep lacerations, a once-more broken wrist and a minor concussion as well as his system trying to rid itself of the heavy medication he had taken during his breakdown. The weather was beginning to cool considerably by the time he was ready to start school. He would begin in the middle of the second week after the court battle that had left Izumi with custody of Wrath and Envy a free man.

"It all seems like some hazy dream...everything, the last two years even..." Envy muttered to himself as he looked out the window next to his bed. Dawn was creeping across the housing area of the school, casting a pink glow on the white buildings. Envy turned to glance at the child who was still sleeping where he had been curled against Envy. His little brother seemed to escape fairly unscathed and unphased except to be slightly more clingy since his brush with separation from Envy. The lithe teen reached a careful hand out and ran it through his brother's raven hair. With a long slow sigh he rose to his feet.

Envy didn't want the dream to end. He thought about it as he padded into the bathroom. He had been happy for the first time in a long time, as much pain as he was in. They could both breath easier, and free of the constraints of school he had lived a simple calm several days. He quickly undid his bandages and wrist splint and climbed into the shower, turning the water all the way hot and leaving it there. It stung his cuts, the cuts he had carved into himself, that he didn't even remember doing. Something had broken in Envy that day...he had let everything out without thinking, and the outpouring nearly killed him. He was lucky to be alive.

"I wonder if I'll still feel that way..." He muttered as he dried off and stepped out to get dressed. Wrath was still sleeping, as Envy guessed the boy would for most of the day. He opened the front door a moment, sticking his uninjured hand out to feel the temperature. With a shudder he closed the door. The autumn wind was nippy. Envy knew the season of short-shorts and crop tops was now over. Instead, he opted for a faded pair of extremely tight blue-jeans with home-made rips in them. For his top half he chose a skintight long-sleeve shirt. It was black with an asian-style collar and gold ribbon on the edges. The sleeves flared enough to make the splint on his right arm still comfortable and fell to Envy's fingertips. Despite the silky material it was quite warm when one was used to having almost all skin uncovered. He combed his hair, blow-drying and straightening it but not styling it into it's usual spiked look. He struck a couple poses in the mirror, making sure everything was in place before grabbing his backpack.

"Wrath, I'm going to school...there is leftovers from last night, cereal or PB and J in the kitchen for your lunch...I'll be home later okay?" Envy called out. There was a muffled noise from the bed confirming that the little brother had heard. "Don't forget to do your schoolwork." Envy reminded before stepping out the door. He knew he didn't need to remind Wrath, who had never once missed an assignment. He took in a deep breath of brisk air. It was like the few moments before a deep dive, both frightening and refreshing.

-

There was nearly an audible gasp when a familiar dark-haired teen walked through the halls of the school. Whispers flew around him like a wind that never stopped it's incessant stalking. The resident fear of his presence still permeated the school, but now it seemed everyone was more afraid of Envy losing his mind and having another freak-out and not simply that he might beat someone up. He closed his locker and looked up at some freshmen who were shuffling around a corner, peaking and giggling as they tried to push each other closer to the 'scary sophomore who spazzed out at lunch'. As soon as his violet gaze landed on them they scattered like ants. Envy sighed...'did I really enjoy doing this once?' he asked himself seriously.

It was true, he noted, that he felt much different. Mrs. Izumi had put him on a very strict program that involved eating a full meal a minimum of twice a day and at least two snacks preferably of a nutritional kind. He also had to get at least eight hours sleep every night to matter what. Much as he hated to admit it, the constant sting of tiredness, and the distracting pain of hunger as well as an edginess he was certain was a personality problem were all gone. He knew that sooner or later the depression would attack again, but it felt very much like it was something he could deal with logically. In fact, even the lessons in class stuck better.

'I wonder if this is what it's like to be sane...' he mused.

-

A slight hush fell over the cafeteria as Envy entered, a few minutes late because he simply didn't want to deal with the crowd. People nearby watched him with wary eyes and he did his best to ignore them. Several students tried to get out of the lunch line to allow him first pick, but he simply stood where the end of the line had been, waiting until they moved back into their usual spots before he stepped forward. It was painful trying to rebuild your life. Envy guessed it would be rough, no-one would probably trust him for the rest of his school life, but at least he was trying. He had to, or risk losing what was most precious to him.

"Morning Envy!" A familiar voice said brightly. Envy looked positively shocked. It was Izumi, and she was being...sunny?

"Um...morning 'zumi..." He mumbled, at a loss for words at her bright smile.

"Here...your going to eat some of this...and this...and this I made myself..." She said, her grin now turning almost wicked as she piled his plate with a full serving of everything the cafeteria had.

"Trying to fatten me up o' dear wicked witch?" Envy asked. A ladle to the side of his head was what he received in return. "Right. Thanks 'zumi...I promise to eat everything I can..." He said quickly, moving on before the stares he was receiving managed to burn him to a cinder. Or before Izumi hit him with something more dangerous than a plastic ladle. One or the other.

After another trek across the cafeteria Envy had retreated to his normal seat. He looked up and realized Izumi could see his every move. Great, now she would know for sure if he didn't eat. Slowly he picked at his ham-steak, finally he stabbed it onto his fork all at once and took a large bite out of the side. He opened his eyes to gaze at the table two empty ones in front of him. Edward Elric was there, Alphonse too, and Roy and Riza. They were laughing. Al looked up for a moment, catching Envy's gaze. Envy nodded at him with a small, honest smile, before casting his eyes downward to his overly-full plate.

In the time Envy was recovering, Alphonse had come over a couple of times to say hello or play with Wrath, who had taken quite a liking to him. Envy liked to see that Wrath was able to trust others and actually be friends with them. He was glad Alphonse didn't judge Wrath or him on their lifestyle or ask tough awkward questions like 'where are your parents' 'why does your big brother act (or dress) like he does'. Most people would judge Envy as a suicidal gay teen and Wrath as a neglected child in need of a stable environment. Al never seemed to look at them this way. He simply accepted. Envy guessed that just must be the younger Elric's way. For some reason, he couldn't see Al holding anything against anyone, always the kind to forgive. 'I almost wish I had the courage...to ask him to be my friend too. But I think that would keep him from being able to spend more time with Wrath. It's not my place to take that away from my brother.'

Without paying attention to it, Envy had built a little tower out of potatoes and peas. It actually looked more like a layered wedding-cake then a tower, but whatever. He ate it all the same. A loud clack interrupted his munching and made the black-haired teen nearly fall out of his seat in surprise. He looked around for the source of the strange noise and found that a short, blond boy was now seated to his left, eating peacefully. There was another clack of a tray hitting the table and Alphonse set down to his right.

"So anyway...she was like 'Why don't you ever come out to see me anymore?'" Ed said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"Yeah and?" Al replied. They were continuing their conversation as if they hadn't just sat down at Envy's lunch table.

"And I was like "two reasons. First of all you live in the boonies...to far to walk and I hate the city buses and second, all you ever do is talk about that dumb school newspaper and how you write these cruel articles about the people in the school that are differe-"

"Um..." Envy interrupted.

"Yeah?" Ed replied, fixing him with a golden stare.

"Why are you sitting here?"

Long pause...

"Are you serious?" Ed replied, looking at Envy as if he had just asked what color the grass was while he was lying face-down on the lawn. Alphonse snorted into his chocolate milk.

"Um...yeah?" Envy retorted, not really catching what the hell was funny.

"Ed and I only sit with friends..." Al said, trying to help the confused teen along.

"So...your expecting me to move? 'cause you'll have to talk to Izumi about that...she wants me to sit here so she can make sure I eat..." Envy replied, still feeling as if he were the butt of some big joke. Sure enough, Ed's hand made contact with the back of his head in a soft slap. "Ow...what was that for? I still have a concussion you know!" Envy snapped half-heartedly.

"Did we say we wanted to conquer your table dipshit? Al and I don't have all that many friends so we like to hang with the ones we do have. I don't know about you, but I don't think we would have gone through all that bullshit last week and still consider you our enemy." With the Ed returned to wolfing down his food. After a few seconds he stood up and walked back towards the lunchline for seconds. Envy turned to Al.

"What brother's so cryptically trying to say is that We are your friends now Envy." He said, smiling.

"Why? I'm not worth it...I'm not a good person, look at how afraid everyone is of me..." He replied plainly, his tone implying that it was solid fact. Alphonse sighed and ran his fingers through his short dishwater colored hair.

"I make friends really easily, I'm very nice to everyone and I don't judge anyone...Brother on the other hand, he doesn't trust people at all. He hasn't made a friend since grade-school. If he sees something in you that's worth being trusted enough to call you a friend then your doing pretty good. I think we could both tell when you walked in today that you are trying to make an effort not to get where you were before. Brother wants to help you on that goal."

"But how can he want me around...surely he knows what kind of reputation he's going to have if he hangs around with me..." Envy defended. He simply couldn't comprehend the Elric's actions.

"I don't care what people think of my choice of company. The company I keep is entirely my business and they can say whatever they want. The only thing I expect of my friends is they do the same for me, regardless of reputation. That's why I don't get along with Winrey anymore." Edward interjected upon his sudden return. He sat down at the table with another plate full of food. "Oh yeah...and Envy...Izumi wanted me to give you this...she said it might help you heal better." He said, sliding a slice of chocolate syrup-cake in front of Envy. It was the kind you usually have to pay three dollars for. Envy looked up, catching Izumi's thumbs up, and blushed very slightly. He began eating, feeling already quite full but unable to resist chocolate.

"Your friends of Rockbell?" Envy asked off-handedly.

"Former. At least of Winrey. Granny Pinako's like the grandma we never had." Al answered for Ed (who's mouth was full.)

"Well ladies, mind if I join you?" someone asked before setting their own tray down on what was once the Envy-only table. All three boys looked up. Roy Mustang, the half-asian 'non-friend' of Edwards, had just made himself at home. Another person, Envy remembered as Riza, followed suit. She always seemed to be there wherever Roy was, but she never made any sign of being his girlfriend. Envy hadn't had a chance to be curious about this fact until now.

"If Envy doesn't mind I don't." Al piped up, taking advantage of his brother's full mouth. Edward choked on some of his lunch and sputtered a moment before recovering. He shot Al a deadly glare.

"I...don't really know if I mind...Guess not..." Envy stuttered, completely confused.

"Al, you have to try some of this ham!" Roy said with a broad grin, waving his fork with an impaled piece of meat on it in front of the younger Elric.

"Ew...Roy you know I don't eat meat!" Alphonse wined, drawing a chuckle from the normally silent Riza.

"To bad...it tastes so good too..." He said, popping the pink meat into his own mouth instead. He let out an over dramatic groan of pleasure. Riza rolled her eyes.

"Five minutes of lunch left...Roy I'll race you to the bottom of our plates!" Ed said, smirking an evil smile. Roy accepted the challenge and suddenly they were wolfing down food like wild creatures. Envy jumped back, trying to keep flying food off his pristine silk shirt. Moments later Alphonse stood too, and as if thinking the same thought they turned to throw their trays away. Envy watched as Al emptied the last of his food from the plates and set them on top of the trash can. Sure enough there wasn't a scrap of meat on the plate. Envy's own plate, surprisingly, had little food left on it to trash. For some reason this made Alphonse beam. Envy looked up at him with a suspicious eye.

"Izumi didn't tell you two to watch me too, did she? Is that why you sat with me?" He asked, sounding a little bitter.

"Oh, no...believe me you would know if we had been bullied into it by Izumi. Ed would still be sulking." Al replied with a laugh. The first warning bell rang, signaling five minutes to get to classrooms. Edward and Roy were already leaving with the crowd, bickering about who won the eating contest. "Hey, Envy?...I'm cooking dinner tonight, you and your little brother wanna come over for a while? I have some old anime shows on tape I bet Wrath would love and I'm sure would probably make Ed laugh..." He invited softly.

"Wouldn't I be intruding?" Envy asked immediately. If it was one thing his mother had reminded him of at every turn it was manners to those we respected. Now that Envy had someone he respected, he was determined to be polite. "What about Edward?"

"Don't tell him I told you, but it was Ed's idea. Believe it or not, the tough-guy thing is just an act. He actually does like having friends." Alphonse said.

"Okay, sure...I'll be there...but I don't know where..."

"Meet me and Edward by the west entrance after the last bell. We'll stop by your place and get Wrath and then we'll walk the two of you there."

--

Envy scolded himself for being such a child, but still, violet eyes were locked onto the clock on the wall, watching every second of his last class slip by. When the bell finally rang he was the first student up from his chair, first out the door and racing to his locker. Frightened students leapt out of his way as he almost mowed them over, a smile on his feminine features. Of course, everywhere around him, everyone just took him for his usual sadistic self, trying in vain to figure out what cruel things he might be plotting. Envy laughed to himself as he gathered his things and shoved them into his backpack, people could decide you had done things long before you even did them. That was the funny thing about rumors. Once they grew to a certain point you didn't even need to do anything and they would develop without you. He stalked out of the school, a little winded and again scolding himself for acting like a kid.

Still, a smile crept it's way onto his face as he spotted Edward and Alphonse by the west gate, waiting for him. Ed stood a couple inches shorter than his brother. His hair was blowing everywhere in the autumn wind and he was laughing at something. He was wearing a goldenrod long-sleeve sweatshirt with a short-sleeved yellow and blue plaid button up over it. His gloved hands were in the pockets of his slightly baggy jeans. Alphonse always dressed a little more conservatively, he wore a grey sweater and a brown suede jacket with fitted black jeans. Envy smiled as he watched the two for a minute from the doorway. Those were his friends. They were waiting for him. They didn't hate him yet...

yet.

He reminded himself of why he pushed people away. His disorder...when the depression or polarity kicked in, would they still be such cheerful friends? Would they wait for him when he wasn't himself...

-

_"Envy calm down, listen to me...you need to get a hold of yourself..." _

_"Kill him, kill him..."_

_"SHUT UP! Yo FUCK YOU GUYS! SHUT THE HELL UP!"_

_"Don't."_

_"Fucking..."_

"_Kill yourself."_

_-_

_"Envy, listen to me...I'm going to pick you up...I don't know where you are injured, so we just need to be careful 'till we get you to the school hospital...okay?" _

"You don't think we're just gonna let this opportunity pass us up do you?"  


_"What are you doing?! We need to get him to the hospital...he's lost a lot of blood!"_

_"Please understand...That creature in your arms has tormented all the students here for so long...everyone is so afraid to make a move without finding out if it's okay with Envy. If we beat him down now he'll never hurt us-"_

_"Are you fucking retarded!? He's injured and tripped out! He's done some messed up shit but you could kill him if you attacked him right now."_

-

_"You in for this? You need to let go of any grudges you hold against Envy if you want to see a brotherhood saved like you claim."_

_"I don't hold any grudges."_

_-_

_"Eat it. You need to eat so you can be at your best for court. They are going to make us fight to keep your brother." _

_"It's not poison. God Envy...Did I ever say that _I _hated _you_?" _

_-_

_"Thank you...You didn't have to save us..."_

_"Yeah I did. If that were me and Al I would want someone to do the same thing for me."_

_-_

"_Ed and I only sit with friends..."_

"_I don't know about you, but I don't think we would have gone through all that bullshit last week and still consider you our enemy." _

"_What brother's so cryptically trying to say is that We are your friends now Envy."_

_-_

"_Brother doesn't trust people at all. He hasn't made a friend since grade-school. If he sees something in you that's worth being trusted true enough to call you a friend then your doing pretty good. I think we could both tell when you walked in today that you are trying to make an effort not to get where you were before. Brother wants to help you on that."_

-

"_I don't care what people think of my choice of company. The company I keep is entirely my business and they can say whatever they want. The only thing I expect of my friends in that respect is they do the same for me, regardless of reputation."_

_-_

"_Did I ever say that _I _hated _you_?"_

_"I don't hold any grudges."_

"_Ed and I only sit with friends..."_

_We are your friends now Envy..._

_-_

"Hello? Hello! Earth to green-haired alien land! Hellooo...Mr palmtree in a chinese shirt is off in his own little world!"

"Envy..." There was a hard tap to his shoulder, snapping Envy out of his thoughts. Alphonse and Edward were on either side of him, staring at his vacant expression. Ed was absently waving a hand in front of Envy's face, which he hadn't noticed until just now.

"What's going on in that strange brain of yours?" Ed asked, prodding Envy in the temple.

"Wouldn't you like to know shorty?" Envy said with a smirk, realizing he was in the here and now. '_That's right..._' He reminded himself when he remembered what had made him space out. '_they became my friends at the lowest point I've ever been at.._.'

"Eeeh? Shorty?! I'm not fucking short! Your just freakishly tall and thin! I'm not so freakin' short everyone takes me for a little kid dammit!!' Edward ranted. Alphonse chuckled,

"And thus, Ed's napoleon disorder is painfully apparent." He said, leaving both other teens puzzled as to what he meant.

"Come on guys...it's safer to get there if we aren't walking after dark." He called back to them.

--

Author's post-Notes!

Waaaugh...It's short! TT I'm really sorry. I really wanted to get something put out with the ending of chapter three so I wasn't cheating you folks out of at least something new. Surprising turn? Too out of character? . I'm very insecure about moving my storyline forward because I'm afraid of disappointing people.

Disclaimers: STUFF I DON'T OWN: FMA, the song by Train that the Title is named for, Envy's awesome shirt in this chapter (though I would, if I could.) STUFF I DO OWN: MY OWN COPY OF ZELDA TWILIGHT PRINCESS FOR THE WII!!!!! THANK YOU SANTA CLAUSE!!!

Merry Christmas to anyone who celebrates it. Happy holiday/wintertime to anyone who doesn't! I hope to update again Christmas day, though. I was hoping to get around to the holidays in the story before Christmas but with working .

Next chapter: **Chapter 5 – Bring Me to Life...**


	7. Hand Me Down

Author's Notes

ORO! Gomen Nasai. Just like IRL, my Christmas present to you guys is late . (fyi: My Christmas presents always ALWAYS get to people just a bit too late.)

So, here is Chapter 5 ; It's been re-edited several times, simply because I was being fussy about it. I hope it doesn't seem to out-of-character. I offer this reason (excuse?) though: Envy is a little swept away right now. He's trying to do a lot of things a new way all very suddenly. However, very few people can keep up that pace. He won't be able to keep being so well-behaved forever. See, this sort of issue will swing like a pendulum before achieving a working balance, especially someone with Envy's psychological background. In any case, he's being very calm right now, at peace with himself.

This chapter is long. I mean it, very long . I'm not sure if I should break it down into two parts or not though. Two approx 5-page parts (my average for this fic is 6-7 pages) or one long 10 page part...Well, it goes like this for now...

Warnings: Swearing, Nearly-naked Ed, Envy being sweet (if not a little devious), references to porn (XD) and accidental exposure to said porn...oh for heaven's sake just read the damn chapter.

**Hand me down – Chapter 5**

The Elric's apartment was a pretty nice place. Edward unlocked the front door while Alphonse collected the mail. Envy wondered why there was no car in the driveway, but assumed the Elric's parents or parent would be back later or something. So the boys were latchkey kids?

"Welcome to the humble house of Elric!" Alphonse said, laughing as he threw the mail and his bookbag onto a chair near the door. Edward followed suit, and so did Wrath who had excitedly packed to stay the night even though no-one said whether that was the plan or not. The inside was comfortably furnished, but everything looked like it had been here a while, as if no new pieces of furniture were purchased for several years. The apartment consisted of a downstairs living room, kitchen and bedroom and an upstairs hallway, bedroom and closet. Wrath explored every doorway and inch before returning to the living room where the teens were resting after the long walk. Envy huffed quietly. He couldn't believe they walked that long distance every night after school. At least maybe their parents gave them a ride in the morning? Or they took the bus? The room began to warm up as Alphonse started the space-heater.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Edward said through chattering teeth. Wrath scuffled over and made himself at home next to the heater.

"Because I'm the cool, calm, smart brother, and you are the angry, hot-headed reckless brother who would starve or freeze his rear off or both without me." Al retorted. Ed flipped him a rude gesture to which the younger brother only laughed. Envy found entertainment in simply watching the pair. They seemed to be the same kind of complete as Wrath and himself.

"I need a shower..." Ed commented, getting to his feet. "Al, do you mind starting dinner? I'll help after I get done..."

"Take your time, I want the house to remain standing." The dishwater-haired teen replied, meaning he didn't want the house burned down by Ed's cooking. Envy couldn't help but laugh, both brothers turned towards him, shocked as he bust out into what sounded amazingly like giggles.

"What the hell is so funny Envy?" Ed said with mock indignation.

"You...hehe...so that's what happened...to your old school..." he snorted. "Ed-o was in home ec.?" Edward stared at him a moment before flipping him the same rude gesture he had given Al earlier. Alphonse on the other hand, could be heard laughing heartily from the kitchen.

"He's got you pegged already Ed!" Al laughed.

"Piss off!" Ed yelled.

"Language Edward Elric! There is a child in the house!" the younger brother scolded.

"I can swear too!" Wrath piped up.

"Wrath, don't you dare. I told you not to fucking swear." Envy said, still recovering from his laughing fit.

"That's completely redundant!" Wrath replied.

"Where did a little squirt like you learn a word like 'redundant'?" Ed mused

"I'm almost as tall as you don't call me little!" Wrath mock-snapped.

"Why who are you calling as tall as a seven-year-old you little demon-brat!"

"Ed, go take a shower!"

"I don't want to!"

"Now!"

"Fine!"

By the end of the 'fight' everyone in the whole house found themselves laughing uncontrollably. Envy was clutching at his sides and gasping silently for breath, Wrath had burst out into that loud almost-faked laughter of a young child and Alphonse was snickering into the counter in the kitchen. After several minutes, Envy stood in the kitchen doorway, shoulders still shaking in silent laughter.

"I...don't know when I've had more fun with other people..." He chuckled softly. Al straightened up, wiping a tear from his smiling eyes.

"I don't remember when Ed and I laughed so much either..." He said, sobering enough to get back to the task at hand of cooking dinner.

"Surely you guys must have a lot of fun with your family?" Envy inquired casually, walking into the kitchen and seating himself on an empty counter. Al smiled sadly.

"That was years ago..."

"Oh...Your parents are gone too?" Envy said with a sigh, careful to keep his voice low. In the next room Wrath had already discovered and set up the video-taped episodes of old weekday animes. Envy kicked his heels into the cabinet door beneath him.

"Our Dad left after our Mom died...he couldn't cope. He asked Ed if he wanted to take care of me or if he wanted him to send us to foster homes. Edward being to good big brother he is, said he would take care of me and we would live on our own. Dad disappeared the next night. Ed didn't think he would seriously leave, but it was hell fighting CPS on custody and ability to live on our own. At least until Ed turned eighteen. Dad sends us some money and pays the electric but..."

"Wow...sounds a little like what happened to me and Wrath...of course wrath's 'dad' left before Mom was killed." Envy said, staring at his feet as Al moved around the kitchen. He was getting ready to make some sort of battered fried pork fingers. Upstairs the sound of the shower shut off and was replaced by the bass beat of loud music. Envy stared at the ceiling, momentarily distracted from their conversation.

"That would be Ed. He's so predictable...every day he comes home, takes a shower and blares the same CD at top volume...Oh...Listen Envy, could you do me a huge favor?" Al asked absently.

"Yeah?" He gave the boy a curious look, wondering what he could possibly do and praying silently it didn't have anything to do with clearing a sink of dishes.

"Go upstairs and ask my brother what he wants for vegetables. I'm going to make carrots, but ask him if he wants broccoli or brussel sprouts..." Al said, giving Envy a warm smile. The sin-named teen couldn't bring himself to say no, not after they had been good enough to invite him over. Silently he complied, padding across the kitchen and climbing the stairs. The music filled the upstairs.

_I promise you, there is nothing I won't give  
To see this through  
Return the soul to where it lives  
I promise you, I'd go everywhere I've been  
To find a way to make atonement for my sin and see  
See your smiling face again_

Envy walked down the hallway slowly but not particularly careful to be silent. Not that Edward would have heard him in any way. Even out here Envy could hear him singing to the music. His voice actually complimented the singer on the radio's voice perfectly. It was almost as if Edward himself could have recorded the song.

_When we've paid the price at last  
And we are whole once more  
Life will be the way it was  
The way it was before the day  
She slipped away  
Together we'll redeem that day_

Slowly he peered around the corner of the open door. He caught his breath at what he saw. 'He must not be used to anyone but him and Alphonse living here...' He thought as he watched Ed with absolute curiosity. The blond teen was sitting on his bed, a loose towel draped over his waist, another was being scrubbed vigorously through his hair to dry it. The boy had a tone body for his height and age, Envy guessed he must work out. One thing that struck him though, was the prosthetic arm and leg that were abandoned against the dresser. He craned to see without being visible. This might be his only chance to see his newfound friend for real. He wasn't sure what he was expecting when he leaned in far enough to see the stump that had once been Edward's leg. It wasn't red, or raw, but simply the color of healed flesh with long scars that dashed across it. The mind registered it in a strange way, trying subconsciously to figure out where the rest of the limb was. Envy stared, his gaze traveling to where the towel barely covered the rest of Ed's leg or his hip...his tone stomach...'wow...' Envy thought to himself as his mind wandered to less-than-innocent places. The music stopped suddenly. Envy's head snapped up to meet the blond's gaze evenly.

"Sorry. I didn't know you were here..." Ed said, his voice actually wavering a little as suddenly lowered his gaze to glare at the ground. He swept the towel down from his hair and draped it across his stump of a thigh, hiding the damaged tissue from view. He turned his body slightly so his right shoulder couldn't be seen by the 'guest'. Envy stepped in the room, suddenly ashamed of having spied on the boy.

"Sorry man...Your um...brother wanted me to ask you about vegetables..." Envy stammered. He stopped a few inches into the room and waited.

"Dammit. He knows damn well I don't eat vegetables. That's his thing. He's the vegetarian it's his choice. It was just a ploy, anyway. He doesn't want an answer. Come on, you don't have to just stand there, you've already seen it so it doesn't matter anyway." Ed said, not meeting Envy's eyes. Slowly the black-haired teenager stepped over and sat down on the bed a foot away from Ed. He leaned in to see his friend's expression and regretted it. Edward's face was awash of hurt...'did i hurt him by looking?' Envy wondered.

"I really didn't want to show you...it's not pretty at all. It makes people uncomfortable..." Ed muttered.

"You know most people are uncomfortable about it only because you are uncomfortable about yourself. I should know about people not being...comfortable with themselves. Hell I find amusement in making people squirm. In that sense there isn't a lot you can do to get me all weirded out." Envy admitted quietly. He played with his hands a little.

"It...it's just really difficult. I hate this...disability. I don't regret it though...I haven't really ever told anyone how I got this way." The blond said quietly. When Envy said nothing but nodded, he took the key to continue.

"Al and I were outside, it was only a few years ago..."

"_Brother! Hurry! Hurry, catch up! Let's go to Winrey's house and see Granny Pinako!" a young boy with short, dishwater hair giggled as his older brother ran after him. They were both laughing, smiling and running down the suburban street._

"_Al...wait for me!" Edward wined after his little brother. He had to stop and fix everything Al had run into from running backwards. He righted a trashcan here, a box there..."Al quit running backwards your making everything fall over-AL WATCH OUT!" In a flash of a moment Edward ran forward at full-tilt and slammed into his younger brother. The car screeched to a halt, but the timing was horrible. At first, Edward had no idea his right arm was under the tire. The pain signals barely reached his brain. Everything went in slow motion as the mini-cooper towered over his young form. He saw Alphonse fall out of the way but bounce into the back tire of the vehicle as it stopped. "AL!!!" Edward screamed out upon seeing his sibling roll unconscious onto the pavement. He scrambled, trying with all his might to reach his fallen sibling. A sickening snap made him look down to find out why he couldn't move his shoulder. When he saw the flattened flesh underneath the tire the world spun and his vision tunneled out._

_--_

"I woke three days later in the hospital, and I panicked. At first because I didn't know where Al was, and then because I couldn't move the right arm which turned out to not be there. It was gone all the way up to the shoulder-joint. There was nothing but an indent were my shoulder should have been. I was hysterical for hours. The leg I lost three weeks later when I didn't take care of it and it got a staph infection. Thus the reason why it is a much less clean cut than my shoulder." He finished his explanation.

Envy nodded slowly, drinking in everything Edward had told him. He wondered at the fact that he had fully assumed these boys led a comfortable easy existence.

"Was Al injured too?" Envy asked, curiosity about th accident getting the better of him.

"Funny thing, he hit his head on the back tire and got smarter! Okay, I don't know if that's true, but he skipped a grade in middle school, so we actually started high school at the same time. He had a minor concussion, but he still passes classes that I can only dream of escaping failure. So no brain damage." Envy chuckled at the blond. He scooted a little closer in the bed until he was only sitting a few inches from Ed. "It's really tough though...I just got left here...I didn't ask for any of it. What kind of bastard father leaves a crippled son to take care of his little brother? I feel completely useless like this. And they wonder why I don't want my prosthetics seen? Roy and Al are just alike when it comes to that. They want me to accept myself and insist on making me expose this little disability of mine. That's why Al sent you up here. He's always trying to act like Mom. I'm sorry...for making you see me this way."

Without a word Envy got to his feet. He held out a thin hand in front of him. Without thinking Edward took it, drawing himself up on his one solid leg. Envy tugged a little and pulled the smaller teen into an unflinching embrace. His arm crossed Ed's empty shoulder socket, his thigh brushed the boy's amputated leg and made Ed gasp.

"It's been a while since someone gave you a hug, hasn't it..." Envy said softly. His hands were on either of Ed's shoulders and he was being painfully careful to keep the hug platonic, though his body (being only human) screamed out to him to do more than give the boy a simple hug.

"It's just...most people are afraid their going to break me or something..."

"Now why would I be afraid of the kid that almost kicked my ass?" Envy said, laughing.

"What do you mean, almost?" Ed replied. His sarcastic sting was half-hearten though. Envy was surprised when his shirt felt wet where Edward's head was. He was certain Ed's hair was dry enough not to drip and suddenly realized that the other boy was crying into his shoulder.

"It's been so hard to keep going...sometimes I want to die. I really wish sometimes that I had died back then. I never wanted any friends...the only ones I had betrayed me. Roy made me expose my prosthetics to the entire school once...Winrey decided that since Al and I didn't go to her church we were...ah but that's not the point. I...Envy I didn't become friends with you just because _you_ needed a friend..."

"It was because you needed one too...That's okay. And...I think it's okay to realize that it's difficult...You aren't the only one who has had to raise their little brother on their own...your not alone" He tightened the embrace. "What happened to me is what happens when you try and be...too tough. When you try and take it all by your lonesome. You break, like I did. That's when you break..."

They stood there for what felt like quite some time, although in reality it had only been a few minutes. Ed moved to shift away from Envy and something fell out of place. Suddenly he wrapped his arm and pressed himself into the older boy.

"What's up?" Envy asked, a little surprised by how tightly Ed's arm was pulling their bodies together.

"M...my towel..." the blond mumbled. He had his face buried in Envy's shirt to hide the blush. Realizing right away what was going on, Envy directed his gaze to the ceiling, moving quick hands down to grab the towel that had come untied from Edward's waist and was dangling between them, held up by Ed's front to Envy's. He took the towel and, very careful not to brush any skin below the waist with his hands, tied it back into place over the younger teen's right hip. Not once did Envy look, though it was quite tempting when someone as cute as Edward was involved. Ed stepped away, a faint tinge of crimson still on his cheeks at the awkwardness.

"Sorry...thanks..." he muttered.

"Hey, it's no problem...Nothing to be embarrassed about." Envy said with a playful brightness in his smirk. The other boy sank back onto the bed and grabbed a comb off the dresser. He ran it through his goldenrod hair, separating it into strands that hung straight when wet. With an amazing skill that Envy could only gawk at, he reached behind his head with his only one hand and pulled all of his hair into his grasp and braided. Envy had seen his mother braid her hair behind her own head before, but for someone to do it with one hand only was all but impossible. He watched the blond entranced.

"Hey, could you hand me that hair tie over there?" Ed asked when he had finished. The black-haired boy obeyed silently.

"That was...really cool...how did you learn to do it one handed?" Envy asked without thinking. "Sorry...I mean...it's just..." He stammered. He didn't want the other boy to think he was trying to rub it in his face.

"It's okay. I have one arm, it's not like it's something I don't know. Somehow it doesn't really bother me when you mention it with that kind of curious voice. Anyway, I taught myself. Al actually braids it a lot better, but this works for most things." He said.

"EDWARD! ENVY! DINNER!" Alphonse's voice called from downstairs.

"Speak of the devil. Hey, Envy?"

"Yeah, Ed-o?"

"You don't think Wrath will...mind..." He gestured to his prosthetic arm and leg sitting against the nightstand. "I really don't like to wear sleeves and gloves in the house, especially eating and right after a shower too...I mean, Al is used to it, but Wrath is just a kid..." Ed asked, a little unsure of how to act around anyone in his home besides those he was related to. Even Winrey hadn't been over since the accident.

"Huh? Wrath wont have any problem. He's not exactly your usual kid as far as that goes...not surprised by much. Hell...when a kid can get used to a brother like me..."

"Good point." Edward replied with a snicker.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Envy replied incredulously.

"Absolutely nothing."

"Riight."

-

"Took you two long enough! The food's getting cold!" Al put his hands on his hips as he watched them climb down the stairs.

"Sorry Al, we were talking...eh...about music..." Ed lied, not looking his brother in the eyes. Envy watched as Alphonse hesitated but accepted the excuse. It was obvious these two brothers communicated silently most of the time. There was a rattling noise and all eyes turned to Ed, looked down to his right to find Wrath there. He had Ed's prosthetic hand in his own and was inspecting the false limb. There was a tense moment. Envy watched Edward fight with himself not to jerk away from the curious child's probing eyes but he was holding fast and looking at Wrath with intense eyes.

"Awesome." Was all the black-haired child said. He dropped Ed's hand and looked at Envy. "Do we get to eat now?"

"Think so...Al seems to be getting impatient." Envy laughed. Edward sighed and Alphonse gave his brother a pat on the back. As the two guests made their way into the kitchen, Edward leaned towards his brother.

"You suck. I can't believe you sent him up there...you knew I would be naked! And without my prosthetics too..." Ed whispered. His tone betrayed no true anger though, he couldn't bring himself to be angry with his innocent sibling.

"I didn't do it with any intentions, honest brother." Alphonse replied with an uncharacteristically sly grin. He turned towards the kitchen, but paused at the door. "He didn't have a problem at all did he? I knew he wouldn't." He said quietly.

--

The spread was quite amazing. The table was well-set and there was a lot of food. Apparently Alphonse was quite the chef or so it would seem. There was a plate full of home fried pork-steaks, steamed carrots, brussel sprouts, broccoli and cheese, a sort of pasta with a white sauce and fried potatoes to choose from.

"Wow, do you always cook like this?" Envy asked, amazed as they sat down.

"Usually...Alphonse is a wiz in the kitchen...He got Mom's knack for it." Ed answered for his brother, helping himself to the pork, potatoes and pasta but avoiding the green vegetables passionately. Al filled Wrath and Envy's plates respectively and then his own.

"Why do you cook meat, I thought you were a vegetarian?" Wrath asked through a mouthful of potatoes.

"Wrath, don't be rude, chew and then talk!" Envy said, smacking the younger sibling lightly on the back of his head.

"It's okay...brother has no manners either..." Alphonse gestured to the blond, who was eating as if he hadn't in days. "Brother eats meat, so I don't mind cooking it..I'm not against meat on principle, really, humans are omnivores – we eat plants and meat by nature - I just have this...thing..."

"He means...mfh...he finks about the animal as he ish eating it and he getsh grossed out. Me pershonally.." Ed swallowed his food with a loud gulp. "I have no problem with snacking on one of the three little pigs..."

"Honestly, Ed, we have guests...your not being a good influence on Wrath." Al said in a mock-motherly tone. Envy snorted.

"Good influences he says...that's funny. We don't need no stinking good influences, eh Wrath?" He laughed.

"Yeah huh. Envy's been swearing in front of me forever and he always wears slutty clothes and watches R movies and the other day he watched this thing, i think he thought i was asleep, where this guy got on his knees in front of this other guy and unzipped his pants and gave him a blow j-" Envy's hand shot over Wrath's mouth.

"What the little guy means is blow-pop. He gave the other guy a blow-pop, like the candy. Now Wrath...how about you talk about something that doesn't involve making your brother look like a bad person-OW!" Envy jumped back as Wrath sunk his teeth into the palm of his brother's hand. Envy looked up at the Elrics to find Al laughing into his hands to hide his face and Edward completely red and staring at him. "I'm really...really sorry. Wrath isn't really sheltered from much, he figures most things out on his own before I even have a chance to corrupt him...the internet being there and all...And I really did think he was asleep...and um...I'm not helping am I..." A hush fell over the table as everyone but Wrath tried to get rid of the burning blush on their faces. Dinner concluded in an embarrassed if not amusing silence.

-

_These Elrics are really surprising me a lot lately. First they randomly decide that they want to be friends with me after all I put them through...It almost feels like the person I was two weeks ago is nowhere to be found. My life changed so much...I sit here in the living room with Ed and my brother, who is snoring in the corner. I don't think even a train crashing through the wall could wake him now. Ed looks up from the anime we are watching and smiles at me, then returns his attention to the television. He looks really adorable when he sits in his tee-shirt and shorts, unashamed to show me his prosthetics. I can tell they make him insecure but he seems comfortable now. Funny, because I wouldn't be comfortable with me if I were him, and not because of his limbs. This anime is interesting, but I've seen it before. I keep my attention on studying Edward instead. It's an old habit of mine...well, not so old really, but one used in a little more cruel fashion than now. I used to study people whenever I could, memorizing the habits of each person I watched. I would learn their motions, their weaknesses, their ways of speaking, figuring out so much about them that if I wanted to I could tear them to shreds. But I look for those things out of habit and curiosity with Ed, not for personal gain. Even if I did start to act like I did before instead of trying hard to be stable, I would still owe Edward and Alphonse complete safety at the school. Hell I owe them both my life. _

_I watch as Ed absently plays with his leg where flesh meets prosthetic. I wonder if he knows he does that. He runs his fingers over the transition as if to remind himself that the rest of his leg is there, he just cant feel it. I wonder to myself about what it was like for me to embrace him with no barriers, nothing but his own body. I can't figure out why I did that...I'd be a liar if I said I didn't find him attractive, but I didn't hold him in there for my own self. (If I were being selfish about it I would have kissed him, and maybe even gone further.) But I didn't, I didn't do it for me at all. I did it for him, simply because that was the affection he needed. I glance at the clock...it's nearly two in the morning...I'm not sleepy, and tomorrow there aren't any difficult (or un-skipable) classes until after noon for either of us, so staying up won't be a problem for either of us. Al on the other hand has an Advanced Placement tomorrow morning. That's why he's in bed. Sometimes I swear Alphonse is the older brother._

_My gaze travels back down the wallpapered walls and onto Ed sitting back spread out on the couch. Golden eyes meet mine...He noticed me watching him. I'm not embarrassed though...It's likely he knows already anyway. I just nod at him. He's being so strange right now, not at all the boisterous, obnoxious person he is at school. He's being quiet, calm and real. He opens his mouth to say something...it's a cute look, him pausing with his little mouth open, especially when he's in this mode of his. Oh, bad, dirty Envy. You shouldn't think such things of a friend...ha. It doesn't bother me in the least that I think that way. Edward bites back on what he was going to say and turns back to the TV. My thoughts are broken by a knock at the door that causes both me and Ed to jump about three feet into the air._

"Who the fuck?!" Ed said, getting to his feet and stomping over to the door. He swore something about killing the person if they woke Alphonse since he has an AP class tomorrow. Envy climbed to his feet as well. He was wearing a loose tank-top and pair of sweat-shorts Ed had given him to sleep in since Wrath came prepared to stay the night and promptly crashed at ten. The outfit was too short, leaving Envy's long legs and thin stomach exposed, which he didn't mind. He moved nearer to the hall but went no further

"Winrey, what the hell are you doing here?!" Edward hissed when he opened the door to reveal a rather worried looking Winrey. Her ancient station-wagon was parked out front and she was dressed as though she had driven out randomly on a whim.

"Edward...is it true Envy is here?" She asked suddenly, pushing her way into the hallway. Reluctantly unable to force her back outside, Ed closed the door behind her and leaned on the wall.

"Yeah, him and his brother are staying the night, why?" Ed asked plainly. All the guards he had let down in the living room were back up and he was staring at his former friend with blank, unreadable eyes.

"Why? Ed...you...He's staying the night...I thought so when I didn't see him go home..."

"You've been spying on my house?!" Ed's voice started to climb.

"Please, shh...hear me out...I have to tell you something, it's about your personal safety...is it okay to talk here, is _he_ still up??" She pleaded, waving her hands around like it were urgent.

"Um...no, I'm pretty sure Envy's sleeping with his brother on the couch in the living room. I think he's out cold, we can talk here." He lied, curious what 'better judgment' someone like her could have on the situation.

"I'm really concerned Ed. I saw you and Al sit with Envy at lunch today. Roy and Riza too, but they are just followers trying to connect with the only people they know since the fire. Anyway...it's not a smart thing to be doing. Ed there are rumors, terrible rumors, about Envy. We all know that the one about him having a little boy in his dorm was true now. We know that he is using or has used drugs, obviously or he wouldn't have tripped out in the cafeteria-"

"I don't think that's fair-"

"Hear me out and quit defending him! He...he isn't a good person Ed. He is fucked in the head! A weirdo! Do you realize what your reputation is going to be if you start hanging out with him? Even if he doesn't beat people up any more or threaten to blackmail teachers...he's still...you know. And people will assume you are..."

"That I'm what, precisely, Win?"

"Ed..." She lowered her formerly frantic voice to a whisper. "He's gay...he always has been. He dresses like a girl and he's really into guys."

"So?" Ed questioned, standing from his leaning pose to stand face-to-face with her.

"People are going to talk...they'll assume you two are together, they will think your gay too..."

"So? What does it matter what people say? For all you know I AM gay, how would you feel about that? Would you still be my friend? Oh yeah, it would probably be like Garfiel, or did you forget that your family was close with a very gay man long before you decided it wasn't okay."

"Gay people are perverted Ed, they have urges..."

"So do straight people! Have you ever even been around teenage boys Win?? Anyway, you forget that Garfiel, the man who fitted me for prosthetics that moved when the Docs said I couldn't do it, the man who did the work for absolutely free out of the goodness of his heart since dear Dad wouldn't pay, was absolutely Flaming GAY! It didn't stop him from being a good person! You used to think so too, am I right?"

"Garfiel was a good person Ed, just misguided..." 

"Misguided? Who the hell decided who was right or wrong for whom? He used to be your Idol! You also forget Winrey, I don't believe in God. As for Envy, My friends are my business..."

"But Ed, I'm trying to protect you! He's going to do something, he will try something you just watch...He's a pervert Ed. I have heard things that would make your toes curl..."

"Fuck that! What the fuck does it matter?? I trust him, a hell of a lot more than I trust you. This was really immature of you Winrey. Go home."

"Just watch out Ed that's all I'm saying!"

"Go home Winrey."

"He thinks about you Ed...he likes you...he's going to try and make a move! People will talk!" 

"Fuck people, and fuck you! I'm tired of this bullshit. It's people like you that ended up Envy almost dead and Wrath without a mother. Go. Home." Ed spat, opening the door for her. When he closed it behind her he watched her walk down to her car and peel away in a huff. He sighed and leaned against the door, sliding down it to sit on the floor. Envy stepped out from the doorway, not looking Edward in the eyes.

"You heard?" Envy nodded.

"She's just being ugly...She spreads lies like butter." Ed said, running his hand through his hair which had come out of it's loose braid. Envy sat cross-legged across from him on the floor.

"Aren't you going to ask?" He started, still glaring at his feet.

"About what?" Ed asked.

'as if you don't want to know...' Envy thought, but he needed to explain himself either way. He had to be totally honest or secrets would drive a knife between the only friends he knew and him. "About what she said. Don't you want to know..." He smirked in a little, silhouetted in the hallway that was only lit by the living room TV and the light that leaked in. "If I really am gay?"

"Doesn't matter." Ed answered simply. His expression was impossible to make out in the gloom. Envy grew silent, staring at the wall. "I don't mean that I don't care about you. It just...makes no difference if your gay or straight Envy. Your my friend. That means acceptance."

"I see. Well, I don't feel right about you not knowing...I am. I am gay, if you didn't figure it out."

"I kind of guessed but like I said, It doesn't matter." Ed said, giving Envy a slight smile in the dark. Envy scooted closer to see the blond better.

"I'm not exactly subtle, huh? I um...Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Doesn't it bother you? Are you...scared, like what Winrey said, that I will do something to you?" Envy asked, nervousness actually showing in his voice. Of all things he didn't think he could stand it was finding out he made Edward, who was honestly insecure, uncomfortable.

"Why should it? Envy...if you were going to try something, you would have done it earlier. When you had me in my room, naked but for a towel with music blaring so loud they wouldn't hear me yell, with my arm and leg off so I couldn't run. You could have done anything to me then..." Ed's blush was faintly visible in the darkness.

"Don't get me wrong Ed. I'm not as honorable as all that. If you think those things didn't cross my mind you are fooling yourself. I'm not one of those goody-goody people. I watch porn and I shamelessly flaunt my body for sale. I cuss like a sailor and I have done some pretty messed up shit. I do think perverted things. Earlier, Ed...I could have. I thought about the fact that I could have." Envy admitted, watching Edward's face for any sign of discomfort which would have been a sure signal to head home and come back for Wrath in the morning.

"The thing that separates you from the person Winrey thinks you are is the fact that you could have, but you _didn't_."

"Ed...Back in your room...I really thought you were...effing hot. Your really okay with that?" Envy asked, the words made Ed gasp. 'there it is...I knew it would bother him sooner or later, when he realized that I really am attracted to guys.'

"M-me?" Ed stammered

"Yeah...you were so...sexy. Just getting out of the shower like that, with your hair down and...Sorry...I'm not trying to freak you out..."

"B-but my arm and my leg...you just...I mean...I couldn't have possibly been hot just then. I could be cute when I'm dressed, or when I have my prosthetics on even, with all those straps and stuff, but without them i'm just..."

Envy stared at the boy, puzzled by his reaction. 'he...he's more worried about his arm and leg being off-putting than the fact that a guy thinks he's sexy...weird much?'

"No-one has ever thought of me as hot before...at least not someone who knew me..." Ed's face was completely red now. Envy got onto his knees and moved forward, putting his arms around Ed.

"We're even. I'm gay and that makes absolutely no difference to you. Your crippled but that makes about the same amount of difference to me." He said, placing a small kiss on his friend's head before letting him go. There was a silent pause before Envy spoke again "What about Al? Will he be okay with me being gay?" He asked, sitting next to Edward with one arm over the other boy's shoulder and looking up to the ceiling.

"Oh yeah. Al's really cool about that kind of thing. He had said something about something Wrath said about you needing a boyfriend to dote on you, so he already knows via Wrath."

"Yeah, Wrath was really cool when I told him. Long time ago. Adorable really...something like 'So..gay means big brover wants a boyfriend instead of a girlfwend wite? Okay. I wanna have a girlfwend tho, so you can have all the boys we meet and I can have all the girls.' He's such a funny kid." Envy said, a sort of proud look came over his eyes as he spoke of the fond memory.

"Well, like I told winrey...the man who gave me these -" he lifted his prosthetic arm up "- was super-gay. He cared though...these things cost several thousands of dollars on the market, he makes them for a living and gave these to me free because I couldn't afford them. He's an old family friend, like Izumi and granny Pinako."

--

Alphonse opened the door from his room, ready to greet the new day at an early seven AM. The sight that faced him was an amusing one. Envy and Edward had fallen asleep in the hallway. Envy was propped up against the corner with his head tipped back and mouth wide open. Ed had slid down and was laying with his head on Envy's bare stomach. Al only shook his head. He would have to wake Envy first so they could maneuver Ed to a less precarious position to wake into or the little blond's day would begin with a shocker.

The next few days would be kind, and the weekend would pass slow with a little time spent together among the friends...the peace would only last so long, though, as these things have a tendency to do.

--

A motorcycle sped along the highway, a red dragon encircling the star of David was painted on the side and the driver moved at a suicidal pace.

"Bastard better not have gotten to Envy first..." A low voice growled through gritted teeth.

Somewhere further back along the highway another bike raced.

"Greed you jackass, not this time you wont..." the driver spoke, sweeping the only long strand of blond hair from whipping into her eyes as she sped up to catch her quarry.

_--_

Author's Post-notes!

Fluff galore! Okay, actually some serious issues addressed in a safe and mostly harmless environment this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. It's actually about to get a little bit darker again. I'm really trying hard to keep up an in-characterness while the character's personalities are changing. It's kind of heavy to do .' I'm sorry if I'm not doing well to portray it. TT

I wanted to share a bit of philosophy I came up with today during the tedious hours of work though!

In order to be at peace with one's self, one must be at war with the world.

In order to be at peace with the world, one must be at war with one's self.

The two cannot exist simultaneously, else one has achieved perfection

And now that that randomness is over...LOL

It will probably be a little while before I update again, I have some things to smooth over in the next mini-arch, but be kind ; It will be worth it, why?

Next chapter!

**Chapter 6 – it's not a fashion statement (It's a deathwish)**

_How can an ordinary moment go so wrong? Why is it that as soon as I start getting my shit together, every demon from my mast wants to come and visit me again? Can I truly be free of it?_

A murderer, a family member, a dept...What did we gain for our loss? What will come of taking the names of the Sins...

PS: Disclaimers! I don't own FMA. I don't own Matchbox 20, who sang the song I named this chapter after. I don't own the song in the fic, it was originally sung by Vic Mignonga. Yes, that's Edward's voice actor. It's a little nod to Ed being able to siiiing. LOL

So, Love you guys! Please review if you can. I reply! Tee hee.


	8. Not a Fashion Statement, A Deathwish

_Author's Notes_

Well, here we are, at chapter six! Wow! I've been a hypocrit this week. I have been bitching about how none of the fic authors update much during the holidays unless it's just random christmas fics and here I am, not updating until after the new year! XD

I hope you all had a great holiday (whatever you celebrate) and a wonderful new years (and I hope the hangover wasn't too bad for those of you who drink -.-' I'm very thankful I only drank a bottle of champagne. I had the offer to go party with a bunch of drunkard high schoolers but I refused XD Anyway...I didn't really want to update until I killed my writer's block for the chapter I'm actually writing which is chapter 9 (actually four chapters ahead because chapter 7.5 exists XD I'm horrible about these half chapters and two/three parter's huh? I guess I just like to break the chapters by event not size so they always end up split up weird.

Well, Enjoy! Warnings: Nothing that hasn't been it it before...swearing, reference to death or violence, blah blah blah.

**Chapter 6 – it's not a fashion statement (It's a deathwish)**

Envy walked along the city street. '_it's great to be allowed off the campus...I guess it's better to be officially living there with no record of parents than to be in-pending all the time._' He thought to himself. Wrath clung to the edge of Envy's deep purple velvet turtleneck as they walked together. They were out about downtown, and attracting a lot of attention. Even still it wasn't the same kind of dangerous or resentful attention Envy was used to. People simply stared for a moment before looking somewhere else. He supposed it was his looks, as usual. He looked like a girl, probably. Most boys didn't wear thigh-length velvet shirts and black girl-fit jeans. Most boys didn't have hair that fell to their lower back. Wrath was somewhat androgynous today too, but only because he looked so young and under a puffy jacket it was hard to determine a child's gender. Fall had broken in full force with an unusual amount of chilly weather. Of course, it was a late autumn so winter was practically upon them. Still, the biting chill was an amusing twist on the usual California weather. Envy quite liked it, and with the increase in budget from Wrath's social security that Izumi was forwarding to him he had been able to purchase winter clothes for his brother.

Today they were window-shopping. The entire downtown was already Christmas decorated. Envy sighed...it simply came earlier every year, though he conceded that it was good to get out and experience things like this, for both of them.

"ooh, Envy look...It's so pretty. Can we get one when December starts?" Wrath had his face pressed against the class of a window, pointing at a small but brightly it Christmas tree inside the shop. It was a pretty little fake pine that shown with golden glitter ornaments. It glinted the light in such a way it looked like it was glowing.

"Sure, I don't see why not, if we can afford it." Envy mused, staring at the beautifully decorated tree.

"You know, if we put ornaments in your hair Envy, you would look kind of like a Christmas tree..." Wrath said, a wicked grin on his face.

"Don't even think about it, squirt. I would kill you with my bare hands!" He threatened. Wrath knew his older brother wold never seriously threaten him, so he giggled madly and started to run.

"Only if you can catch me! Don't look on the side of your head!" Wrath called back. Envy's hand shot up to his hair where Wrath had been standing next to him and sure enough, a golden ornament from a nearby outdoor display was hooked there. After struggling to release the blasted thing from his locks he was off after the little brat. They ran, laughing and chasing each other for several blocks until they finally reached the first entryway of the school courtyard. The younger boy was stopped by the school guard, allowing Envy to catch up. He swooped down and rolled his brother up in his arms.

"Ha! Got you! You forget that you can't get into the schoolyard without _my_ student pass." Envy said, grinning. The guard stared at the duo a moment and then returned to his post. 'these teens and their weird trends...I think that was a boy out there, but I can't be sure.'

Envy continued to torture his brother, swinging him over one shoulder and spinning around. When they were both sufficiently dizzy he sat cross-legged on the ground. He wasn't ready to be on the school grounds yet, he knew that much. He allowed Wrath to slide down his back and land with a soft thud into the fallen leaves. The younger of the two began to play with the leaves absently, leaving Envy's gaze to wander over the cars on the nearby highway. A motorcycle turned onto the school road, grabbing Envy's interest. It was a nice bike, sleek and quiet. It looked like it could race almost anything and win. It sped down the street and pulled into the school parking lot. The driver got off and, Judging by his build, Envy guessed he must have been in his early twenties or maybe a little younger. He wore a black pair of jeans with leather chaps over them, a black leather jacket on his upper half. The jacket had fur fringe around the neck and a lot of silver studs and chains. Envy's eyes widened when the rider took off his helmet, though. The man had hair more pitch black than Wrath's, cut somewhat short and left spiky. He pulled a small pair of round sunglasses from one of his many pockets and set his helmet on his bike.

"No way..." Envy muttered, staring blankly as the newcomer approached. The other seemed to spot Envy sitting there, because he hurried his pace and leaned forward, as if to confirm,

"Nathe...Envy?" The seemingly stranger growled as he rushed forward. Envy got to his feet quickly, leaving the bewildered Wrath on the ground.

"Gr...greed..." Envy muttered. His eyes flashed with recognition. "What are you doing here..."

"Who's that?" the newcomer and Wrath both asked about each other at once. Envy bit his lip.

"He's...Mother and Bradly's son...my little half-brother."

"The...so they did have a kid. That makes him my cousin too, doesn't it. What's his name?" 'greed' spoke with a certain urgency, as if trying to gather a lot of information at once. His voice was careful though, and held a naturally nonchalant air.

"I'm Wrath. Who are you." Wrath replied for himself, refusing to let Envy answer for him. Greed's eyes flashed, glancing between Wrath and Envy.

"W...wrath. Envy...you named him a sin too?!" Greed stammered.

"Yeah...With everything that happened with him and his father, he needed something to help him overcome that. It thought maybe the pact would..."

"Shit...We need to get out of here. Envy, where do you live?" Greed ran a hand through his hair as he furrowed his brow.

"Tell me what's going on Gree-" Envy's sentence was interrupted by the sound of another motorcycle pulling up. This one ignored the parking lot, speeding across the grass to skid to a stop inches away from Greed. Envy jumped, Wrath yelled but Greed didn't even flinch.

"Greed! How dare you leave me the fuck behind you asshole!" the driver yelled. Envy gaped. It was a woman...she was the one driving like that. Greed cocked his head to address the woman.

"Martel, what are you doing here, you know what's involved in this situation. If you follow me you put yourself at risk." He said darkly.

"Like I have anything to live for!" She spat back. She hadn't been wearing a helmet, nor any other biking gear really. She had very short blond hair and a tight black tank-top. A tattoo designs were in various places on her body and one trailed along her cheek. She wore baggy camouflage pants and combat boots and stood indignantly with her strong-looking hands placed on either hip.

"Don't be so blind to follow me into a death trap." Greed said, turning to her.

"Death trap? What the fuck have you gotten into now Greed?!" Envy snarled, grabbing the other man by the shoulder and spinning him around.

"Oh, dear cousin...I'm afraid it's not me who has gotten into the danger..." He poked Envy in the breastbone with one long finger. Envy looked at him, utterly confused. "But we can't continue to talk here...It's not safe." Greed looked around, his eyes settling on the gate.

"Can you get us in? We can grab some of your stuff and take it with us. You got any friends out here? We need a place to hide out." Greed said, walking towards the gate and leaving Envy bewildered.

"Just tell me what the fuck is going on!!!" Envy practically screamed. Greed turned on him.

"You know I don't do things without a reason..."

"I know you don't do anything unless it's for a profit either...what's in this for you?!"

"Re-paying an old debt." He replied firmly, causing Envy to sober a little.

_An old debt. That's right...I had nearly forgotten. We were young, it was before Bradly I even came along. My aunt's little boy was hanging out with me at the park. We were very innocent back then...Someone, a man in black, approached Greed..he wasn't called greed back then, but he was the first of us to have a second name, so I can't even remember his old one...The man talked with sweet words, offering my cousin candy. He picked my cousin up and set him in his lap and gave him a sucker. He watched Greed eat it with interest while I stood gawking. The man addressed me as a little girl and said a quick hello before turning his attention back at my older and obviously male cousin. He asked Greed if he would give him a hug. Greed was very innocent back then...He did, laughing as the man nibbled his stomach and tickled him. The man turned greed over and spanked him lightly. I began to get a bad feeling about him, but I had no inkling of what might happen. When the stranger asked Greed if he wanted to go back to his apartment and play games, my cousin agreed, but I followed them. The neighborhood we were in was very safe, and our parents let us go out to play when we wanted. After that day we would refuse though..._

_I followed them. The man promised that his house was just around the corner, he lured my cousin in promising he had better swings and slides in his back yard than there were at the park. Greed and I were so young, but I had one thing my older cousin didn't. I knew a little bit more about the adult world. Greed was a little more sheltered but because of my..._tendencies.._I had more things explained to me. When I saw them go into the house, I pulled myself into an open window out of pure curiosity. They were in a dark room...the man was bearing over my cousin, pulling off his tee-shirt and kissing him on the chest. I gagged in my throat and I heard Greed begin to protest against his pants being removed. The man tried to explain to my cousin that it was just a game. I knew better. I knew this was wrong. Greed started to cry when the man undid his pants button. I pulled myself through the window and ran forward, on my way I grabbing a large bottle of some kind of alcohol and when I got close enough I struck out with it. The man collapsed onto the floor, twitching slightly. Greed hugged me and cried as I helped him get his shirt back on. Of course, being children we had no idea what to do about the frightening encounter. We ended up on agreeing not to speak of it. Funny...I didn't think he would remember._

Envy gritted his teeth. He knew that his cousin was right, and if he didn't want Martel (who was all but inseparable from him) following along then it was a great risk.

"I can get us in but you can't bring the bikes...we're on foot in there..." Envy said, walking over to the guard and presenting his pass. When the gate was opened he gathered Wrath up in his arms. The younger boy was trembling but said nothing. Envy held him close as they started off at a brisk pace, the other two following Envy intently. Up through the dorm district they made their way at a quick pace...The weekend made this place nearly devoid of any students.

When they arrived at their destination though, something was amiss that made Envy gasp in shock. Their door was pried...no _torn_ open.

"What...the hell...Greed is someone after me?!" Envy asked, his amethyst eyes wide. Greed nodded through a firm grimace.

"Martel! Get these two out of here..I'm going to check and see if anyone is still here..." Greed said quickly. His tone made the girl jump, but she suddenly took the same directive voice that Greed had just addressed her in

"Come on, we have to move." She said, fixing them with a piercing glare.

"Not until someone tells me what the fuck is going on!" Envy shouted suddenly. Wrath whimpered into his shoulder.

"Brother, I'm really scared!"

"Dammit, you really are related to him" Martel barked in response, jabbing a finger in the direction of Envy's apartment, meaning she was alluding to Greed. "Stubborn as fuck!"

"Coast is clear...I thought I told you guys to leave in case it wasn't..." Greed demanded from the balcony of the dorm.

"Greed tell me what's going on..."

"We can't stay here long..come up and see if you can salvage anything, but only stuff you will _need_. And any weapons you have will be good." Envy turned and stomped up the stairs, surprised by his own speed. He shot Greed an acidic glance before walking into his and Wrath's shared apartment. Wrath slid to the ground off of Envy's chest as the teens arms simply gave way.

"God..who the hell did this..." He muttered, mouth agape. The entire apartment was shredded, every piece of furniture had been torn open, every breakable thing broken...papers and toys were scattered from one end to the other and light crept in through a torn-up shade in the window. Subconsciously Envy placed a hand on Wrath's shoulder. He could feel the boy sobbing next to him.

"The same person who murdered your mother..." Greed said quietly, stepping over a broken chair leg and into the destroyed apartment.

"No...no no no...We have to get out of here!" Envy said suddenly. He grabbed Wrath again and began to hurry out the door. Greed rolled his eyes.

"You couldn't have just believed me from the beginning?" He said, hustling to catch up with Envy's panicked pace.

"You should have fucking told me he was the one...Shit, what if he's still around!" Envy broke into a straight run. They would take the bikes and go far away from here...his apartment was useless to him now, he and Wrath would have to run for their lives...He felt his legs screaming out for him to stop. He could hear Wrath crying in his ear but he ignored them both, his mind fully set into instinctual survival mode.

"Envy!" A familiar voice called out. Envy caught his heel in the dirt and spun around.

"Edward..." He gasped. Edward returned the surprise as he ran up to Envy.

"What's wrong Envy, you look terrible...is something...are you okay?!" The blond asked, panicked. Finally, Greed caught up to the sin.

"E...ed-o...please...keep out of it...You an your brother...please forget you ever knew me..." He said suddenly, hot tears welling unbidden in his violet eyes. 'I have to erase anyone that could get hurt.' "Stay away from me!" He shouted suddenly, turning tail from Ed and running full tilt towards the out gate. Tears were streaming down his face now, whether from pain, exhaustion or fear. He had no idea where to go, but this place wasn't safe...So many questions raced through the teen's mind as his feet pumped against the concrete. How had that son of a shit gotten out of prison? How did he know Envy would be here? Did he know Wrath was part of the pact now? How close was he...and why did Greed come for him instead of going into hiding for himself? Worst of all...where would they go?

Edward stared after them long after they had run off. He watched a blond woman speed by him moments later with a backpack slung roughly over her back.

The entire group mounted the motorcycles and sped away, driving way about the legal speed limit. Something was definitely wrong. Who were those college students? That guy looked pretty tough, but his hair color...his eyes...he looked a little like Envy and Wrath. A brother? Cousin? Edward shook his head, completely confused. Envy had seemed so frantic...and he had begun to cry...there was no way Edward could let it go at that. He turned around and started to stumble forward, gaining pace until he was sprinting towards the school. He needed to find Al...and then...Yes, Sheska could do it. She was so good at research...she might be able to track something down.

--

Someone had beaten Edward to the punch he found as he approached the library where his brother was talking hurriedly with Sheska in the lobby. They both looked frantic.

"Brother!" was all Alphonse had to say. Edward followed them in and towards the study room without another word.

"What's going on?" Edward asked quickly when the door snapped closed behind them.

"We saw some stranger going into Envy's apartment, the place is totaled! He was there some time this morning...the cops are on their way but their treating it like it's no importance...I found Sheska and started looking stuff up to find out what was going on.." Alphonse explained, all very quickly.

"What did you find?!" Edward asked, equally desperate.

"this..." Sheska said quietly, holding up a crumpled newspaper and pointing to the headline.

_Prison break at California Prison puts all on alert!_

_Earlier today at the StateSide prison, an outer wall was breached and one prisoner escaped alone. A death-row inmate, he is charged for four counts of murder. The known victims of his former crime were as follows; Thomas Bradley, His wife Juliette Douglass, Tera Reed and her son Morris Reed. The serial killer claimed to be attempting to kill all those who called themselves the names of sins. A sadist and possibly neo-nazi idealist, he is considered armed and very dangerous. Any reports should be directed to -_

The article continued to state the places to call in case of sightings.

"You guys think this has to do with Envy? Those who call themselves after sins...Envy and Wrath are both the names of sins, do you think this guy would go after him?!" Ed pieced the puzzle together quickly, looking between Alphonse's worried expression and Sheska's knowing one.

"It gets worse...I looked it up right away...the woman Juliette who was murdered...she's Envy's mother...and Bradley was Wrath's father...The other woman and her son were their aunt and cousin." Sheska explained. Ed guessed that Al had filled her in on Envy's story, or at least what they knew of it.

"No wonder...I just ran into Envy and he told us not to get near him again.." Ed said, thinking hard to himself. "He's going...to be killed..." Alphonse placed a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder.

"You know we have to go after him..." Al said softly.

"How the hell did the killer know he would be here?!" Ed asked suddenly, wheeling on Sheska who cowered. She pointed a shaking finger to the computer screen. The school's news web page was displayed and on the front page...The article about Envy's meltdown in the cafeteria.

"Where. Is. Winrey." Edward asked, his eyes not meeting anyone's. Alphonse guessed if Edward looked someone in the eye right now they might spontaneously combust from the danger in his glare.

--

Wind whipped Envy's long hair everywhere as he pressed his forehead into Greed's back. He didn't like going this fast, but it was simply easier to ignore it than to try and tell Greed to slow down. They wove through traffic dangerously, but as Envy remembered Greed was an expert biker. When he finally ventured a glance up he noticed Martel was matching pace with his cousin with great ease. The girl was even better than Greed, of that he was quite glad. He had entrusted Martel with Wrath, who was clinging to her small waist with pale arms. Wrath panicked around adult male strangers, but women he often trusted right away.

Greed interrupted Envy's already scattered thoughts when he shouted out against the noise of the highway. "Envy! Where are we going? Do you have any friends we can stay with?"

"Not any that I'm willing to risk! We'll go to a hotel somewhere up here..." He shouted back. He had the money for a one-night stay at least. The bottom of his stomach seemed to drop out as he thought about what exactly they could do...There was no way they could keep running forever. He would die before he would give up Wrath's future because of_ his _past.

--

"Shouldn't we just call the police? They could find him and put him in protective custody?" Sheska offered weakly as the three of them stalked down the halls and towards the entrance of the school.

"No. The police are useless. They didn't even get to the dorm until now, remember? Plus, Envy has a lot to hide. How would we explain his an his brother's connections to those names? The way he must have dodged the law to stay out of witness protection? The likelihood is if we did involve the cops they would just separate Envy and Wrath. I know for a fact that that would leave them both broken. The local cops are incompetent. No, Envy's alone on this one...well, alone except for the people that were with him." Ed said. His voice was icy cold. Sheska and Al could only assumed they were headed for the Rockbell residence as they hurried down the city street.

"Who was with him? I didn't think he had any friends..." Al asked.

"I don't think they were his friends per say, but I'm pretty positive that the guy was related to him somehow. They had the same eyes, hair and smile. The woman I have no idea. Whoever they are, Envy is still going to need backup. We can't let him go this alone."

"So what does Winrey have to do with this?" Sheska inquired meekly.

"Everything. She is the one who got Envy into this mess, and she owes us transportation if not a hell of a lot more. Not to mention this has just gone too far and she needs to realize it." He said darkly.

--

"One night."

"How will you be paying?"

"Cash."

"Name?"

"Envy."

"envy?"

"Yeah, problem?"

"Not at all..erm..sir? Or, ma'am?"

Envy raised an eyebrow, Greed couldn't stifle a snort of a laugh even in their dire circumstance. Envy shot him a deadly glare as he reached out and took the keys from the jumpy desk associate. He stomped toward the Elevator. Martel followed with backpack in tow and a silent Wrath clutching her hand. They traveled to the twelfth floor, fourth room and unlocked the door. It was a slightly seedy looking hotel, quite on the run-down side. The beds looked like they had seen better days and the lights cast an eerie glow on the room. Envy felt a small hand on the edge of his shirt and looked down. Wrath was giving him a frightened look. The boy wasn't crying anymore, but he was still silently scared. Envy bent down and placed a hand softly on his brother's head.

"It will be okay, Wrath...I promise. I'm going to make everything okay."

"The man who killed Mama is after us, huh?"

"Yes Wrath. It's my fault he is. I dragged you into this and I'm very sorry, but can I ask you to be a little strong for me? We are going to fix everything, and we will be able to go back to how things were before." Envy assured him, forcing what he hoped was a comforting smile. Wrath nodded slowly. He threw his arms around Envy's neck and held there for a moment. Envy closed his eyes and slowed his breath. After several minutes he stood, pulling Wrath up with him. He set the boy down on the bed and flicked on the television for him. Greed and Martel had already stepped into the room and closed the door. Both were now seated on the opposite bed watching Envy and Wrath quietly. The high schooler turned to them.

"Martel was is? Thank you for riding with Wrath here. He seems to trust you. If I can ask, Greed...who is she?"

"She's my...companion I guess. Since Mom and Gluttony were killed and she was orphaned too, we started living together with a few other strays in an abandoned warehouse." Greed explained.

"Wait...Mamma Lust? Gluttony? Their...their dead?" Envy sat down on the bed as his head began to spin. He guessed he just believed that Greed and the others were simply living on their own somewhere. No-one from the rest of his family had any contact with him or Wrath since their mother, Sloth, died. Apparently it wasn't just because they didn't care. That...murdering bastard...must have continued on to Greed's side of the family before the cops found him. And now somehow he was free again and wanted to finish... "I...I need to collect my thoughts. Martel, will you keep an eye on Wrath while I take a shower? Greed...come with me, I need you to explain everything." He said, staring dazed at his own hands. Greed nodded and stood.

"Wait...here...I just threw some stuff in here, but there should be clean clothes in here for you to change into." Martel handed Envy the backpack she had brought along.

"Always gotta be logical, huh?" Greed said, a sarcastic smile playing it's way onto his features as he followed his cousin into the bathroom. The door closed with a click behind them. Greed sighed, setting the toilette seat down and sitting on it as Envy removed his shirt and pulled a towel down for his shower. Greed stared at him.

"Your so thin...Envy I could count your ribs. Have you been eating?" His voice held little concern, but Greed never did have a knack for showing emotion. The fact that he was asking at all showed Envy that the man gave a damn.

"Not until recently." He conceded honestly. "I was trying to stay thin, but it turned out to aggravate my mental condition so I had to start getting proper nutrition. I've gained weight though..."

"You are a twig. Why do you care so much? You know, people wouldn't mistake you for a girl if you weren't so skinny and didn't wear your hair long..." Greed said. Envy knew they needed to discuss the matter at hand but this small-talk was calming his racing mind quite well. He turned on the water in the shower and stripped down to his underwear. It seemed neither one had any modesty about it though, as Greed didn't even break a blush.

"It's not like I care if I'm taken for a girl. Even back then you know I didn't really mind." He sighed as he stepped into the shower, removing his underwear once behind the shower curtain to save Greed having to turn away. Steam rose from the shower, the elder cousin guessed it was on full-blast heat.

"No, you always were a fairy." Greed laughed at the indignant expression Envy shot him over the top of the shower curtain. They stopped talking for a while, though Envy was not really mad about the comment. Finally it was Envy who broke the silence once more.

"Greed...what happened to your Mom and brother..." He asked, fairly certain he had already guessed the answer. Greed sighed and leaned back, staring at the wall.

"Not just Mom and Gluttony...Bradly too. Everyone besides you, me and Wrath...that named themselves for the sins...".

"But...It was...Why would someone want to kill all of Grandma Dante's kids? Did they have something against us?" Envy asked. His hands were working hotel shampoo into his long hair.

"Not us in particular...I think it has to do with the names really."

_That's right. The reason we picked the names of sins. Mostly because our parents did...It was a pact among them long before any of us were born. All three siblings, my Mother, Greed's mother and their _adopted_ brother Bradly were abused by their mother. Her name was Dante and she was a cruel woman. Mother never told me much of what happened to them, but they all did unforgivable things as children and teenagers. Dante disappeared halfway through their childhood. Sometimes I wonder if that was the great sin they believed they committed. When they were all teenagers, Mother told me, they took a blood oath to each other to repent the terrible things they did. They would each take the name of the deadly sin they most resembled and when they found that they had given enough to pay for what they had done, they would change their name and take the name of a virtue, instead. That was if they could ever repent it. None of them ever had the opportunity to._

_My mother called herself Sloth. When I asked her why, she got a distant look in her eyes and said quietly "Because I did nothing to stop it."_

_Greed asked his mother, but she had simply told him at the time that he would know one day. Now when I look back, I guess it must have had something to do with Gluttony, Lust's oldest son. He and his mother were only fourteen years apart in age._

_Bradly, the adopted brother and Wrath's father, kept his sin name very private. I knew it though, and I received a beating when I asked about it. He was called Pride. I sigh slowly as the memories become clearer. The water is soothing, though it's leaving red marks on my skin from the heat. I don't shower unless I can run the temperature high. I suppose those two things don't match up. Yes, after her first husband (my father) my mother went back to her adopted brother who she had once loved. I know there is more to that story, but I never found it out...Guess I won't ever now._

"Why _did_ you take a sin name?" Envy asked out of nowhere. The question had been in the back of his mind for some time since they were small children.

"Because it suits me. I'm greedy. At first it was because I thought it was cool. Slowly though, it became me. I'm greedy. I want material things, because people die. I learned that when Mother and Gluttony were murdered. I would have never believed you were still alive. I always assumed you had been taken care of when he killed Pride and Sloth. I lost everything" Greed said, a grin spreading across his face. '_Pride is...dead?_' Envy wondered but didn't voice the question. "So I want everything. Absolutely everything. No more emotions...just stuff."

"What about Martel?" The sound of the shower pounding against Envy's lithe form was deafening against Greed's sudden silence.

"How did you find me...how did he find me?" Envy inquired finally.

"Seems you have some friends on the school newspaper that just love to throw your name around."

--

Author's Post-notes!

So the drama unfolds yet again! Envy just can't keep wild circumstances out of his life huh?

For anyone who thinks it's odd that Greed sat in the bathroom while Envy took a shower...um...screw off XD I'm not an incest person persay, but I do have an odd opinion of family and their intimacy with one another that borders on the unusual or so I have been told. Ae; the fact that my sibling characters willingly sleep in the same bed and cuddle, undress in front of one another, have physical contact more than is considered normal ect. Ect. I just always felt blood relation made for an intimate and very pure connection no matter what the nature of that relationship is. It just depends on what type of person you are. Physical people like myself would sleep in the same bed as a guy as long as I trusted that person, and probably cuddle them. I'm always hanging all over my friends and family, doesn't matter if it looks platonic or not. I do it because I'm a physical person and just love to touch. Thus, many of my characters deep down are physical contact people, or at very least have no shame about the "propriety" of things (like Greed).

Well, now that my mini-rant is done (brought on by some comments said to me IRL that kind of pissed me off XD) Here is more junk I always throw in here!

Disclaimers: Here is where I so clichély state that I don't own FullMetal Alchemist, or any of its subsidiary properties (Big words!) Nor do I own My Chemical Romance, who sang the song in the title. Boo-ya!

Next Chapter:

**Chapter 7 – Say Goodbye to Hollywood**

"_He's my friend, Winrey. That may not mean much to you, but believe it or not if even if that was you out there I would do the same fucking thing."_

Dedication, Loyalty...but just how far will it go when your life is threatened? What can teenagers really do against an experienced serial killer? Sacrifices must be made for those we care about...A life is taken, but can Envy deal with it once it's all over? What will the aftermath look like...how hard is it to wash out the smell of blood?

--

Reviewers are pure love If you are silently reading, please let me know you are there! It makes me write more AND i will reply to signed reviews every single time, I promise! Teehee. LOVE YALL HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR!!!


	9. Say Goodbye to Hollywood

Author's pre-notes!

Welcome! Thanks for sticking around until chapter 7!!! I never began to think that I would have people truly interested in what happens each new chapter. Well, here we go, On to the show!

Warnings: Swearing, Violence, Blood, Death

PS: Look for the nods to cannon FMA here...

**Chapter 7 – Say goodbye to Hollywood**

"I don't see what this has to do with me!" Winrey shouted. She was currently clinging to the handle that hung from the passenger side roof of her dear little station wagon. Her knuckles were white with her fearful grasp. Edward was driving, for once, and he had a deadly serious look on his face as the vehicle sped down the highway.

"It has everything to do with you Winrey...you got him into this mess!" He snarled, yanking on the steering wheel to whiz around a driver who was apparently going much too slow for him.

"What?! How!! All I did was my job!" She shouted back before losing control and screaming outright when they came inches from running over a stop-sign.

"You wouldn't get off his fucking case!" The blond male spat back.

"Um...guys? This really isn't the best time..." Sheska interjected. Her and Alphonse were in the back seat. Although obviously not as indignant as Winrey, they both looked equally frightened of Edward's sporadic driving.

"It's not my fault Ed! He's the one who has a murderer after him who god-knows what reason!"

"His mother got killed by this person, does that mean nothing to you!?"

"That doesn't make him a good person!"

"It doesn't make him a bad one either."

"Look out for that truck!" That time it was Alphonse who interrupted, breaking Ed and Winrey's argument again.

"Maybe we should slow down?" Sheska suggested, sounding quite desperate.

"Look, if we found out where he was this easily, I imagine it will be just as easy for the bastard that's after him, and that guy got a head start because he didn't have to try and convince his idiot of a former friend that it is _worth_ a shit to save someone's fucking _life_. Even if you don't like that person." Ed spat bitterly.

"It's not because I don't like him, Edward, quit being a prick! I just don't think it's smart to go after someone who is on a murderer's to-do list!!"

"He's my friend, Winrey. That may not mean much to you, but believe it or not if even if that was you out there I would do the same fucking thing." Silence overtook the vehicle for several miles of dangerous highway driving.

"The turn is coming up.." Alphonse finally had the courage to break the wall of silence. Sure enough the exit sign showed up on the side of the road. With great agility (or perhaps, luck?) Ed crossed four lanes of traffic to get to the exit he needed to take. He stepped on the gas, barreling down the road towards a small, seedy hotel some ways out of town. He simply prayed they wouldn't be too late.

--

Envy pulled a pair of black fingerless gloves onto his hands and checked his look in the floor-length mirror. Martel had obviously picked out the clothes at random, but it went together okay. Hell, almost everything Envy owned was black, so black matched black. It wouldn't be warm, but then...who needed warm when you might have to put up a fight. His top was black, skin-fitting and sleeveless. It had a tall collar, like a turtleneck, but the shirt ended right above Envy's last rib. For bottoms he had a black skort that was just short enough to show the tattoo of pure crimson. He absently traced the design with his fingertips. It matched the one every other member of their pact had (save Wrath who often kept a small metal coin with the dragon etched onto it in his pocket, only because Envy said he was too young to get a tattoo). Envy himself had gotten it without his mother's consent. He pulled a headband down around his neck and then up over his forehead. On it was a triangle design.

Finally he sighed, placing a thin hand on one jutting hip and striking an intimidating pose.

"Does everything you wear make you look like a slut?" Greed's voice snickered from behind Envy. He was still sitting on the toilette seat, observing his cousin as they spoke at length about what they could do.

"Yes. I admit to looking like a whore, happy now?" Envy shot, turning to smirk at Greed.

"Whatever floats your boat little cuz." He retorted. He stood and slipped by Envy, stalking out into the main room of their hotel and saying something to Martel. Envy had stopped listening, pausing to catch his reflection one more time. There was something naggingly familiar about this outfit. Something also...sinister about how it fit him. He shook the thoughts from his mind. The dark cloud above him must have been unnerving him, that's all. Finally he stepped out into the room. Greed was laying on his back on one bed where Martel was also sitting with her head resting on one knee. On the other bed, Wrath seemed to have fallen asleep.

"What's the plan?" Martel asked of no-one in particular.

"We're still trying to decide." Envy said darkly, lowering his voice as he passed his sleeping brother. He cast the little boy a glance, his eyes showing a much greater amount of emotion than they normally betrayed. He felt impossibly guilty for the whole mess.

"We need to lure him out and take care of him for good. It's obvious the cops have no handle on things and he'll be after us for sure..." Greed said, fidgeting with a coin in his hands.

"I want to get Wrath somewhere safer until it's all done. At least then if we get killed-"

"NO! I wont leave you." Wrath sat up in bed and shouted. "I wont let you go away like Mama..."

_It was then that I knew I couldn't give in. Everything I had done up until this point, hurting myself, contemplating suicide, getting into fights and hoping silently that someone would overpower me and beat me to a pulp instead...it was as if it was all just games. Games and unnecessary drama. Now that I am facing real danger, everything's changed. I have to live, no matter how much I have wanted to die before._

_--_

"What room is someone named Envy staying in?" The front-desk agent flinched as Ed's tone was much harsher than perhaps he intended.

"Envy..." He seemed to think a moment, running his finger down the guest list to find his name. "There is someone here named Envy I know for sure. Here we go...Room 1204...My this Envy character is popular...someone called asking the same questions earlier."

"Someone asked for him already?" Ed asked, eyes widening.

"So he is a boy. I had my suspicions. Some older gentleman called asking if this was the hotel he was staying at. He wondered who was staying with him...I was honest with him I suppose I thought maybe it was those boy's father, checking up on them or something..." The desk associate said, venturing a shy smile. The poor guy didn't know what he was in the middle of. Ed however just swore and took off in the direction of the Elevator. The others followed suit, trying to keep up.

--

Loud knocking thundered through the hotel room where Greed, Envy and Martel had been in deep discussion about where to go next. They all jumped.

The knocking sounded again, Martel leapt to her feet, in one swift motion pulling a small knife from the side of her boot and standing in front of Greed. Envy jumped up as well, moving with amazing speed to pull Wrath into his arms.

"There are a couple of your knives in that bag I brought." Martel hissed to Envy, motioning with her head to the backpack sitting open on the bed. Envy set Wrath on the bed behind him and grabbed a short very Katana-like sword. It had been Wrath's father's, one of the many swords the man had collected. He realized it was the same sword he had taken to defend themselves the night their mother was killed.

"What do you want?" Martel called out, none-too politely.

"Envy! It's Edward! Open up hurry...you aren't safe here!" Ed's voice called through the door. He sounded panicked. Envy dropped the weapon back into the bag and pushed past Martel to open the door.

"Envy, what are you doing? It might not be-"

"I know Ed-o anywhere..." Envy pulled the door open quickly but not all the way. Immediately Edward pushed into the room, followed very quickly by Al, Winrey and finally Sheska. Envy closed the door quickly behind them.

"What the fuck are you all doing here?!" Envy gasped incredulously when he realized the number of people who had followed him.

"What the fuck do you think? We're here to help in any way we can..."

"Edward...do you have any idea how much risk you...and you guys...all of you are taking? I'm not worth all of you dying!" Envy's voice had escalated to a furious yell.

"Don't yell...Envy we already committed to this, all of us. Al and I don't make friends to abandon them. All that aside, the person who is after you already knows your here...the same way we found out where you were. He called the hotel though. He knows your room number and everything!"

"Fuck...We need to get out of here...Listen, as soon as we get out of the motel go with Martel, she will find safety for you guy-"

"No." This time it was Alphonse who spoke up. His face was set, eyes determined. He placed a hand on Envy's shoulder. "We aren't leaving you."

"Fine. Whatever, do what you want." Envy finally gave in. It was obvious they were at least as stubborn as him. "Guys, this is Greed, my cousin. This is Martel, his girlfriend. Martel, Greed, these are my..eh...friends. Edward and Alphonse Elric, Sheska and...what the fuck? Is that...Rockbell what are you doing here..."

"I've been asking myself the same thing..." Winrey replied. She had intended the comment to come out sarcastic and callous, but instead her tone wavered under the gaze of so many expectant people and she petered out, sounding more confused than indignant about the whole mess.

"Whatever. Don't get yourself killed." Envy waved a nonchalant hand at them and began throwing things into the backpack. "Come on, we have to move." He said finally. Everyone was on their feet in a moment. Envy picked Wrath up and placed him in Sheska's arms. He gave his brother a small kiss on the top of his ebony head. "Please make sure he's safe." He whispered to Sheska. Winrey looked at Envy's kind treatment of her friend with obvious surprise. Sheska nodded and smiled at Envy before turning her attention to Wrath.

"You okay kiddo?" She asked. The boy nodded into her shoulder.

Martel walked in out front, Winrey and Alphonse taking up the rear as they filed out the door and down the hall. They rode the elevator down and the air was tense as if every body in the small party was sensing the same stifling wrap of danger. There was a buzz, and the Elevator doors opened into the lobby.

Envy and Greed recognized him first.

There was a man at the front desk. He was dressed in a long, tan trench coat and his face wasn't visible for a wide brimmed hat that he wore low over his features. Greed grabbed Martel back just as she prepared to file out, while Envy was already pounding on the close-door key on the elevator pad.

"...yes, 1204, got it. That's where he is then?"

Winrey paled and Edward gasped as the door shut off the rest of the conversation. The man was right there. Envy's heart and mind raced. This wasn't the place for a confrontation...they needed to get him out into the open, or at least somewhere they would have the upper hand. When the elevator reached the third floor the group piled out, running full-tilt for the staircase. Martel still kept up front, knife in hand. Everyone was on high alert, all senses open to everything. When they came to the bottom floor they burst through the door without thinking. The man hunting them was just lost behind closing elevator doors. He noticed them though, and Envy knew it. He froze as their gaze met for a moment. Reality was gone and it was just the two of them, predator and prey. Envy stood stock stiff as the elevator doors seemed to close in slow motion. The light glinted off the man's small round glasses and he smirked at Envy's apparent fear.

Hunter.

And prey.

Envy felt like the mouse who had just seen the cat run past it, knowing somewhere behind it the beast was wheeling and preparing to pounce. He felt a shiver run up his spine as the buzzer sounded the elevator doors closing. He stared at the distant doors for several more seconds, scarcely breathing for fear.

A sharp knock to the shoulder broke the teen out of his trance.

"Envy, come on, hurry!" It was Alphonse, calling from behind the counter. Ed, Sheska and Winrey were already there too. It was Greed who had punched him in the shoulder. He turned to his cousin, who gave him another nudge. With that they both ran for the front desk.

"They told me what was going on here..." The hotel worker said. "You can go out the back way...I'll tell him you went out the front."

"You know you could be in danger by doing this..." Al said to him, but the man only smiled.

"Someday you'll learn that doing something of value in your short life is better than a long life of worthlessness. Hurry now." The man said. Envy made a mental note to come back and thank the man for his help. With one last nod of thanks Envy and Greed followed the rest of their party out.

Envy yelped as his feet squelched into something wet and freezing cold. He didn't have shoes on, only a pair of half-socks he often wore, but they were cloth and no match for the white powder that had formed in a thin layer on the ground.

"It's snowing..." He muttered. They found themselves in an alleyway behind the hotel. White flakes were slowly drifting around them. They were all distracted just a moment by the sight, but just a moment was too much.

"Snow is a beautiful thing, isn't it sinner Envy?" a hoarse voice said.

"Fuck, run!" Greed shouted, once again breaking the dazed moment. No-one obeyed though, they stood in their various places behind the hotel. The man's hat flew off his head in the bitter wind. He was a gaunt older male with short, light brown hair. His head was cocked to one side and he was staring at Envy out of the corner of his eyes. Envy's violet gaze traveled down the man's form. He was wearing a long trench coat that was worn and dirty, like had stolen it off of some homeless man. Something gleamed in his left hand, reflecting the setting sunlight. Everyone seemed to notice it at the same time. It was a long silver knife, but something was dripping from the tip. Envy took a sharp breath from the cold air as he realized the knife had blood on it. The murderer's gaze followed Envy's down to the blade. He looked at it casually and grinned.

"He was protecting you, he had to die. Now, dear, dear descendant sin of my disgraceful former wife...Which of your pretty little friends would you like me to kill fir- Hello...don't I know you?" He twisted his head around to lock a pair of demented eyes on Greed.

His sinister grin seemed to split his face in two. "Yes, you are the other son of that whore with the fat little boy. It's really too bad...she was so gorgeous. She could almost compare to my beautiful Dante in her day. Yes...you have her eyes. Tell me...what is your name?" He inquired, taking a couple of stumbling side-steps in the snow.

Envy and Greed were closest to him, Martel shortly behind Greed and Ed and Al behind Envy. In the back was Winrey (Who looked ready to cut and run any moment) and Sheska, who clung to Wrath. The brunette girl's jaw was set and she vowed with her eyes not to let anything happen to the boy. She was cornered though, nothing but impossibly high alley wall behind her.

"Greed." Envy's cousin spat, flipping his middle finger at the felon.

"Greed, what the fuck? You could've..." Envy began.

"Oh, it's okay." The killer interrupted "I'm going to kill you all anyway. Anyone who gets themselves involved with sinners needs to be dealt with like a sinner. Now, since you've been so kind as to gather the last of you in one place, could you tell me...is perhaps there a Wrath among you?" Envy paled, a shiver running up his body from the cold. "Judging by your reaction, there is...let's see...nope, blonds." He referred to the Elrics. "More blond and a brown-haired girl. Ah. There we are...that beast in your arms..." He addressed Sheska.

"You wont hurt him, bastard. I won't let you!" She nearly screamed. In any other circumstance, everyone would have been shocked to hear Sheska swear. But this wasn't the shy, clumsy Sheska they knew. This Sheska was rough. Her hair was a mess and her glasses had slid down her nose. There was a fire in her eyes though, burning with protectiveness and warning.

"I'm pretty fucking tired of this small talk!" This time it was Edward who spoke up. He ran forward, drawing a panicked scream from Winrey. The felon raised his knife, bringing it down like an expert toward Ed. The boy brought up his right arm, just in time to embed the blade deep where there should have been flesh. The man looked shocked for a second as the teen didn't even wince. Ed landed a square punch to the murderer's face, but was rewarded with a kick to the stomach that sent his body flying across the alley. He was caught by Martel, nearly taking her down with him. He touched his bleeding lip and swore.

Envy twitched "Who the fuck do you think you are?!" He screamed. He launched forward, aiming a kick for the man's head.

"I...am Shou Tucker." He grabbed Envy's ankle in the air, twisting the sin-named teen upside down and slamming him into the ground. "I was married to your grandmother once...we had a beautiful little girl, Nina...You know...Dante was born of the devil I think. She had two other children by someone else. I was torn to shreds by the news...two little girls and one pet boy she kept.. I was just some poor bastard on the side...but then I figured it out..." As he spoke, he stepped on Envy's shoulder, effectively pinning him down while giving a pointed look to Greed. He pulled another knife from his pocket. This one was clean. "When her children killed their own mother and took the names of some of the seven most deadly sins...I was positive. See, everyone has a purpose...Mine is to make sure Satan's power cannot uprise, and for that to happen, I must slay every one of the spawn he created with that demon woman. I had rather hoped that the next generation would be cleansed of the sinful blood, but it seems you simply must be dealt with."

"You bastard...You said you have a daughter...what would she think of you murdering people? Do you even care that she's alone?" It was Ed who spoke out, spitting out blood from a split lip, but he was on his feet already.

"She's not alone...she's dead." Tucker grinned. "I knew that her purpose here was to teach me how to kill so I could fight off the heracy that was taking place...You know, it's amazingly easy to take the life of one so fragile? You sinners were all that easy too. Except maybe for sinner Pride. He put up quite a fight..."

"Y...you killed your own daughter? Just...so you could learn how to kill?!" Ed began, but his rage was quickly satisfied when Envy, taking advantage of Shou's distraction, wheeled around with his left leg and caught the man in the crotch with the heel of his foot. Tucker collapsed and Envy was freed. He took a couple steps and kicked the man in the side of the head. Tucker fell to the ground, but he was laughing. In one swift motion he got up and threw his shoulder into Envy's chest. Greed was next to move, dashing forward and leading low with a knife of his own. He plunged it into Tucker's side but found it didn't get far in because of the thick trench coat.

Again, Tucker laughed. "You sins are too eager to die!" He shouted, bringing his own blade around. Greed dodged in time to receive a long gash on the side of his head. It barely went beneath the skin, but it got a reaction out of Martel, who moved at the same time as the now-recovered Envy. One punched Shou in the face, the other in the gut. The murderer used Martel's off-balance to throw her into Envy. He brought the knife full-force towards Envy, but he was thwarted. Alphonse's fingers were wrapped around his wrist, nails biting into his skin. Al twisted, sure he was going to break Tucker's arm. With a mighty tug Tucker pulled him forward to trip on Martel's prone form. He promptly brought his other hand around onto the back of Al's neck and knocked him unconscious. The killer kicked Al's limp body over and leaned in with his knife.

"Oh no you dont!" A kick from the side caught Tucker in the ribs, throwing him sideways. It was Ed. He was defeated easily when Shou threw him into a wall with a well-aimed elbow.

"That's it..."

"What's that, Sinner Envy?" Envy was getting to his feet. He was bleeding from the mouth, face and several places where he had skidded across the concrete. Snow clung to his hair and his lips were slightly blue from his lack of warm clothing, but a smile crept across his face. With inhuman speed he threw himself headlong at the bastard. One of Envy's lithe hands wrestled the knife from the man's grasp, while the other closed around his throat. The sudden impact had sent them both flying backwards, and Tucker landed with a sickening crack on the concrete. Envy moved swiftly, grinding his knees into Shou's elbows and pinning his torso. Taking the clue, Greed moved forward and placed one booted foot on the murderer's legs. He pushed down with his weight when the man tried to kick. Envy had both hands around Tucker's throat, and a maniacal grin was pulled across his feminine face, making him look more like a demon than ever.

"Envy no!" Winrey cried out.

"Shut up, Winrey...this is his fight." Edward cut her off. His voice was deep and rough with blood from his busted lip.

"Do it, Envy." Greed egged.

"With pleasure, though he doesn't deserve the mercy." Envy hissed. His violet eyes flashed dangerously. Edward though to himself that those eyes looked like cat's eyes, or snake's...maybe it was the light or just the icy rage that had flooded Envy's soul, but his pupils were small, making his purple eyes gleam against the setting sunlight's reflection on the snow.

"M...mercy?" Tucker croaked. "You can't feel mercy hrk...sinner."

"Oh yeah? You think we can't fucking feel? Well, you stole my feelings that day...You sealed your own fate when you took my mother from me. You made me what I am right now." Envy growled though gritted teeth. As he spoke he leaned close to the man's face. He looked so animalistic it seemed he would bite tucker's face off as soon as look at him.

"And what...hck...is that...sinner?" Envy's grip was tightening on Shou's throat. Even still the man had that cocky smirk on his face.

"A body that walks and lives...but has no soul. I am a hummonculus, bitch." Envy pressed one last time, and something cracked. As Shou's trachea collapsed under Envy's pale hands, blood spurted from his mouth forced upward by the sudden impact. His legs flailed as he coughed more blood onto Envy's pale face and chest. Shou couldn't draw breath in. Noises gurgled from his throat as he flailed. He slowly suffocated there, and finally as no oxygen got to his brain he slipped away from this life. Greed removed his foot and shoved his hands into his pockets as he turned away. Winrey could be heard throwing up somewhere behind them and Sheska gripped Wrath, keeping him turned away from the gruesome scene. Edward let out a sigh and turned to check on Alphonse, still more than a little shaken. Envy stood, a large smile still on his face.

"He didn't deserve the mercy of death." He said at length. Flashing lights approached.

"Late as usual. Damn I hate cops." Greed spat.

--

_And so it is, the police show up, so do some EMS. They check us all out, stitch up the cut in Greed's head. They nearly flip when they see the bloodless knife jutting from Ed-o's arm. Winrey is still getting sick and Alphonse is still unconscious as we ride to the hospital. I remember it in patches...I watch everything around me surreal. I'm not even in my own mind. My thoughts are like me, but non of my actions are. I'm still smiling, what words I say I can't remember. My breath is shallow and I'm vaguely aware of a thermal blanket being draped across my scanty shoulders. I look up and see Winrey in my ambulance. She wont meet my gaze. Ed does though. I nod at him and finally drop my smile. I don't know if I will feel badly later for the man I just killed. I can't even seem to get it through my head that I killed him...but I'm almost proud of it. Some people deserve to suffer. Most people do, but none of them get to. I helped one person get what he deserves though, and that's very satisfying._

_A few hours later, the police are questioning me. I think they are questioning everyone. After a long time I get off with a self-defense...it's not even going to go to court. There were enough witnesses and enough evidence to convince anyone. It's funny how we all unanimously decided to just tell the truth. _

_The hotel worker died. I remember that._

_He was killed by that abominable bastard, Shou. I talk to his mother on the phone at some point. She is crying, telling me not to be sorry. Apparently the front-desk man's boyfriend of thirteen years died a short time ago, leaving him empty and alone. He was only going through the motions of living, she tells me, and he always hoped to do something he could be proud of before he joined his partner on the other side. I sigh when I hang up the phone. Alphonse is better with this emotional stuff. It just leaves me drained._

_Some time later I am finally reunited with Wrath. We both cry I think. Everything starts to clarify a little and I lose my daze when we step back out of the station and into the now six inches of snow. It's completely dark and freezing._

"Where are we going to go now Martel? Back to Texas?" Greed asked, lighting a cigarette and staring at the cloudy sky.

"That's a hell of a drive, if you haven't forgotten Greed. I'd rather sleep on a park bench than try and make it back tonight." She replied, snatching the cigarette from Greed and placing it between her own lips. She then offered it to the others, who all passed. With a shrug she took another drag and handed the smoke back to Greed.

Envy sighed and ran his fingers absently through Wrath's hair. At least the little boy was warm. Envy on the other hand was freezing, but feeling a lot like not talking at all. His thoughts were awash with the memory of he and Wrath's ruined apartment. He wondered if they could even sleep on a bed there now or if it had been broken too.

"Hey, listen...No-one wants to go home tonight, am I right? I mean, most of you guys can't...so...well, you are all welcome to come back to me and Al's place. Theres not a whole lot of guest room, but I think we could all probably use the company tonight..." Ed suggested, as if reading Envy's mind. Still not speaking, Envy shot him a grateful look. Greed looked at Ed a moment and chuckled.

"I suppose, if that's where everyone's going. I want to pick up some beer though..." He said, shoving the cigarette at Envy, who took it with mild disgust. Still, the greenish-haired teen took a long, slow drag and handed it back. It was more a comfort thing than anything, smoking. At least for Envy. He never really did it except for times like this.Ed turned to Winrey and Sheska.

"You guys want to come too? It's a little late to go home and as long as you aren't afraid to sleep around a bunch of guys..." He said. Sheska nodded and uttered a short 'thank you'

Winrey hesitated. "I'm not so sure...I mean...It's not really proper..." She began. Ed laughed.

"What, running around at all hours to save your friend from a psycho killer is? Come on...you trusted them with your life just now, but you cant trust us with letting you sleep?" Even Ed's argument was weak though. Everyone's bodies had taken a thorough beating tonight, as had their souls. Finally Winrey nodded. With that they agreed the best way to get there was to pile into the station wagon. Alphonse took the initiative to drive, since he had been unconscious for the part that seemed to haunt his friends. Arrangements for seating eight were awkward though. After several minutes of tired debating, pride was thrown to the wind. Sheska sat on Winrey's lap. Wrath with Martel, Greed in the front seat and that left Envy and Ed. Too tired to argue or pretend to be modest, Envy climbed into Ed's lap without a second thought. He laughed inwardly as the blond blushed and refused to meet his friend's gaze. The ride was silent. By the time they were halfway home, only Envy and Alphonse were awake. Ed had fallen asleep with his head resting on Envy's shoulder.

'_he must trust me a lot.._.' Envy mused. '_this is the second time he's fallen asleep on me. He knows how I am, but he isn't afraid of being in physical contact with me. It's funny. He looks so sweet when he's like this_.'

"He's an angel when he's sleeping." Al whispered softly, nearly making Envy jump.

"You have a knack for reading minds, you know that?" Envy replied sarcastically.

"It's good to hear you sound like your usual self. Ed was very scared you know."

"Of what?"

"Losing you."

--

Author's Post notes!

Hope you enjoyed! I tried to slow down the pace for these last couple chapters...initially it was a lot like the part at the school during Envy's freakout, where everything happened way too fast. I guess this chapter could have been split into two as well, but I really kind of liked the flow of it.

The hotel worker bit is a funny story...I just couldn't get him off my mind from the chapter before this one. Poor, innocent little guy...why was he working that night and not someone else? Why should he have to die? Maybe I'm too sympathetic, but I had to give him his own little story to explain why he died and show how everything is inter-connected. I originally wrote mr. Hotel worker's part as him having lost his wife...but it didn't feel right. Then I wrote that he lost his long-term boyfriend/life partner and poof...it was perfect. A perfect circle. He helped them out, maybe he sympathized with Envy a little...Then he was rewarded for doing a good thing by finally being able to let go and move on...

I know I know, I'm weird.

Rest in peace, Mr. Hotel worker...

Anyways! I also nodded to cannon Envy in the outfit he ended up wearing and the fact that he called himself a hummonculus. Actually, my excuse for him using that word is simple. He had an assignment on historical science in school once, and chose the theory of Alchemy to write about. He was intrigued by the story of the first hummonculus though. He often chose to call himself one in his mind when he was fighting with long boughts of depression.

Here is an explanation for anyone who really didn't follow in the story...Shou Tucker was married to Dante some many years ago...Dante had two children (Lust, (Tera Reed) and Sloth (Juliette Douglass) ) by another man and when her and Shou were separated she "adopted" a third (Pride (Bradly) ). She and Shou had one child together, (Nina Tucker). When Shou found out about Dante's double life he began to lose his mind. By the time Lust, Sloth and Pride supposedly killed Dante, he believed they were children of the devil and needed to be killed. He killed his daughter to see how it was done, and he continued on to the next generation when he found out that they too had taken sin names.

And now that I am done proving that I think about this story entirely TOO much, Chapter preview? Anyone?

**Chapter 7.5 – Hazy Shade of Winter**

The aftermath of a storm can be both peaceful and horrific. Often times it is both at once. Ed takes Envy to meet someone very important to him. All this pain is bound to take it's toll on the teen sooner or later...Will he bend, or break yet again?

"_What we do is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop was not in the ocean, I think the ocean would be less because of that missing drop"_

DISCLAIMERS!: I don't own FMA. I don't own Eminem for the song title. I do own the hotel worker, though. May he rest in peace...and have hot yaoi love waiting for him in heaven. Amen.


	10. Hazy Shade of Winter

Author's Notes:

Wecome to the next half-chapter installment. I know you probably hate these shortie chapters, but I promise as usual that I will upload the next in a few days time.

I'm not sure if many of you have been busy or if anyone actually dropped reading the story TT I hope the direction I'm taking didn't scare anyone off. If it did, I'm sad that your gone but I'm not sorry...the story is taking it's own path even if no one reads. If you don't know where I'm coming from, it's because I got like...two reviews. Don't get me wrong, if you reviewed it made me really happy I'm just worrying that I'm scareing people off somehow. Ah well, anyway...A warning for those who are continuing to read: From this point inward within the next several chapters the story may (or may not) contain any of the following: Angst, Christmas themed chapter, suggested or light shounen ai, suggested or light shoujo ai. Lighthearted fluff, depression and as usual swearing.

Please stick with me as I will continue to write to the best of my abilities! I have been blocking for almost a weak now, but I think I'm getting better now. I will probably upload the muse fic I have been working on in the meantime while I have been blocked on this one, please don't think I'm quitting.

LOVE YOU ALL! PLEASE ENJOY!

**Chapter 7.5 – Hazy Shade of Winter**

The noonday sun illuminated Edward Elric's bedroom. Envy's eyes slowly opened, blinking away the last curls of sleep as the previous night's memories flooded back to him. The fight, the ride home...everything. When they had finally gotten to the Elric household, they had all gathered in Edward's room to sit for a while, each one slowly nodding off to sleep. Nobody had volunteered to or suggested moving to another room. Instead they had all crashed in various places around the bedroom. Envy laid perfectly still even though he was awake. He stared at the far wall until his depth perception returned and the forms of Greed and Martel became less blurry. They were curled around each other. Greed had fallen asleep sitting up against the wall of the room '_That dork._' Envy thought to himself. Martel had been sitting in front of him and was now snaked across his lap, snoring gently.

A little closer slept two forms. Envy couldn't tell where blond met brunette in the close-knit tangled mass that was Sheska and Winrey. '_I sometimes wonder about those two._..' Envy noted. Directly in front of him was Wrath, breathing softly against his chest. He sighed, twitching his fingers and then running them through his brother's hair. He winced as he remembered just how much had happened the night before and wondered how it would effect the little guy. Envy's eyes fluttered shut again, dozing until he felt movement against his back. Suddenly cold air rushed against the newly exposed skin and skintight fabric. He rolled over, careful not to disturb the sleeping Wrath in his arms. Edward was sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes slowly with his flesh hand. Envy remembered last night. How when they returned home Edward had given up hiding his prosthetics out of sheer tiredness. Still he hadn't taken them off, opting to sleep with his arm and leg still attached. Envy smiled slightly at how the little bit of metal sticking out from Ed's missing shoulder glinted in the sunlight. Ed's hand reached around behind him to pull the hairband from the ends of his hair. It had nearly come out during the night. He tried to replace it, but his fingers were clumsy in the early-morning stupor the previous nights stress had caused. Carefully Envy rose and deftly he took the rubber band from Edward, his other hand on the boy's shoulder to silence any protests. He ran his fingers quickly through the teen's yellow locks and he put it up in a soft ponytail at the base of Ed's neck. The boy sighed and turned.

"Sorry if I bothered you last night. I'm only used to having Al in my bed, so I can get a little...snuggle..ley.." He mumbled, his words slurred with sleepiness. "I put you next to me on purpose because I didn't really know anyone else and Al fell asleep in the chair." He nodded toward an armchair in the corner of the room with a blanket haphazardly thrown over it.

"S'okay Ed-o..." Envy said, looking down. He still didn't feel like saying much. Whenever he opened his mouth to speak he felt sick, ever since last night. No more words seemed necessary as they both rose and moved towards the door. Envy looked back one more time to find Wrath had turned over and was now snoozing against Sheska's back. With that he followed his friend down the stairs and into the kitchen. Something smelled good and Envy close his eyes as he stepped in. Pancakes. He opened his eyes and saw Alphonse humming happily to himself while pouring batter onto a sizzling pan. Envy nearly fell down as he collided with Ed who had stopped suddenly in front of the kitchen door. The older teen looked up, eager to find out what Ed had stopped for. He immediately regretted it and took a hesitant step back.

"I..Izumi..?" He stuttered. The woman was reading a newspaper at the Elric's kitchen table and sipping coffee from a small blue mug. Slowly she turned and met eyes with Edward and Envy. Both boys were frozen in place. Izumi had a deadly serious look on her face as she rose and stalked towards them. Ed backed up until he was right next to Envy. The first blow struck the dark-haired teen, a flat-handed slap to the face. The second blow was the back of her hand against the blond's cheek with equal force.

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T EITHER OF YOU TWO IDIOTS CALL ME?! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!" She barked, somehow causing more hurt than being slapped in the face. Both teens gave her a shocked and slightly ashamed look. With a suddenness that made them both gasp, one arm was hooked around either of their necks, pulling them into a tight embrace (And pulled Envy down a little to match Ed's height).

"Next time...don't be so rash. Please...I can't...survive losing any more children..." She whispered into their ears. Ed hooked one flesh arm around Izumi's shoulder. Envy did the same on the other side. "Please don't be so reckless with your lives."

After a few moments she released them so that they could all sit at the table. Edward turned to his brother.

"Hey...How come Al didn't get-" He began, but his question was answered when Al turned his head to the side. He too, had a fading red mark where Izumi must have slapped him.

Silence engulfed the room while they ate. For as sick and distant as he felt, Envy found it easy to stomach several pancakes, convincing him once again that it was probably all in his head. He got up to clear his plate. Edward quickly followed suit, grabbing Envy gently by his uninjured wrist before the teen had a chance to return to the table.

"Hey...um...will you go somewhere...with me later?" He asked. It struck Envy as odd, how shyly Edward was asking about this, but then again, he wasn't exactly in a position to talk about people not acting like themselves. He nodded slowly.

"I...let me take a shower first..." He said.

--

Envy stepped out of the shower, dried his hair to the best of his abilities (without having a blow dryer or an iron) and grabbed the clothes Alphonse had picked out for him to change into. The pants were (thankfully) long enough, due to the fact that Al was only a few inches shorter than himself and wore his clothes a little looser than he or Edward. The long sleeve shirt he was left was blue and black striped. Envy actually liked it a little, and it was warm. He assumed Alphonse had taken the clothing he had been wearing before as it was no longer in front of the door where he had left it. 'Good riddance.' he thought to himself. He didn't think he could ever see himself like that again. What happened that night was something incredibly inhuman...

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in." Envy replied, surprised at how weak his own voice still sounded. The door creaked open and a pair of large, amethyst eyes peered at him from under a mane of black. "Hi Wrath..." Envy said, relaxing a little to know it was just Wrath. The little one slipped inside and closed the door behind him. He was still wearing his clothes from the night before, sans the jacket, and his hair was a mess. As he got closer Envy noticed something in the boy's eyes...they looked lost, distant. Scared. Envy got his feet and cross the room, griping wrath by the shoulders. "What's wrong...are you okay?" Wrath shook his head. He bit his lip before tears formed in his eyes.

"I'm sorry!" He cried suddenly, falling into Envy's arms. The teen caught him with ease, still looking rather confused and worried.

"About what?" He asked.

"You told me to be strong yesterday...and I tried really really hard...and..." He cried, burying his face into his brother's arm. Envy waited patiently for the heaving sobs to cease. "And...I just can't anymore...I've been trying and.." Wrath hiccuped, trying to regain his breath.

"Breath..." Envy instructed.

"Can I please stop being strong now?" Wrath asked. Envy pulled him up to meet his gaze.

"I...had no idea. I'm sorry Wrath. I didn't know you were trying to be strong this whole time! I only meant for you to tough it out until we were safe from Tucker...I'm so sorry...my little brother." He pulled Wrath close to him. "You don't have to be strong anymore...It's okay. You don't have to be tough...I've gotcha, and you know what? So does Izumi...and Al...and Ed-o...and even Sheska. Shh...its okay...it's okay." Envy comforted. He was on the verge of tears himself. Emotions mixed inside him...anger at himself for not being good enough to keep Wrath from danger, at no knowing how to deal...at wanting to break down himself right now. He kept it all in though. It was important to calm Wrath down right now...

Finally after some time Wrath's crying stopped, and so did his shaking. Envy knew, even as he stood to leave the room, that this was not the end of the aftermath for his little brother. There would be long-term repercussions for this tragedy. Envy had no idea how he was going to deal with them, either. Envy stepped out of the bedroom again, Envy following him. Izumi was on the couch in the living room and Ed was putting his shoes on. He had already gotten ready to go and gave Envy a distant smile when he spotted him. Izumi got up.

"Here...so you don't freeze to death with no fat on your poor bones." Izumi said quietly. She unfolded a sweater that had been sitting on the coffee table. "I made it for you...it's your early Christmas present. I was bringing it over to you when I realized what had happened." She explained. Envy almost never liked sweaters, but this one was just about perfect. It was a long one, tunic-style with a belt sewn to it. The neckline was loose and exposed one shoulder of his undershirt. The sweater was solid black and fit him perfectly.

"Th...thanks 'zumi...I really like it..." He admitted, a pale pink tinging his cheeks. He was far not used to receiving gifts.

"Come on, Wrath...your brother and Edward are going out...want me to read you a book?" Izumi said, meeting Envy's gaze with a steady, knowing look. Envy gave her a thankful smile as Wrath nodded. He slipped from behind his brother to cling to Izumi's shirt-tails. Envy watched as she sat with his little brother and began to read a children's book she had brought.

At length, Edward dragged him away. They stepped out off the porch. It was still snowing, and everything was covered in a perfectly even layer of white. Their tracks from stumbling home were gone...the whole world buried in a traceless perfect white.

--

"I hope you don't mind...I found out when Sheska looked you up." Ed said, not meeting Envy's eyes. They were at the gates of a large, beautiful cemetery. "Actually...I came for myself too. My Mom is here...I thought you might like to...meet her." He admitted. Envy nodded slowly but still said nothing. He hadn't said more than a few sentences since the early morning, which was unusual for the talkative teen. His eyes scanned over the familiar landscape. Yes he knew this place all too well. Somewhere among these graves was one with the name "Juliette Douglass" upon it. When Envy looked back, Edward was already trudging up a path he obviously knew well. He followed at some distance until Ed stopped, looking back at him until he caught up. There was something about the absolute silence that made Envy feel peacefully suppressed, like being under a blanket after a very long day. They walked together in silence, angels and stone tombs staring silently at them with engraved eyes. Finally they came to a small headstone next to a large tree. Edward's gloved hand brushed the snow from the angled stone, revealing a copper plate. There was an image of a beautiful woman on it, and underneath was the name Trishia S. Elric, just above the dates she had lived and died. At the bottom was a quote.

"What we do is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop was not in the ocean, I think the ocean would be less because of that missing drop"

Envy read it slowly. His eyes fell on the engraved image of Edward's Mother once again, then turned his gaze to realize Edward was watching him. The blond turned to the stone and knelt before it, placing his fingertips on the quote.

"Mom loved mother Teresa. This is the quote she always said to us, right Mom?" He said. His voice was soft and edged with an amazing peace. "She also used to say '**_We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of feeling unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty_****." **

The words struck a chord somewhere inside of Envy's heart, even as numb as he felt right now. He opened his mouth to speak, but Edward was already talking to someone else.

"Sorry it's been so long Mom...It's been pretty busy. Al wanted me to tell you hello for him." Edward was speaking to the gravestone, stroking it gently along the edges like an old friend who was still resting on an early morning, or like an elderly loved one who was sleeping. "I'm sure you saw what happened last night...kind of scary, facing my own death like that, but we all survived. We still haven't heard from Dad except to get his checks in the mail. I'm doing good in school, for the most part. I have made a couple new friends...I brought one of them to meet you..." He paused, motioning for Envy to come over. The black-haired teen hesitated, but with a little more encouragement from Edward, he knelt in the snow in front of the headstone. "This is Envy, Mom...I think you would have liked him.

"I don't know about all that." Envy said slowly, staring at the ground.

"Nonsense," Ed turned to his friend. "Mom would have loved you...See, Envy...You know how Al is? How he looks at everyone with those eyes unguarded by hatred, fear or anger...or judgment? How he is content to just be, to just smile and love...He's the spitting image of Mom. He's so much like her...it makes me happy and sad at the same time." He turned his attention back to his 'mother'. "Isn't that right Mom? Al always was yours...I was always so much like Dad. I don't know how we are making it without either of you. Sometimes I wish I knew how to fix you...but that's foolish. I was going to bring flowers this time, but it's too cold...I think they would die. I will bring some next time, I promise...please continue to bless me, Al and our new friends." He said. Envy couldn't help but watch the younger teen. It was amazing how he spoke without reserve as if his mother were as plain as day right there. Still, Envy hadn't seen his own mother's grave once since she had died, even though it was so close. He dreaded it somewhere in the pit of his stomach.

"Hey, Envy?" Ed asked. "Do you mind if I say hello to your Mom too? I want to tell her something..." Envy saw it coming. He nodded slowly and stood, offering a hand to his friend who gladly accepted it. He walked. He knew where the grave was, he just hadn't ever been there.

--

_I glance over at Edward as we walk. He actually has a small smile on his face. Something feels strange in my stomach and my throat as we get closer, approaching the absolutely plain headstone. It looks small and lonely here, but sure enough her name is written on it. I pause, thinking of everything that's happened. Ed's footsteps stop in the snow too, and he turns to look at me. His eyes are locked on mine and it's as if I can see into his mind, and he can see into mine. His thoughts burrow into mine. It can feel him reading my pain. I can feel it all coming to the surface under that gaze of his. He's looking at me knowing what it's like to know you don't have parents. He knows what it's like to realize that no one is going to catch you when you fall now. That feeling of all the safety nets and training wheels being ripped away from you. We are still children...only children in this huge, dangerous world, made only more dangerous by the mistakes of the past. I can feel my face grow hot as all my mistakes run through my mind at once. I am powerless against the stinging in my eyes, twinging in my nose. My lower lip quivers and my legs want to give out as the world sinks out from under me. The sight of her grave drives me over the edge and I break. I'm on my knees again in the snow. I suffocate for a moment before taking a sharp breath of icy air into my lungs. I realize she's really gone...that they all are. It wasn't really real until now._

_Nothing seemed real until just now. It was all some crazy dream to me, but realize all in one painful moment that it's not some sick storybook...I watched the knife plunge into my mother's body over and over...I watched as blood poured from her mouth, as her eyes glazed over with the turn of death and I felt Wrath wailing in my arms as I was forced to flee from my only mother's dying moments. I'm crying openly now, tears landing in the snow a burrowing their way into the cold flakes. Suddenly I hear something crunch in front of me. I fall forward, trusting blindly that he's there to catch me. My arms wrap tightly around his waist and into the soft front of his jacket I lose myself to my manic tears._

"_She's really gone...I'm...completely alone, Ed. No-one is going to take care of me now...No-one is ever going to take care of me. I can't take care of myself forever Ed, I just can't. I'm so fucked up...how can I ever expect to be good enough to raise my brother, how? Who's going to watch me grow up? Who is...who is going to be proud of me when I graduate highschool? Who's going to meet my first boyfriend? Who will I go to...when I don't know what to do? I ca...i caha...hic..." I cant even finish my sentence. My face is soaked and my chest shudders with every breath. Edward pets my head softly. I mutter inaudible things, ranting about how I am ashamed of myself for killing a man. How I don't know what's wrong or right...how I wish I could just be a child instead of having to try so damn hard to be an adult. Ed is very patient, and that makes me even more upset. I apologize again and again through my sobs. I'm completely lost...like a baby. My hands are bunched up in Ed's jacket as I slide sideways, nearly in hysterics. I don't want to hear it's all going to be okay. I don't want to grow up and stop acting like a child. I want to cry...I just want to cry. I don't want to be full of hatred. I don't want to blow drama up bigger than it should be, i just want to be allowed to feel the things that have happened to me..._

"_I don't want to feel like I deserve this pain anymore. I don't deserve it...do I?" I plead, hoping to anyone he doesn't say yes. I look up into his face. I must look an awful mess now, my eyes all red and my nose is probably pink and shiny. My face is probably tear-streaked and wet. I can taste the salt as tears roll over my lips. I know it's not a time for vanity, but I feel so insecure under his gaze._

"No-one deserves this, Envy. No matter what. But things like this...they happen. Bad things happen to good people sometimes..." Edward's eyes brimmed with tears as well as he held his friend.

"I'm sorry..." Envy muttered again, wiping his eyes off with the now damp edges of his sweater.

"Don't appologize...Envy...I won't ever run away from your emotions, no matter what they are, so quit being afraid that I will." Ed said. His tone could have been mistaken for harsh, if the statement hadn't meant so much.

At length they both finally rise, just to stop in front of the grave marked "Juliette Douglass" Ed looked at his friend, who nodded.

"Hi there, Mrs. Douglass...I'm Edward Elric. I'm a friend of your son, Envy. It's nice to finally meet you. I wanted to tell you something very important. You should be very proud of your children. They have done...so well. They've had to face some tough things, but they have pulled through it and they're alive. Envy is doing a great job taking care of Wrath. I promise to bring you some flowers next time I come. Oh, and you should be proud of your nephew. Him and his friend saved our lives. Please continue to watch over us all." He finished, nodding to the headstone. He rose, and Envy took the signal, standing on numb and wobbling legs. Ed's hand shot out to catch the other teen's elbow and steady him. When they were both ready they walked back towards the gate.

"How do you do it?" Envy asked quietly as they walked

"Do...what?" Ed replied, puzzled.

"Talk to them like that...and feel better? How can you..." Envy waved his hands in the air before them, trying to get the word to come to his mind. "Make it seem like they are really here?" Edward shrugged.

"I just do? I don't know...I guess I just have. I relied on Mom to get me through her own death if that makes sense...I sort of...just kept talking to her even after she was gone, if only to have someone to talk to." He explained. Envy stopped walking.

"C...can I...say something to your Mother?" Envy asked hesitantly. Ed blinked at him a moment and then smiled.

"Yeah! Just...turn up this way..." He showed Envy the path they had taken earlier and guided him to Trishia's headstone. Envy stood before it, looking quite nervous.

"I um...hello...Mrs. Trishia. I um...think we have met before. You see..er..." he paused to look at Edward, who held his palm out in an encouraging way, as if to say 'go on' Envy looked back at the stone image of Ed's mother. "You were a good friend of my Mother's quite some time back, when I was little. She would keep your emergancy medicine for you at her house. Well, I took the bottle when we cleaned out our old house after Mom...died. I had some a while back and it freaked me out. I'm sorry for that but...it made me...realize who my friends were, so um...thanks I guess." He stopped, fidgeting with his fingers until something seemed to pop into his head. "Oh, and I have a favor to ask of you. If, wherever you are, you meet the hotel clerk on the other side...tell him...thanks. For everything. He did a wonderful and kind thing. Please give him and his boyfriend our reguards." With that Envy nodded and stood. He placed one hand on the grave before walking back to Ed. They began the long trip home, walking in a peaceful silence the whole way.

--

Author's Post-notes

This was a very hard chapter for me to write. I cried, a lot...

It hits home because two years, three months ago my mom died due to complications from cancer. Everything Envy thinks about his mother, I have felt in my real world. This whole scene was mostly an expression and realization of the breakdowns I have had. I've been there, that is what it's like for someone who is close to their parent(s) to lose one. My mother was my everything, I still feel broken without her, but somehow writing this chapter...it made me feel like I was able to let go somewhat more.

So thank you, those of you who shared this with me (and Envy ;) and Ed...) I feel like I'm discovering myself writing this.

So, On to the usuals!!

Next Chapter!

**Chapter 8 – What's this life for?:**

Someone wise once said "The breakdown always comes before the breakthrough..." This fact can be true in many respects. When you've been through so much...something has got to give eventually. No-one is unshakable.

Winrey returns home and must face her Grandmother...but even more frightening, herself.

Envy knows little about the enigmatic Riza who always hovers near Roy Mustang, Ed's half-asian non-friend. A chance encounter could be his chance to understand a little more about her... And who is this unusual group of people approaching Envy out of nowhere?

"_I don't want to ask him! Why do you guys always make me do stuff!"_

"_Listen, someone needs to ask him, I'm pretty sure if we have him people will take this more seriously."_

_--_

DISCLAIMERS! DO NOT OWN: FMA, the graveyard, Mother Theresa, or the Bangles, who sing the ABSOLUTELY AMAZING song Hazy Shade of Winter (I have been in love with that song since I was ten.)

LOVE YOU ALL!

Please review! i live to hear from readers and I reply to every signed review!


	11. What's this Life For?

**_Author's Notes!_**

_Chapter Eight! DIE WRITERS BLOCK DIE! What? A coffee shop makes a great muse? OMG...I STARTED WRITING AGAIN! I'm currently writing chapter 12, I murdered my Writer's block. See I hate to upload a chapter when I'm blocked, even if the chapter is ready to go. Why? Because I don't want to catch up with myself. That way, if I'm working on chap 12, and something in chap 10 needs to be changed so the story is consistent, I can go back and fix it. Wonderful, huh? Well, I'm writing again. That's the important thing._

_Things slow down a little in this chapter...It's sort of little mini-stories that contribute to the main plot._

_Warnings: swearing (duh) Gay temporary original characters (literally?)_

******Chapter 8 – What's this life for?**

"So, my dear granddaughter returns to me, fairly unharmed I trust?"

Izumi nodded in reply to the small old woman before her. She had offered to drive Winrey back home due to the girl's still depressed condition. Granny Pinako Rockbell stood a touch shorter than Edward in height. She wore her hair in a bun at the back of her head and presently puffed on a long pipe. Still for her average and harmless appearance, she had very much the same presence as Izumi herself did. She stood eying Izumi and her own granddaughter with the same even stare she seemed to give everything.

"I'm really sorry grandma." Winrey said softly, not looking up far enough to meet her grandmother's gaze. Pinako sighed slowly, smoke pouring from her mouth as she did so. "It's a really long story...but-"

"Don't worry, Izumi has informed me of absolutely everything." Pinako interjected. Winrey winced. The older woman turned her gaze to Izumi now. "Nice to finally see you again. Where has my old drinking buddy been all this year long?" She asked, fixing Izumi with a wry smile.

"Very, very busy. Running heard on Envy, his brother and the Elric boys has been taking up most of my time lately." Izumi replied. Winrey said nothing, but stood with her hands clasped in from of her.

"Well, come inside and have some tea...we need to talk anyway. Winrey?" Pinako said, sounding a little tired.

"Yes grandma?" Winrey replied.

"Don't pressure yourself to feel punished...this whole experience happened for a reason and the things that happened are far more than enough punishment for disappearing for a night. Next time you feel like going after a murderer though,"

"Don't?" Winrey interrupted, trying to predict her Grandmother's words.

"No." Pinako laughed. "take a gun." She said simply.

--

"She going to be alright?" Izumi said quietly as Pinako clicked on the lights for the kitchen. She motioned towards the living room where Winrey sat, staring at a blank television screen as if there were a program on.

"She will be fine. If anything this is the wake-up call she needed." Pinako sighed as she put a kettle on and hoisted herself onto a kitchen chair. Izumi joined her at the table, placing her head in one graceful but strong hand. "She's been on a strange tangent for some time now...she can't seem to think outside of her own social box that she has created. First it was Garfiel, then N.V...Envy I guess it's pronounced now? That boy was like the sister she never had...They were inseparable. I remember having to chase N.V. off with a soup ladle to get him to go home after he had spent the night four or five days in a row." The old woman laughed, lighting up another pipe.

"So he's always been a handful then? That's good, I was beginning to think that I only came in on the start of his ornery stage." Izumi laughed. The tea kettle boiled and Pinako fixed them both a cup before settling back down.

"Always. Those Elric boys haven't ever been a picnic in the park either, but I've done what I can for them...their pretty tough in their own right, if not a little stubborn. Well, at least Edward, Alphonse is nearly his mother already. I'm really sad to hear about everything that happened last night. That's too much for children to have to deal with."

"Yes, but if any of them can those boys will. And that girl friend of Winrey's...what's her name, Sheska?" Izumi said, chuckling a little. "Good tea, by the way...your own blend?"

"Yes, it is, thank you. I know Sheska, she has been spending a lot of time over here lately. Quite honestly I think she is good for Winrey. Balancing her out a little, giving her a dose of reality."

"It's too bad, I think they all had a little too much reality."

"So where are they all, anyway, do you think it's okay for them to be alone right now?" Pinako took a long sip of her tea, before deciding it wasn't sweet enough and adding another package of sugar.

"Edward and Alphonse are helping Envy salvage what's left of he and Wrath's old apartment. They are all going to move in together at the Elric's house for a while. Ed and Al are going to share a room like they used to when their dad was there, and Envy and Wrath are going to take the other room. Envy's older cousin and his girlfriend are watching over Wrath until the boys get back." Izumi explained.

"How is the little brother coping?" the older woman asked. She didn't seem concerned with the strange nature of the boy's names or any of the mystery surrounding the serial killer that had just been after them. Time seemed to have jaded the woman to all strangeness or shock and she simply took everything in her stride.

"He's doing surprisingly well. He's still young, he springs back easily, though I think the effects will show more in his ability to cope socially in later years...Envy and I are going to have to work together to help him through that. I'm actually more concerned with how this is going to effect Envy. He hasn't ever killed anyone before this. His first time, it could scar him for quite some time. I know it did me." Izumi took a long deep breath and rubbed her forehead.

"I know, Izumi. I know. It's hard to watch someone else go through atrocities you have seen for yourself." The elder Rockbell placed her small hand over Izumi's other one, patting it slightly.

"Does she know? Winrey, does she know about her parents? About..."

"No. She was never told that the incident was gang-related. She believes they were shot in a random drive-by. When they were comatose, she became very devoutly religious. I think that was about the time she started purging everything in her life that could be considered sin. A rough way to go about it that left her with no friends when her parents finally passed away. She seemed to think if she believed hard enough she could pretend she was someone else, someone who could bring her parents back to life through perfection. After they died well...I think she found some negative ways of coping. She only talks to me so much." Pinako explained.

"I see. The effect cascaded. In any case...I should head back so that Greed and Martel can make it back to Texas before nightfall." Izumi stood, finishing off her tea and rinsing her cup.

"Too bad you can't stay. You and me should really go to a bar some time, for old times sake." Pinako replied with a wink.

"I'd like that very much. If I can ever leave these children alone for five minutes consider it a set date." Izumi laughed.

--

After the goodbyes had been said, Pinako returned to the living room. Winrey was still sitting silently staring into space. She had changed into a pair of white pants and a black tank top and had her knees pulled up to her chin. Occasionally a tear would roll down her face to join the small wet spot she was making on her knee. She paused and sniffed, wiping her face on the back of her hand. Pinako sighed and sat in the chair by the arm of the couch.

"What's bothering you now my dear?" She asked slowly, waiting patiently as Winrey tried to stop crying.

"I...I'm so very confused Grandma. I haven't got any idea what to think of pretty much anything. Everything I thought was right was proven wrong and now seems right again. I don't know what's the truth and what's lies. I have heard a thousand things that all conflict with each other...I'm just...so confused..." the girl said, finally wailing by the end of her sentence. She gasped and whimpered as more tears came unbidden. Pinako looked down for a moment before turning towards her granddaughter.

"Welcome to the world of making your own choices, Winrey. You can't follow the rights and wrongs of others forever, or else you become a sheep in a heard of sheep. You have to trust your own heart, no matter how confused it may feel. What you thought was wrong may not be so wrong. What you thought was acceptable may not really be okay. Try living that way for a while."

"But what if it does no good? I really...want Envy to forgive me, but if I tell him I'm...If I tell him what I told you the other night, he will think I am the biggest hypocrite..."

"Give him time...he will find out sooner or later. Just wait for his forgiveness, you will be surprised."

"Can I even think of him as a good person? Granny, he killed someone..."

"He killed someone who was trying to kill him, and his family. Defending what you love is rarely a sin."

Winrey said nothing in reply, but nodded slowly. She had a lot of thinking to do.

--

--

A few days later, in the schoolyard of California's most populated school...

--

"Fucking...cold." Was all Envy could manage through a deep shiver. He was curled double, knees at his chest and arms wrapped tightly around himself. His back was pressed against the gym building as he tried to conserve as much warmth as he could in the uniform short-sleeve tee shirt and gym pants he wore. He bit his lip as another shiver leapt through his spine. "D..d.damnit..." He stammered as his bottom jaw chattered of his own accord. "S..st..tup..pp p p id f.f.f.fucking c.cc...coach..."

"Hm..?" a female voice sounded only slightly startled next to him as the door opened from the girl's locker rooms. Envy glanced out of the corner of his eyes to see who it was staring at him now. "Aren't you Envy?" The girl asked. Her voice was stern but not cruel. She was a fairly pretty girl, if not a little fierce looking. She wore blond hair up in a clip and had on the school uniform for outdoor activities. Classic gray hooded jacket, sweatpants and tennis shoes. She looked terribly familiar but for all his distraction Envy couldn't quite place it. In her hand she held a compound bow, in the other a box of arrows and a small fold-up target. Archery club? Who did he know that was a marksman...Finally it clicked.

"R...Riza right?" He stammered, swearing inwardly. He must look pretty weak right now, curled up and shaking like a junkie.

"Why are you out here? It's freezing, and without a jacket?" She asked, ignoring the glare Envy was trying to send her. She wasn't to be scared off, that was sure, even though the rumor of Envy's activities with the serial killer and the hotel had been spread like wildfire over the school. It seemed now that everyone had a different story to tell, each more incredible and frightening than the last. Envy was once again the one to be feared. He opened his mouth to answer, but all that came out was a stifled chatter. He stared straight ahead instead, refusing to answer if all he could do was stutter.

"Would you be willing to wear a girl's jacket? I don't wear it when I'm shooting anyway." Riza said, already removing her jacket to drape it around Envy's shaking shoulders. With a slightly confused glance he nodded his thanks and shoved his arms into the sleeves of the jacket and wrapped them around himself once more. Riza leaned against the wall and waited for the boy to warm a little. After several minutes she turned to him again.

"So...gonna tell me how you ended up staying out here shivering in the cold?" She said, her tone unreadable.

"Coach. I came to P.E. for once, but I was wearing my own jacket since I haven't ever been able to buy a school standard one. Up until now I haven't needed one. My jacket is a green knit one with a pink stripe. Coach said it was unacceptable and took it from me. It was okay while I was running and exercising with the others but once class was over and I had to sit out here and wait I got really cold." He explained, feeling warmth seeping back into his limbs.

"What? Why didn't you go shower with the others?" Riza asked, sounding a little surprised now. Envy laughed sarcastically.

"I haven't been allowed to shower with the boys since middle school. Coach doesn't like me at all, and since I would be 'looking' it's not fair to the other boys to let me in there when their all naked. Not like any of them are worth looking at." He relaxed a little, warming up now. He could see his breath as he spoke in little puffs.

"That's not fair in the least. Why haven't you gone to the school board about it?" Riza asked. She started to string her bow and inspect her arrows.

"Like they care. Besides, until now I always skipped on what few cold days there were. This weather is just strange." He said, nodding towards the track before them.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Keep the jacket. He can't harass you about it, the dress code doesn't define what gender jackets you can wear. I know, I have an older cousin who wore the boy's jacket all through high school here. And if the coach wants to hassle you about it he can take it before the board and you can tell them your side of it or you can exchange P.E. with an athletic club like I did." She said, giving him a small smile before walking out into the center of the track circle to set up her target. Envy stood and followed her slowly, glancing back to see if the boys from his homeroom had come out of the showers yet so he could go in. Riza started her stretches to warm up her muscles.

"I see. Where's the rest of the Archery club?" He asked nonchalantly as he climbed up onto one of the pieces of equipment opposite from the make-shift shooting range. Riza grabbed an arrow and drew her bow.

"Probably skipping because of the cold."

"What about you?"

"I can't let myself get rusty." She let the arrow fly. It whizzed through the chilly air and struck the target almost dead center. Envy shivered, but this time not from the cold. There was an intensity in Riza's eyes...it was almost unnerving. A murmuring echoed from the other side of the gymnasium, signaling that the sophomore boys had finished in the showers and were heading back towards the school for free period. Envy leapt down from his seat, flinching as another arrow struck it's target almost exactly where intended.

"Thanks...um...are you sure I can keep this? I don't want to take your jacket..." He said. Riza shook her head.

"It's okay. I'm getting Archery club ones made, and those will be standard. I don't wear a jacket at practice anyway because it messes up my shot." She said, dismissing it with a wave of her hand.

"Well...thanks." Envy said a little awkwardly, turning away from her and heading for the showers.

--

The bell rang, signaling the end of the last period. Students poured out of their final classes, their moods reasonably lightened since the final bell meant the last of classes until after the new year. Several groups of teens gathered together and were already proclaiming loudly their Christmas break plans. Envy filed in, several paces behind the majority of the student body. He walked at a leisurely pace, allowing almost all the students from his floor to overtake him. Somewhere ahead of him two other teens waited by their classroom door.

"Hey Envy." Ed said as the black-haired boy stopped short of the Elrics where they stood. Envy nodded his hello, smiling a little. He was dressed today in black jeans with several large tears and holes in them and a skin fitting black shirt with an amazing number of silver and black accessories. His jewelry had made it through the disaster fairly well. In fact, most of what was destroyed was their furniture. He and Wrath had moved into the Elric's downstairs bedroom, bringing everything that survived with them in just a couple of boxes. Envy still wasn't sure if it was alright to mooch off of them like that, but several hours of convincing had swayed his opinion enough to make him actually move them in for the time being. Greed and Martel had spend the last two days staying with them as well, making the household quite cramped, but not unpleasantly so. In fact, Alphonse seemed to be enjoying the company.

The three began walking together down the mostly empty hallways.

"I need to go to my locker in the J building..." Envy said. The brother's nodded together and they set off across the lawn.

"So what do you guys want to do for Christmas? I was thinking we could decorate the house, Wrath might like that right?" Al said, smiling broadly. Ed however dropped his gaze to the ground. "Sorry brother...I know it still bothers you a little..."

"So, Christmas was your Mom's thing? Our mother loved to decorate, too." Envy added.

"It's settled then. Edward, quit being a stick in the mud. Mom wouldn't be happy if she knew we were still sulking about it at the holidays, especially with house guests!" Alphonse said finally, giving his brother a prod in the shoulder. Ed sighed.

"I guess your right, Al...We could get the old decorations down from the attic...and that fake tree you begged dad to get! Can you believe it? As soon as Al realized that cutting down a tree meant killing it, he started crying until out Father promised to buy a fake one instead." Ed chuckled. Envy noted how only Al could really get away with making his stubborn older brother do anything. They entered a hallway lined with a large number of lockers arranged in rows.

"Don't tell embarrassing stories brother." Al halfheartedly scolded. Envy counted the rows until he reached the one he was looking for. Four lockers in he unlocked his with a quiet click and dumped his books inside. Due to the delay they had taken there were only a few students in the locker hall. Envy was suddenly aware of several eyes on his back that didn't belong to his friends. He glanced behind him and a few people sank back behind another row of lockers. He could just make out their faint voices.

"I don't want to ask him! Why do you guys always make me do it! May, this isn't funny..."

"Listen, someone needs to ask him, I'm pretty sure if we have his signature people will take this more seriously, Jo..." That must have been "may"

"But what if he's not actually...you know. I mean, there are too many different kinds of rumors to believe." The girl who had been called "jo" replied.

"God, you two are such femmes. Seriously, it's completely obvious to anyone with half a gaydar." This time the voice was a new one, deep but female.

"I don't blame her Suzu. After everything that's happened..." That was yet another voice. A male one with a slight emphasis on the S sound. He definitely sounded gay. Envy couldn't help but wonder if they were talking about him.

"Your a junior, Rorie. You've seen more of him than us freshman...do you think it's safe?" It was the first girl who spoke now, Jo.

"I trust _her _judgment though, guys, she does know him personally. So approach him already, Jo. After all, we are all here to back you up if anything happens..." The male, Rorie, replied.

"I'm too scared. I can't do it." Jo said finally.

"Fine. Never send a femme to do a butch's job anyway." It was Suzu who ended it. Envy still stared at the wall he could hear them through, as did Edward and Alphonse having caught the end of the hushed argument. Someone rounded the corner. Envy stood a head taller than her, and she had short black hair cut like a boy's. She wore a gray flannel shirt over a black tee shirt and baggy pants. Her tough demeanor changed quickly when she came within a few feet of Envy, who turned to her with a hand planted firmly on his hip.

"Can I help you?" He asked after several moments of silence.

"I erm...We...at the...um..." The teen stammered. Envy guessed she must be in his year. She actually looked kind of familiar. "The...there is...um.." Another girl stomped around the corner. She had a more feminine appearance than Suzu. Tall with curly brown hair and earth-toned clothes, her expression was annoyed but smug.

"What dear tough-guy Suzu is trying to say is: Hi. My name is May, and we are representing the school LGBQT community club." She explained. '_that's where I remember these girls from. They are lesbians..I had a run in with one of the kids harassing members of their club freshman year._' Envy thought to himself.

"We have a petition going to overturn the ban on same-sex dancing at the upcoming New Years dance." Suzu picked up, having gotten over her initial start. Envy glanced up. A tall male student from Junior year and a small, shy looking girl with a baseball cap on were peering around the corner. He shot them a quick glare, sending them both ducking behind the lockers once more.

"We wanted to know if you would sign it...seeing as how your um...one of the more influential...er...people like...that...and..." May lost her confidence under Envy's violet gaze.

"Influential huh? That's a polite way to put it. You want to use my name to blackmail the teachers? Or is it that you think all the other gays in the school will sign if they see that I did? That's a good one. I'm not a trend setter whatever you may believe." Envy said, a little less than polite. The girls stared at him, at a sort of loss. Edward stepped forward, leaning in to take the clipboard from Suzu's stunned fingers.

"I'll sign." He said, putting his name at the bottom of the list.

"Ed-o, you know what kind of reputation putting your name on there is going to give you, right?" Envy inquired.

"Yeah, I know. Just like I said before, I'm not worried about reputation. What's one signature anyway."

"Here, I'll sign too." Alphonse said, taking the clipboard now.

"You know this thing isn't going to work. The school board doesn't give a damn about student protests." Envy said finally, taking the paper and scrawling his name onto impatiently. "There. You have my support, but like I said, your going to have to do a hell of a lot more than quietly gather signatures. Peaceful protests never get the job done." He said finally, walking away from them with the Elric brothers on his heels.

--

The door labeled "LGBTQ Community Club" Creaked open. Rorie, May, Jo and Suzu filed in.

"You were right...He did sign it. He didn't seem too happy about the protest though." Suzu explained.

"I know, I didn't think he would be. Envy has never been one to do things peacefully."

"Funny, he said the same thing." Rorie said with a soft laugh, moving to sit on a desk. "So what are we going to do?"

"Wait and see I guess...You didn't tell anyone it's me trying to do this though, right?"

"Not at all...Why do you want to keep it a secret though? We really haven't suffered that much persecution..." May said, leaning on Suzu's shoulder and placing a small kiss on the girl's cheek.

"It's nothing like that...I'm just waiting until she's ready...I don't want to mess things up for her or us..."

"Makes sense I guess. Still...I worry about you tryin' so hard girl." Rorie said.

"I'm okay!"

"Whatever you say, Sheska...Whatever you say."

**--**

Post notes!

_Wow! Little things add up to big pieces of the puzzle. Sorry if this chapter seems like a tease, I had to have these things happen in order to have other things happen later._

_Riza's an archer I luff it._

_The original characters, May, Suzu, Rorie and Jo are not characters that will be a main part of the story .; they aren't love interests and they are not sues for heaven's sake. If anything they are clever plot devices. Funny story, they are all based on gays and lesbians I know in real life...their names are just different. Isn't that awsome? XD Their personalities are the same as those people. Just so you know, Rorie has a boyfriend too...Jo is single. May and Suzu are together if you didn't get that. Kawaii...huggles her friends, and the characters based off them_

_So, on to next chapter!_

******Chapter 9 – Ordinary World**

Christmas is coming...Happiness is all around. But does Envy really belong in that happiness? He questions himself. A long trip into town bring a few familiar faces around.

"_Envy? Envy wait...I need to tell you something, please!"_

--

Disclaimers: I tried to own once...the police man said to put the paperwork down and step away from the filing cabinet. That's when they told me I wasn't allowed to go within a hundred yards of any funimation-owned building. So no, do not own FMA. Or Creed. I do however own something! I own Suzu, May, Rorie and Jo. You know who you are! Mwahah! I own you!

Kmid


	12. Ordinary World

_Author's notes!_

Chapter nine! Thanks for reading and HUGE THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!!! It was amazing to hear so much positive feedback! I can't believe the number of people who are reading this!!!! It floors me every time I look. Wow. I'm so happy!!!

I'm sorry for the delay T-T It's been one hell of a week...There is a lot of money stress going on with me. I have a trip I need to make to see my family (yay! -sarcasm-) but I don't even know if I can afford my rent the way my job keeps cutting my hours down to nothing and I can't get a better one because I'm underage.

The good new is I'm turning 18 on the 31st! Happy birthday me.

Sadly, as one of my friends pointed out, I'm no longer legal to date middle-school boys no matter how cute they are. I officially become a pedo for certain character obsessions i have. Bwahaha.

Anyway, here goes This chapter is quite introspective.

Warnings: Depression, swearing, Holiday cheer.

**Chapter 9 – Ordinary World**

_I wake from a dream rather suddenly. My heart races as I open my eyes to find myself somewhere I can't recognize for a moment. This is not my bed, and Wrath is nowhere to be found. I slowly turn my head, drinking in the bedroom I'm in. A photograph is on the wall, reflecting what I'm guessing is probably the afternoon sun. I lean up a little and inspect it, still not quite sure where I am in my first-waking gaze. A blanket I wasn't aware of slips off my shoulder, exposing them bare and cold. I'm wearing a tank-top...it's mine, that's a relief. Still, I don't remember for a minute how I got here. I look at the photograph again, and the glare is gone as I tilt my head. Ah. I recognize those people. Suddenly it floods back to me. The photograph is a sweet sentimental one of the Elric brothers, Edward and Alphonse with their mother and father. This is Al's room. Edward doesn't keep photos of his father around. I remember now that I came home last night, was up late unable to sleep, so I asked to be allowed to sleep in. I remember that I've been staying at the Elric's place because my place got pretty well destroyed and it's hard for either me or Wrath to think about living there again. Or rather for me to think of leaving Wrath alone in some place that was obviously easy to break into. I remember that Wrath and I are sharing Al's old room while he sleeps with his brother upstairs in the room they apparently used to always share. I remember that until yesterday Greed and Martel were staying with us too. They were sleeping in the living room. But they left for Texas again. I remember Greed telling me that he would be back soon._

_Apparently he got a D.J. Gig here...not only that...it's at our school for the new year's dance. Okay...so that's settled. I remember, also, that I have pretty much gone through this same thought process every time I have woken in this house. I sigh and get to my feet slowly. One glance at the clock on the dresser tells me it's two in the afternoon. I stumble across the hall and into the bathroom, vaguely aware of the laughter coming from the living room. I am aware of an all-too-familiar sensation somewhere in the back of my brain and the pit of my chest, but I can't place it. I catch myself in the mirror and automatically criticize. My hair is an absolute disaster...frizzy and flying everywhere. I have an awful cowlick and...my god, my roots are growing out. I need to dye my hair again. My eyebrows are sticking up everywhere, too, from sleeping with my face in the pillow (I always do that when I sleep past noon, because the light is too bright.) My eyes have dark circles under them, and my skin is oily, I can tell because my nose is shiny. There are a few red scrapes on my skin still from the amazing amount of violence I recently experienced with the return of Shou Tucker and the incident with the pills before that. There is a particularly nasty bruise that is slowly healing on the side of my jaw. I really am an awful mess. It's amazing how one can find so many thing's wrong with one's own face? All these things pass through my mind in a few short seconds. Still, for some strange reason I continue, stepping back and pulling off my shirt to shower. Now I can see my upper body in the mirror. My neck is thin and ropey. I twist my head to the side and frown. I'm starting to gain a little weight from eating so damn much all the time. I can't count my ribs anymore, or at least that's what my mind is telling itself._

_It's really funny, I can feel myself being illogical. I haven't actually gained a single pound since Izumi made me start sticking to a diet. By all technicality my more active lifestyle has made me leaner and stronger without gaining any actual fat. Still, I can just see myself turning into a flabby, halfway-inflated balloon even if there is no evidence. I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I still can't place the feeling in my chest...like the whole world is in my face about everything, bugging and irritating me while simultaneously stifling me. I turn on the water to try and drown out the sensation, but it doesn't go away even as I shower._

After battling his mess of hair with a comb and blow dryer, Envy stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a mint green towel. He moved to walk to the bedroom but the sound of voices caught him again. This time they were singing, a little out of tune but signing. He leaned around the corner of the hallway slowly. Before him a beautiful scene was presented. Wrath sat on the floor, a strand of garland draped over his head and an armful of ornaments in his small hands. Edward sat on the couch wearing a festive sweater and sorting out branches of a fake Christmas tree. Alphonse meanwhile was assembling the stem of the false plant and grinning broadly. He had donned a santa-clause hat. All around the living room floor were cardboard boxes. Some looked quite well-used and all had the words "X-mas Decorations" written across them in black permanent marker. Several were open and had been dug through, probably by the ever-nosy Wrath. All three boys were singing carols quietly. Ed was the only one remotely on-key. The space-heater had been turned on, making the house quite cozy.

The scene could have warmed the coldest of hearts, but something was wrong. Envy turned away, heading back down the hall and shutting the door to their room softly. He sat down in the unmade bed and dropped his head into his palms. "What the hell is wrong with me..." He whispered to no one. "I don't belong here..." He told himself. Something inside him told him that he would only corrupt such a wonderful thing if he entered the scene. Without really intending to, Envy got to his feet again and dressed. He pulled on warm clothes, a green fuzzy shirt and a black hooded jacket over it. He shoved feet into knee-high green and black socks and then skin-close black jeans. The socks kept his legs warmer than just jeans. Over that he slipped into a pair of black boots and tied a long black scarf around his thin neck. Finally he tugged a black skull-cap over his hair, which wasn't behaving much better than it had when he first woke. As quietly as he could he opened the door once more and crept soundlessly down the hallway. He gave one last peek to the living room. Ed was arguing good naturedly with his brother about which parts of the tree went where while Wrath laughed hysterically at both of them. There was a quick rush of wintry air as Envy stepped out the front door and let it close behind him with a soft click. He set off down the street.

--

Envy's thin hands found their way into his pockets as he walked. The air was frigid. Snow still gathered in the corners of the sidewalks and he was certain from the sky it would probably snow again. He almost hadn't dressed warmly enough, and it occurred to him that he probably would start to get very cold after a while. Something brushed his numbing fingertips in his pocket and he pause. He closed his hand around it and pulled the mystery object out to find two twenty-dollar bills crumpled in his palm.

"Oh...I thought I lost those..." He muttered to himself. Several months ago he had lost forty dollars and had actually been quite upset about it at the time. He had completely forgotten about it after tearing the house apart looking. After several minutes of contemplating, Envy decided to go shopping for Christmas presents. He had hoped to get one for Wrath at least but found himself broke until the first of next year when the social security check would be forwarded to the account Izumi was letting him and wrath use. Forty bucks would be enough for him to get the Elric brothers a gift too. The idea lifted his spirits a fraction. Downtown it was. With that he shoved the money roughly back into the jacket pocket and set off.

--

"Let's see...She might like these ones. I can't decide...Um, ma'am? What color goes best for someone with a fair complexion and brown hair?" A young blond asked franticly of the squat store owner, who just chuckled at her. Winrey held two ladies' jackets in her hands, one was violet and the other was white with gray fur on the hood.

"Well, White is rarely good for fair, and jewel tones are best for brunettes, so the purple." She replied. "Shopping for your sister?" She asked. Winrey blushed.

"No ma'am...It's for my...em..." He hesitated. She was saved though, by the jingle of the store bell. The first shop in the downtown district was actually rather slow for a day this close to Christmas. Madame Maybelle's Gifts and Ect. Was one of the many little shops in the district that made a fairly descent amount on residents of the large city who wanted to get away to the small-town feel of historic downtown. Winrey smiled as the store owner moved around the corner to greet another customer, but her expression fell immediately when she herself spotted just who had entered the store. Greenish-black hair was pressed down under a beanie cap. Amethyst eyes took one long look around.

"I don't think this is what I'm looking for, sorry...Merry Christmas..." Envy said, looking a little confused "Definitely not going to find something the guys want here..."

"Envy!" His name was called out, causing the boy to spin on heel and nearly lose his balance. His gaze met Winrey's as she came around the end cap of the main isle. Several emotions crossed Envy's features. Recognition, familiarity, disgust, fear and finally apathy.

"I don't have anything to say to you right now, Rockbell, please leave me alone." He said. There was an ounce of pain tracing his tone, like his words had a double-edge. He almost sounded on the verge of tears but his eyes remained emotionless. He turned his back on the girl again.

"Wait, Envy!" The tingling of the bell signaled his return to the cold outdoors.

"Ma'am, your purchases?" The owner said softly.

"Can you hold them for like...five minutes? I...I need to..."

"I understand." The woman said, putting both jackets behind the counter as the blond raced out the door.

"Envy? Envy wait...I need to tell you something, please!" Winrey ran after him, fur-lined boots crunching against the ice and leftover snow that glazed the pavement. Envy's back was still several paces ahead of her, but she couldn't move much faster or risk slipping on the slushy concrete. He said nothing, not turning in her direction.

"Envy! Please...I'm sorry! I want to apologize about everything, Please hear me out...I had reasons, stupid ones but I had reasons...please forgive me...be my friend again!" She called out, trying to catch up without killing herself in the process. Envy seemed to have a little more stability as he walked at a brisk pace. He turned and crossed the street, not looking at all for cars. Winrey immediately followed, scrambling as a mini-van almost collided with her. She uttered a hasty apology and chased after her former-friend once more. Envy glanced back as he heard tires screech but resumed his pained ignorance as soon as he could tell the girl hadn't actually been hit.

"Envy!" Winrey called after him as he walked up a steeply sloping street. She was catching up to him now, but the ice was more precarious on the less-trafficked streets. She lost her footing and slipped, landing flat on her stomach with a small whine. "Envy...stop! i...I quit the newspaper and I need to tell you something...It's about...it's..." She rambled, still facing the pavement. Envy paused again, looking back one last time before taking off at a run. Winrey watched him go and tears formed in her large eyes. "I'm sorry...i'm so sorry..." She repeated to herself.

--

"Damn her...why the hell does she think she has the right to apologize. She's nothing to me and I'm nothing to her, that's the way it's always been. Since we basically broke up. Dammit..." Envy kept running, not sure of his destination. Still, the running was warming him up, even though he still felt frozen and miserable inside. He clenched his fists, pressing his eyes shut as a headache was beginning to form. He was just contemplating slowing down and resting a moment when he collided with something very solid. Oddly enough though, his front hit the object, but he didn't fall flat on his ass like he was expecting. Arms had embraced his shoulders just long enough to steady him and then let him go. Violet eyes snapped open to figure out who he had just nearly tackled.

"Woah, Envy...you shouldn't run with your eyes closed man..." A slightly familiar voice said. Envy drank in the image of the young man before him momentarily. Sleek black hair, almond eyes, round face without looking totally Japanese...It was that half-asian that hung around Ed-o. Roy Mustang...Riza's friend.

"Why is it everyone I know shows up when I'm having a bad day?" Envy said aloud in exasperated tone. Roy chuckled.

"Come on...I've been shopping for two hours with no success, let's get some coffee or something hot." He said, forcing Envy into a small cafe across the street. In his daze, Envy complied. He even ordered himself a hot rasberry tea-drink. He stared out the window until their drinks arrived. Actually quite thankful for the warmth, Envy took a great gulp from his before settling into sipping the drink.

"So what brings the anti-social spaz out on such a freezing day?" Roy inquired.

"How is it you manage to place an insult into everything you say to absolutely everyone?" Envy asked sharply. His enthusiasm for the sting, however, was somewhat lacking. God, it was even hard to treat people the way he normally did.

"It's a skill. Plus, not everyone. I don't insult Riza." He said, laughing a little. Envy gave him a questioning look. "I would rather not find myself impaled by several arrows in succession." Envy's lips twitched, a mock-gesture that signaled that he normally would have found that image quite funny. He hadn't spent much time with Roy or Riza, but they had somehow been associated in his little circle with Edward and Alphonse. In classes they would try and partner up, or in study hall or library they would sit together instead of trying to find an empty table (which was nearly impossible due to the incredible student population). Still, they knew little about one another other than the short discussions they shared at lunch which rarely involved Envy. In fact...lunch had been kind of interesting lately, consisting of Roy and Edward challenging each other's masculinity constantly with eating and staring contests, and seeing who could hold a salted piece of ice in the palm of their hand longer, ect. ect. While Envy and Alphonse had short conversations and Riza watched everyone through those almost-red eyes full of silent amusement.

"You didn't answer my question?" Roy said after a long silence.

"Why don't you and Ed get along? I mean...the prosthetics thing but...that doesn't seem like that much of a big deal to me..." Envy asked, curiosity and need to get Winrey's apology off his mind overtaking his voice.

"Not a big deal? Like how...How does he act about it?" Roy asked finally.

"Hmm? I...don't know. I mean, when we are at home, he doesn't make an effort to cover his prosthetics, and when he gets out of the shower sometimes he leaves his arm off for a little while because he doesn't like putting the straps on while his hair is still making his skin wet." Envy explained. "Don't tell him that I'm talking about him..." he said suddenly.

"Don't worry...I wont screw anything up for you two. But I'm curious, how did you manage to get him to that point?" Roy asked, his curiosity peaking his normally cool voice. Envy blushed a little unintentionally. "Hmm? Woah...you two aren't...but I thought those were just rumors?" Roy asked suddenly.

"No! It's nothing like that!" Envy denied. It was true there had been rumors though. In fact, there were a lot of rumors now. Envy ignored them as always, but it panged him a little that they now always involved the Elrics, his own brother and sometimes Roy and Riza.

"So...wait...your not gay?"

"Yes, I mean...no...I...ergh. Let's be blunt, okay? I'm a lot fucking better at that." Envy regained a little of his usual confidence. "I'm gay. Ed's my friend. So is Al. I'm not screwing them or my brother. I am attracted to Ed, if nothing else in a physical way because he really is a good-looking guy with a good personality. I'm not friends with Winrey and I almost got myself and everyone else killed by a psycho from my past." He said, trying to cover all the more common rumors in one statement. There were more, but they weren't worth exploring.

"Wow." Roy said simply. He chuckled to himself after a short silence. "So anyway...at our old school...Edward..He and I were really good friends after some unusual events at the start of freshman year...We both knew some stuff about each other not many other people knew. His big secret was his prosthetics and well...He was very sensitive about it. The only reason he let me even glimpse his hands or feet was because he had a secret of mine too. Still, he was completely scared to let anyone see or know. To the point of which he dropped P.E. entirely when they said he couldn't wear gloves. It was a huge secret. He would get really, really pissy if I even mentioned it or alluded to it in a good natured way. He wouldn't let me lean on that shoulder, he wouldn't wear his house clothes when I would come over...like having a false arm and leg was some utterly disgusting thing." Roy's tone changed, considerably more sober sounding he continued. "It's not like it bugs me any. I'm pretty fucked up in my own way but he...he would never trust me with it."

"Sorry..." Envy said slowly. He wasn't positive what someone should say at a time like this.

"But around you...he's different? Without reservation?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. We have been through some stuff though...I mean circumstances pushed it there...when he was too tired to cover up, or it just wasn't practical, but then, in the evenings when he wants to be comfortable, he acts like it's not a big deal. Not at first though. At first he always asked permission...'will it bother you if I do this?' 'would it be okay if I don't put my arm on just yet?'" Envy said, chuckling a little into his half-empty cup. He finished the rest of it.

"Another tea please!" Roy called out.

"I can't pay for another one, I have to get gifts with what money I have..." Envy tried to interrupt. Roy waved his hand to dismiss the statement.

"But what I want to know is what...broke the barrier? How can you do what I tried to. I was trying to help him out...be that friend...I just ended up ostracizing him."

"Maybe Ed-o has grown up...you should give him more time. He doesn't really hate you, anyway." Envy said casually, sipping the second tea. He cringed as it burned his tongue.

"It's hot, idiot."

"No, you are." Envy shot back playfully, not sure what that kind of joking would get out of his new acquaintance, but generally he didn't care.

"You know it. Hot like Fire. Anyway, what are you doing out here by yourself? Just needed to break away from the others so you could shop or what?" Roy asked. Envy's relief at his good nature was broken by the wash of memory that came back to him. Why he had left...he didn't belong there...could he even tell this almost-stranger that? Maybe if he was talking to Riza and not Roy...but still. It didn't really matter in the long run. Nothing really did.

"They were putting up decorations." Was Envy's final answer.

"So? You don't like decorating?"

"It's not that...they just looked so..." Envy moved his hands, trying to form the image in his mind. "Perfect."

"Perfect? That's bad? Perfect moment's don't happen very often."

"Perfect, but not with me there. I don't belong...Their all so..." Envy searched for the word. "Shiny...bright. Happy...Wrath can be happy when he's having fun. He has the purest joy. And Al is just plain good. He's an honestly good person. And Ed-o...he's a little confused most of the time but he belongs too, laughing away and I..." Envy trailed off as the words got caught in his throat.

"You what?" Roy egged him, a little frustration tinging his voice. Envy looked up at him suddenly. Why did that make Roy mad?

"I...I'm so dark, like a black spot on that pretty Christmas scene." Roy stood, startling Envy. He grabbed the boy roughly by the left arm and pulled him from the cafe, dropping several bills onto the counter before he pulled Envy into the cold outside once more.

"Don't botch this you idiot! I had his friendship and I squandered it. Your going to fuck up your happiness for no good reason." Roy snapped, finally letting go of Envy's arm and turning to face him. The were now standing in the middle of a park. White flakes drifted slowly down from the sky.

"But..."

"Don't argue. Snap out of it Envy! Fuck! You wont even let yourself be happy when happiness is handed to you. You have a family you never had! Be grateful! But don't feel like you don't deserve it. Your just depressed...You need to get over it." He said. Something about his tone was very directive. Envy looked at the ground, which was quickly turning white. Something clicked...it was depression...it wasn't them or anybody...it was his depression! He was just suffering from a low...it would pass, even if it felt like the world was going to end right now...eventually the sensation would pass...in fact it was already starting to. Envy no longer felt like sitting somewhere cold and staring at a wall for the rest of his life.

"I.." Envy said, unable to explain the feeling he had. Roy just turned away from him and started walking. A couple paces away he cocked his head back.

"Are you coming or what? Help me pick out what to get for Riza, then we can look for something for your brother and the Elric boys." He demanded.

"Why should I help you pick something for Riza?" Envy retorted after a few minutes of silent walking.

"Because... I don't know what girls like, I'm a guy!" Roy replied.

"And I'm not?!"

"Not really."

"I know why Ed-o hates you."

"Don't we all?"

--

The sun was starting to set by the time Roy and Envy walked to the edge of the downtown district. Envy had three bags looped over his arms. One was for Wrath, a game for the game-boy that he so treasured and a dvd of Wrath's current anime obsession. The electronics store had been having a sale, which allowed Envy to buy more than just the game which to itself was normally thirty dollars. For Edward, Envy had found a strange sort of hair clip that made it much easier to keep your hair separated while braiding it an a very nice new pair of black leather gloves. For Alphonse he had found a book called "100 vegetarian recipes for the picky eater". Envy knew immediately that was a great present for him, since Al was always trying to make food that Ed would actually eat but wouldn't go against his own vegetarian principles. Also he had found the younger brother a small stuffed kitty that was curled as though sleeping. If batteries were inserted, the kitty's chest would rise and fall. Envy had admitted it really looked like a real cat.

After visiting half the shops in the downtown area, Envy had split off from Roy finally to try and cover more ground looking for a gift for Riza. Roy had returned to Envy defeated, but the long-haired teen had made a perfect selection, which he promptly showed Roy. A spun-glass figurine sat in the window of a sword-shop. It stood eight inches and was the image of a woman in a long dress. In her hands was a drawn bow with an arrow cocked. She had wings and a halo over he head. "Warrior Angel Glass Figure – Import – 60$" The sign in the window read. The two had an exasperated argument, Roy insisting that it was way too much and that Riza was just a friend of his, and Envy insisting that it was well worth it because it would mean a lot to her. Finally Roy gave in after Envy offered to cover the tax with what little money he had left. Roy promised to let Envy have his name on the card, but Envy refused.

Now as he walked slowly home he laughed to himself. Riza would be so incredibly excited, even though she wouldn't show it. He would probably hear about it after the next gym period where Archery club and his P.E. Overlapped.

Envy sighed slowly, feeling much lighter than he had this morning. He still wasn't really happy, but at least he wasn't so down now. The miserable feeling of the snow soaking through his jeans and socks was beginning to darken his mood though as he made his way to the Elric's place. To take his mind off it, he looked at the small bag Roy had given him.

"_Give this to Edward for me. Tell him it's from me and make sure he reads the card. I appreciate it. Feel better okay, man? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve."_

That's what Roy had said. Envy almost pulled the tissue away from the item in the bag to see what it was but he minded himself. 'Ed will open it when I get home.' he told himself.

--

Envy crunched up the yard, unable to feel his feet now. The front door opened...'_Had they seen me coming_

"Wrath, it's okay, stay here with Al in case he comes back, okay? I'm going to look for him...I'll call from a pay phone exactly every half hour until I find hi-" Edward stopped mid sentence as he had turned from the door. Envy was standing in the yard with bags in his arms. His pants were soaked the the knee but he was otherwise unharmed. They stared at each other for a moment before Edward turned his head into the house.

"It's okay guys! He's here!!" He called out, excited and relieved. With that the blond ran out into the yard and helped Envy take the bags inside. When he crossed the threshold both he found both Wrath and Alphonse wrapped around him tightly while Ed took the rest of the bags from his hand and placed them on the living room floor.

"We didn't know where you went...we tried really hard not to worry but we were about to go looking...and if you didn't come back we were going to call the police..." Al explained. Wrath just had his face buried in Envy's sweater.

"I was...you guys missed me? I was out shopping I didn't think..."

"Didn't think we would notice? We were missing you since about two thirty this afternoon!" Wrath told him. Tears were tinging the little boy's eyes. Normally Wrath would have been very patient, especially with the Elrics here. He normally wouldn't notice Envy had left or could have shrugged it off. Ever since the incident Wrath had been very easy to upset though, as if in just a moment loss was hiding around the next bend.

The living room looked amazing. Ed settled into the couch. The heater was glowing in the corner, the tree lit up and decorated. There was garland over the doorways and pictures on the walls. A Christmas rug was spread across the floor and a green and red blanket over the couch. Alphonse sat down, pulling Envy onto the couch along with him. Wrath crawled into his brother's lap and suddenly Envy felt...complete.

--

Later on that evening, when dinner had been eaten and Christmas music was playing softly in the corner, Envy remembered something. He reached under the tree where his bags had been stuck and pulled out a small paper bag. He handed it to Ed.

"I ran into Roy Mustang shopping today...he wanted me to give you that. He said to make sure to read the card." He explained. Ed's expression hardened and Al looked at him curiously. He opened the bag and pulled the tissue paper out. He reached in and pulled out something small...Envy and Al leaned in to see...it was a small wooden match. Ed dropped it back into the bag and read the card.

"Roy..." He muttered. "I'm going to bed...goodnight guys." He said, smiling falsely and turning in. Al picked up the card.

"_If we could start again... -- Roy_" was all it said.

--

Post-Notes!

Hope you enjoyed yet another chapter of Hollywood Died! This one was fun to me...very introspective, very interesting. Envy was illogically depressed because of his condition, he wasn't just being emo ;P

I don't have a whole lot to say XD

Don't own FMA. Don't own Duran Duran (but they own me...big time. I LOOOOOVE Duran Duran. Quit looking at me like I'm a freak. QUIT!!!)

My foot hurts. I crashed my bike today and hurt it. Owie.

NEXT CHAPTER!!!

_Chapter 9.5 - If everyone cared:_

_Christmas, a time for giving and sharing, a time for family and love. Even in the core of dysfunctionality, a family can be found to share the heart with...Warm holiday feelings._


	13. Don't Stop Dancing

_Author's Notes!_

_ITS BEEN A CRAZY WEEK! Mardi Gras is here, my first one (yay!) I've been running around like crazy. I'm switching jobs (No more minimum wage hell!) I'm turning 18, I'm making friends! I found an anime club! Theres a newly 18-and-up-club open here! I am going to a con and going back home for a couple days! I feel like so much is happening at once._

_I promise, however, that I'm not forgetting the story In fact all this eventfulness is driving my creative spirit once more! _

_Okay, so there are two chapters here. The first one was only two pages when I got down to it so I felt like I would be jipping yall if I left it that. So here are two chapters, separated only because of the fact that they have nothing to do with one another. PEACE! ENJOY! _

_Warnings: Swearing, Christmas stuffs._

**Chapter 9.5 - If everyone cared**

Christmas was peaceful. No-one mentioned the message from Roy, Christmas eve morning it seemed completely forgotten. Wrath was brightening up and had really began to act like himself. Envy had shaken the bought of depression that threatened the holidays finally. Izumi and her husband visited and Envy told her about that spell. She had stroked his head gently, telling him that it was a good sign that the bought wasn't nearly as severe as the ones he had suffered from before. She spent Christmas eve with the boys, and when their patience ran out they all opened a present. Wrath got a set of hot wheels tracks from the Elrics, which he chose to begin assembling over the living room furniture immediately. Alphonse and Edward chose one of their presents from Envy each, Al unwrapped his book and immediately began teasing Ed about feeding him some descent vegetables disguised as meat. For this Envy received a deadly glare from Edward. "Not my fault!" Envy had tried to protest. Ed opened his gift of the hair-separator clip. He tried it immediately, using only one of his hands to braid his hair behind his head. Much to his (and Envy's) surprise, the device actually worked, allowing Ed to fix his usual style with ease and a good tight finish. After they had finished, a brightly wrapped box was dropped into Envy's lap. He looked around bewildered.

"Who does this belong to?" He asked aloud.

"Um...read the tag?" Edward answered impatiently. Envy slowly turned over the piece of silver card stock tied to the ribbon. "To Envy – (In several different handwritings Envy tried to recognize, various nicknames had been added in)The awesome brother (Wrath's childish scrawl), space-cadet palm tree (That was Al's neat little cursive), tall-ass freak (Ed's somewhat sloppy writing), Girly little cuz (definitely Greed's spiky lettering), Lucky (that one was side-noted with Martel's name) Idiot kid-o (Izumi's simple, neat style) Dork-burger (Sheska? Her writing was teeny-tiny and barely readable, but her name was printed next to it too.) and all around weird but wonderful person." Envy was shocked at how many people had actually signed the card...how many people were in his life. How many people knew who (and how) he really was and seemed to care anyway.

"We all got together to help out with it..." Izumi said, smiling softly. Envy slowly unwrapped the package, which was about six inches square. He tried not to rip the paper, until Wrath yelled at him to tear into it. He did, and his eyes widened when he realized what it was.

"But...these are...These are expensive...like three-hundred dollars!" Envy gasped, his gaze flitting between all their satisfied faces.

"Yes, and you have to pay a monthly fee for service but...seeing as how you can't keep out of trouble, we thought you needed one. Me and the Elric's are each taking a portion of the monthly fee. You will be on my plan, so it's only a difference cost in a bill for me and not a whole independent plan." Izumi explained. She looked truly happy...so did the Elric brothers, and Wrath, who couldn't contain himself. He climbed into Envy's lap and started to open the box. He pulled out the cellular phone for Envy and waved it in front of his brother's face.

"It plays music to, and does texting on a keyboard! You can use the internet too...Izumi is going to make it where you can do unlimited of that kind of stuff." He rambled. Envy took the phone from him slowly. It was a sleek little phone that slid open to reveal a second screen and tiny keyboard. It had a green tint and on the other side a camera lens gleamed. He just stared at it for a long time.

"I don't think he noticed yet..." Ed said, laughing a little and breaking Envy out of the trance.

"Hey, Envy, look at the box..." Al spoke up. Envy slowly took the discarded box in a shaking hand. He read the name of the phone and suddenly he burst out into laughter...tears traced the corners of his eyes as he laughed heartily and mirthfully. The phone's name was the enV. A small, green phone called the enV. It was perfect, fit him in every way. He had always wanted a phone...and they were right...he needed one with all the trouble he got himself into most of the time. He finally recovered, rubbing his eyes wit one hand while the other clutched his side.

"S...sorry...I'm just so...I haven't ever really gotten a gift quite like this...I haven't ever had this many people care enough to do this..." He choked, still grinning madly. A few hours passed, everyone playing with their new gifts as Izumi sat talking with Ed about things he and Alphonse did when they were kids. Suddenly Envy got to his feet and prodded Wrath.

"What?" The child asked, looking like his train of thought had just been completely derailed.

"Come here for a minute...I want to ask you something." Envy said slowly. Wrath followed him into their bedroom while the rest of the room stared silently after them. Several minutes later they emerged with a small box. Slowly they walked over to Izumi. She looked at them, wondering silently what they were thinking.

"Izumi..." Envy began.

"Yes, Envy? Wrath?" Izumi asked.

"We decided that we want you to have this..."

"Boys you don't have to give me something just because-"

"That's not it..." Envy interrupted her.

"This was Mommy's favorite...Brother and I always said we would find something special to do with it someday since its for a lady." Wrath explained. Envy held out his hands. Resting in his palm was a long, ornate box. It had a red ouroboros inlaid in mother of pearl on the black lacquer surface. Slowly she took it from them and popped the small gold hinge on the front. Inside was red velvet and resting on it was a beautiful necklace of a pink teardrop pearl on a chain of silver. Simple, but elegant and incredibly rare, it was an object of high value.

"It is indeed something for an elegant and refined woman...Are you boy's sure that you want to give this to me?" She asked seriously. At the same time Envy and Wrath nodded. Izumi carefully lifted the jewel from the box by the chain, inspecting it. She found that the other side of the teardrop was flat and intricately engraved...there was an image of the star of David with a stylized serpent around it. Detailed wings encased the image and a gold filigree clasp attached the pearl to the chain...it was an amazing peace of work...a master jeweler could scarcely do work like that. She inhaled deeply, caught in the facets of pearl that glinted in the light. She leaned down and embraced both boys.

"This means the world to me..." She said slowly, choking back the tears that threatened to form in her dark eyes. She knew the truth hidden behind the gift...they were deeming her worthy of their mother's status by giving her their mother's prized possession. That was an incredible honor from boys who had been through so much. On the other side of the room Edward chuckled, muttering something about mushy Christmas spirit and Alphonse beamed. So did Mr. Curtis, in his own gruff way.

Yes, Christmas was a peaceful one, and one that Envy wouldn't forget for some time.

Chapter 10 – Don't stop Dancing

"Envy! We're home!" Alphonse called out as he swung the front door open. In his arms were several bags of groceries. He was followed by Edward, who was also toting an armful of plastic bags and had his house keys held in the other. Wrath proceeded them, closing the door behind him.

"Living room!" Envy called back lazily.

"Come help us with the groceries you lazy fuck!" Edward called out, not sounding frustrated so much as amusingly vindictive. Wrath pushed past the brothers and into the living room. Music blared from the television.

"Whatcha watchin'?" Wrath asked as he pulled himself up onto the back of the sofa Envy was sprawled across. Envy fumbled for the remote a moment, apparently not to be bothered with looking up onto the end table behind his head for it. When his hand finally found it he jabbed the pause button. He sighed deeply and with dramatic effort pulled himself into a sitting position. Edward and Alphonse appeared in the doorway.

"We aren't unloading anything until you get your lazy ass up and help..." Ed said, smirking.

"Hey! That's west-side story!" Alphonse chimed suddenly. All three other boys stared at him blankly, probably for quite different reasons. Envy looked between Al and the television screen where the movie was paused. It was an almost indistinguishable scene. One would have to have seen the movie _a lot_ before being able to recognize it from that pause. There was a patch of silence before Envy and Ed both burst into laughter. Wrath started giggling too, even though he wasn't sure he got what was so funny.

"Wh..whats so funny! Come on, stop laughing!" Al said indignantly. A pale pink tinged his cheeks. Envy was the first to slow down, grasping at his sides.

"Heh...hehe...I always did peg you as a nerd...Drama geek." Envy lapsed into silent laughter again. Al blushed harder.

"What's your excuse then, Envy?" He replied, hoping it was convincingly snappy even though he too was starting to catch on to the laughter. Envy paused his giggle-fit. So did Wrath.

"Me?" Envy asked, mock-seriously.

"Yes, you, what's your excuse for watching it..for owning it!" Al said, gaining confidence. Envy's answer was simple. He pointed to himself.

"Um...I'm gay?"

Ed's laughter re-doubled and Wrath fell onto the seat of the couch gasping aloud that his sides hurt. After a while the laughter settled down and Envy hauled himself off the couch and walked into the kitchen, hooking his arm over Al's shoulder on his way. He gave his friend a soft noogie on the head, Al was still blushing.

"Don't take it so hard, we were only teasing. Ever seen another musical called Rent?" Envy said as the unloaded the groceries. Ed let out an exasperated groan when the word "rent" was mentioned. Well, that answered that.

--

_School sucks normally...it's at times like this that it sucks double. Everyone is swarming the freaking cafeteria. Strike that, everyone is storming the fucking school! It's like a war-zone...And all over some stupid new-year dance. Okay, so this school has a ridiculous tradition about the new year's dance...three days before it happens the school has an open house. Anyone going to the dance has to attend. Of course, it has an ulterior motive, just like half the shit that happens here. The students have been calling it Ask day. No classes, just buying tickets and...blegh, asking people out to the dance. So why the fuck are we here? Ask. Alphonse._

"Well, we _are_ all going right?" Al asked. Normally Ed would have been the most stressed out in a situation like this, but he was standing calmly next to Envy and his brother for one simple reason. Envy's circle of influence. No-one would get within six feet of the teen, even in the crowded cafeteria. This time apparently too afraid he would ask them to the dance. "Have either of you been asked?" Al said. Envy looked at him, his violet eyes dripping with sarcasm.

"Your kidding right?"

"Me either...thank the universe." Ed replied simply.

"Aw, poor Edward. That's just too bad." A familiar voice said. Arms flung over Edward and Alphonse's shoulder belonging to none other than Roy Mustang. Ed shook the other teen's arm from his shoulder. "So cold."

"So what about you Roy? You bringing your blow-up doll for company?" Ed replied sharply.

"I'm crushed. Really. Actually I'll have you know that I have had dozens of proposals. I haven't taken any of them up, though." He explained, running a hand through his hair as if trying to look like a model. Envy turned a little, realizing that it wasn't only Roy who had broken his personal space bubble. A foot or two back Riza stood. She smiled at him gently. Envy returned the gesture with a smirk and nod. He scanned around the room as he blanked out the sound of Ed and Roy's arguing. He spotted another familiar face surrounded by brown hair and blocked by large glasses. Sheska? She was over away from him, outside his circle but not intentionally. In fact, the people around her looked vaguely familiar too, a tall thin girl...a short, dark-haired tomboy...His thoughts were interrupted.

"It was your idea to do _what?" _Ed snapped, wheeling on Al. It looked as though he had just gotten over getting extremely upset. Probably some comment on height by Roy. Envy was far too used to this behavior even in the short time he had known the boys.

"I thought we could all...go together...as friends. Instead of trying to find dates we don't really like? You, me, Envy, Riza, Roy, Sheska...None of us have a date!" Al tried to explain.

"You already got the tickets? Don't volunteer me for friendship parties with pony-boy over here!" Ed said, pouting a little.

"We got a group rate! It cost less, and there's not anything binding us to each other other than the fact that we will be wearing the group-rate wristband instead of the couples rate ones!"

"They are just status symbols anyway." Envy interjected cynically. He looked up to try and find Sheska again, _'why did those girls she was with seem so familiar...'_

"Anyway, I have to go pick up the wrist bands..." Al said. He seemed to Envy like he was hiding something. As he watched the dishwater-blond run off he mused at how all the students parted for him to go by. They didn't scramble away like they did from Envy, but they gave Alphonse three feet of personal space, as if they would get something on them by touching one of Envy's new gang. He felt a pang of guilt...had he managed to ostracize Al too? Did Al even want to be treated that way?

--

"Alright, Thanks, see you friday." Izumi smiled as another couple of students walked away with the wristbands they would all don at the dance. Her grin broadened as she recognized the next face that greeted her. "Alphonse! How are you!"

"Doing great Izumi, if I can manage to keep my friends from killing each other before the start of the new year."

"I see...How many did you have?"

"Seven...Should be under Elric though. Edward, Alphonse, Envy Douglass, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Sheska Smith and..." He lowered his voice. "Winrey Rockbell..."

"I thought you boys weren't on speaking terms with her?" Izumi inquired. Perceptive as always.

"It was...um...a special request. Don't tell brother we got her in on our group rate, okay?" Al begged. Izumi nodded, handing him a handful of plastic orange hospital bracelets.

"Thanks Izumi." Al said, smiling brightly at her. With that he stalked back across the room. Halfway across, he paused to hand a couple bracelets to someone he knew before proceeding to break Envy's 'circle of influence' once again and approach his friends.

--

"Remind me...never...to come shopping with you guys again." Edward complained, plopping himself down on yet another chair outside yet another dressing room in yet another store...in yet another mall. It was the third mall. Envy and Sheska slipped into the dressing rooms, each with an armful of clothes. Alphonse sighed as he dropped down next to his brother, Wrath following shortly behind with a gameboy in his hands. The child had been playing it since before they left. Apparently he knew how to deal with Envy's shopping trips.

"Who's idea was this again?" Edward whined slowly.

"Your's actually...your the one who told Envy we had enough money to buy him something to wear for the dance because he told Sheska he couldn't shop with her because he had no money." Al chimed, climbing up to sit on the back of the small sofa with his feet on the seat.

"But I didn't think it would take this long!" Ed protested. Someone tsked behind him. He wheeled around to find Sheska standing and laughing at him.

"You should have known better..." She said, smirking slightly. She had gotten somewhat more attitude of late, at least when she wasn't at school. She made a striking image with her latest dress. It was an emerald peasant-style dress with a broomstick skirt but the top fit her form quite well. Unlike her usual plain looks she was actually quite glamorous. Ed glanced to the side to find that his brother couldn't take his eyes off the girl. He nudged Al in the side.

"What do you think, Al?"

"Pretty..." Was all the younger Elric could manage.

"Really? You really think so? It's not too flashy is it? Oh, but it's not to plain?" There she was. The normal, indecisive Sheska they all knew.

"It looks absolutely effing hot. Who are you trying to impress, anyway?" Envy's voice drifted from behind one of the changing stalls as the door closed again. He had leaned out just to check on Sheska before disappearing back inside.

"Nn...no one!" Sheska said, a little too quickly.

"What are you doing in there Envy, your taking forever!" Ed called out.

"Fuck you!" Envy replied curtly.

Several minutes later the lock clicked. Everyone watched in suspense as Envy emerged. For the last several (hundred, Ed thought) shops, Envy had been trying on suits, slacks, button-ups and ties, all the things a boy was supposed to be wearing to the dance, and absolutely nothing had looked even remotely like it belonged on him. This was a different story though.

Envy stepped out of the dressing room, his brow furrowed in concentration. He wasn't wearing a dress, but it wasn't a suit and tie either. It definitely wasn't made for a guy, or it might have been considering the shop they were in was one of those borderline goth fashion trend places. The top was tunic-length, falling to his mid-thigh in the front and dropping behind his knees in a split coattail in the back. It was sleeveless and choker-necked with a wide obi-like belt of green across the middle. The material was a stretchy black. The most notable thing as Envy did a little spin was the fact that it was backless, right down to his lower back. He lifted his hair to show his back off, striking a model pose. He was wearing flared black slacks already, and they complimented the look perfectly. He turned around to face the party, hands on his hips.

"Well?" He asked impatiently when no-one spoke up. They all gawked at him, except Wrath. Envy's little brother looked up once, glanced back down at his game, and looked up again.

"It's you." He said simply.

"It's really...good. It actually really suits you, much better than the black-tie look." Al finally spoke up, smiling warmly at his friend.

"Yeah, it looks great Envy. Actually, I think you should wear those same pants with it...and maybe a long necklace over the front to keep it from looking to plain? Oh, and some long gloves." Sheska said suddenly. She had moved over to Envy's side and was circling him.

"You really think so?" Envy said, looking at his bare arms. "Maybe if I cut the fingers out." He said. Sheska nodded. "I was serious, your's looks good too Sheska." He said at length, finally remembering she was wearing her dress for the dance too,

"Ah! Um...thanks..." She blushed suddenly, laughing a little and looking down.

"What about you, Ed-o? What do you think?" Envy asked. Honesty traced his tone, he was looking for Edward to be truthful. The blond, however, still seemed a little shocked.

"I...um...it's...really...um..." He stammered. Envy raised one eyebrow out of sheer confusion. He wondered to himself how someone who was always so in control and always knew what they wanted could be so dumb-struck. "It's...um...it looks...good...I mean...hot...er..." Envy laughed.

"You can't figure out what to call it that won't seem like a flirt, is that it brother?" Al asked, laughing too at the embarrassed blush that crept across his brother's face.

"Well...at least I didn't have to resort to a full-out dress..." Envy said nonchalantly as he turned to change back into the clothes he had worn into the store. Silence followed him as everyone silently wondered if that might have been what happened had they not found this particular outfit.

--

When Envy and Sheska had changed once more, they both stepped out and all five headed for the front counter. Sheska paid for her purchases and waited as Envy set his up on the counter.

"Listen, Ed-o...Al...you guys don't have to do this. I still have that suit that Izumi made me wear to the trial...I could-"

"Hmf. Don't be an idiot...you pulled that tie off as soon as we stepped out of that courtroom." Ed scoffed.

"It's really okay, Envy...We have it covered. Dad sent us a lot of money for the holidays...apparently he got a huge bonus check so he sent us extra money to blow to make up for not visiting us." Al said, trying as usual to make up for his brother's lack of manners. "Plus, Ed's right. You don't like that suit."

"It's too masculine on him." Edward said. His hand shot to his mouth as soon as he had said it. Whether it was out of embarrassment or to stifle a sudden laugh at himself for being so bold was hard to tell. Envy looked at him a moment in surprise before he pounced. One thin arm wrapped around the smaller Elric's forehead and Envy's knuckle drove into Edward's blond head in a hard noogie.

"Too masculine? Are you trying to say I'm gay?" He teased.

"Oh...Ow...stoppit! You _are _gay!"

"Be glad I'm not going in a dress!"

"I am!"

"Is it too late to exchange that for a prom dress?" Envy asked the rather confused clerk as he grinned like a madman. Ed took the momentary opportunity though, and dropped to his knees, throwing Envy off balance. This had a rather more detrimental effect than Edward anticipated though, as Envy slipped suddenly forward and crashed both him and Edward to the floor. Ed looked up at him with wide amber eyes. Envy on the other hand switched from an expression of surprise to pure malice.

"Gee, Ed-o. I didn't know you liked to be underneath..." However, the one who made the comment wasn't Envy, despite the teen's wickedly implying grin. All heads, blushing and not, turned to Wrath, who had looked up from his videogame and was innocently eying his brother and the blond pinned beneath him. "What?" He asked. Envy stood rather quickly.

"As if you don't know what you meant..." He muttered, pouting a little.

"All done." Alphonse announced. Envy spun around.

"What?"

"Buying that shirt...coat...top...whatever it is for you." Al said brightly.

"But...but..."

"Aw, quit protesting." Ed said, smiling and getting to his feet. The blush was still faintly visible on his cheeks, but he seemed to be ignoring it now. They shopping bag was shoved into Envy's arms as they walked out of the store and into the hallways of the mall. After a while Envy broke the silence again.

"So...Ed-o...what about you? And Al?"

"What about us?"

"What are you going to wear for the dance..."

"I don't know...something nice. We have a few nice clothes you know." Ed said.

"Yeah, and lucky for you everything that fit when we were twelve still fits you!" Al added, dodging the fist that came at him for the comment.

"What are you trying to say?! That I'm smaller than a twelve-year-old boy?"

"That you are still as tiny as twelve year old you!" Al said, this time he slunk around to hid behind Envy.

"Oh no, don't use me as a shield!" Envy said, side-stepping and letting Edward have at his brother in an all-out hallway wrestling match. Sheska couldn't help but start to giggle.

"Are they always like this?" She asked.

"Pretty much...sometimes me and Wrath are added into the mix."

"Oh yeah! Brother, didn't you still need to go do that thing?" Al piped up suddenly, calling the end to their match with no clear winner.

"What thing?" Ed responded.

"That thing...you need to go get your arm looked at." Al explained, glancing at Sheska and hoping asking wouldn't be going too far in front of her. Ed stopped walking a moment. The thought occurred to Envy that he hadn't really explained his prosthetics to anyone else...and everyone had really been much too tired the night of the Tucker incident to really take much notice of the passing matter. That in addition to the fact that they had spent almost no real time with Sheska before today all added to Ed's discomfort on the subject.

However, Sheska seemed to feel the sense of brooding about the blond, because she suddenly excused herself. '_maybe she is more perceptive than I thought...'_ Envy noted to himself. When he looked back at the brothers Elric though, he found Edward staring at the floor. Strands of hair fell into his face, obscuring his expression, but Alphonse was leaning in on his brother's ear, whispering something.

"...go on...ask him. I'm sure he'll want to." Was all Envy could catch. Suddenly Al gave his brother a shove to the back, forcing him to stumble within speaking distance to Envy.

"Hey, um...Envy?"

"Yeah?" Envy replied, eying the other teen a little bit confused.

"I have this appointment...with my, um..prosthetics worker. He's an old friend of my family's as well as Izumi's...I got a little banged up with that thing with Tucker and something has been out of place in my...arm..." Ed seemed to be trying to figure out what parts of his sentence should be considered weird and which ones wouldn't. "Well, anyway, I have to go in and see Garfiel...would you like to...come? And um...meet him and stuff? I mean...If it would make you uncomfortable in any way...I'll be sitting around the shop without my arm on...i just..." He trailed off. Al sighed.

"What he means is, would you go with him? He hates to be there alone, and sometimes Garfiel has to go into the workshop to fix things. He doesn't like people to see him without his arm, but he has to wait out in the shop that Garfiel owns. I usually go with him, but I'm helping the student organization with some of the prep for the dance. I will skip and go with him instead if you don't want to..." Al explained. Ed sighed.

"Sure! I mean, I'll go for sure if you want me to, Ed-o. I really don't mind. Hell, it's not like I have much of a social life outside of our little circle, so I haven't got any plans." Envy said, trying not to sound too eager. He was all too aware of what it meant for Edward to trust him that much. Ed smiled, a little shyly, and Al beamed.

"Thanks Envy!" He said.

"Yeah...um...thanks..." Edward added, rubbing the back of his neck.

"No problem...I really don't mind, you know that Ed-o."

"Hey! I'm back!" Sheska announced. Trailing behind her was Wrath, nose still buried in his gameboy.

"Come on...let's go find Edward a nice new shirt." Al said, laughing a little. Edward protested as they all piled into yet another shop, in yet another mall.

--

_Next chapter coming soon! Gotta run 'cause the cafe' is closing!_


	14. A little note

Notes

Well, wow. I cant believe I made it back to this story....I thought it was gone. I hope you all remember me. So much has happened since I stopped posting chapters. My island got hit by a hurricane (for those of you who dont know I live on galveston island. The one that took a direct hit from hurricane Ike.) after that my computer got a virus that slowly ate it alive. I was very VERY lucky to get my date out. But amazingly this story survived...all dozen or so unedited chapters that I had stored are safe...so I just wanted to let you know I WILL be editing and posting soon. Very soon. Much love,

~Kmid


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